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Male perspective needed on partner's behaviour please!

8 replies

Pobbage · 14/08/2012 09:22

Am beside myself because of my not so dp's behaviour at the mo.

On Friday night we were meant to be doing something but he cancelled because his son had an argument with a mate and he had to sort something out. He asked me that night if we could do Saturday instead and said sorry for his bad mood. I went to my mother's that night as I didn't want to be alone in the flat.

Then on Saturday, he went missing all day and didn't even tell me that he wasn't coming. I was waiting all day not knowing what to do, whether to go home or try and appear normal for the family's sake. In the end I called him from a different number and he answered. He then said he would call me back.

He didn't call at all so around 10.30 I told him if he was going to carry on like this we would have to call it a day. I know I shouldn't have given an ultimatum. He took me up on it and said "are you serious? OK, fair enough" and that he was "disappointed that that was my immediate choice". No sorry that I had been so worried or anything.

Since then he's promised to call but hasn't, ignores all messages, ignores calls, didn't even care when I sent him a message last night saying I have been told I could be in the early stages of pregnancy, am spotting and need to take it easy just in case the stress disrupts the hormones and I miscarry. He even ignored that!

What's going on here guys? My whole life has completely been turned upside down in 2 days!

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MrGin · 14/08/2012 10:06

What else is going on ? Were you both trying for a baby or is this a surprise ? How long have you been together ? Is his behaviour out of character ? How old are you both ( you don't have to answer that ! :) )

My initial reaction is that, and bear in mind I could be completely wrong, there is someone else and you've given him an easy opt out by suggesting an end to the relationship.

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Pobbage · 14/08/2012 10:09

We were trying, it's not completely out of character to do the missing trick but usually he's sorry afterwards. We are both old enough to know better (if I write our ages it really will out me)

I can't see how there can be someone else in the space of a day, everything else was fine before! :(

How can I get him to communicate MrGin? Any ideas?

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MrGin · 14/08/2012 10:31

Sorry to sow the seed of doubt about an OW. I've been on MN too long. There could of course be many reasons.

Logically, from what you've written, it was his son's problems that started this situation and possibly there is a major issue there. I can only guess which isn't very helpful I know.

It's no excuse for not contacting you though.

If he has form for 'doing the missing trick' I can't really think of anything you can do but wait for him to come to his senses and get back in touch. Does he suffer from depression ?

I'm pretty insular, I like to think a lot and have space, but the only time I ever went 'off the grid' with my XP was after a row, and being 'un-contactable' was a childish way to get at my XP. I suppose I was in a way just digging a hole for myself. The more un-contactable you are, the harder it is to back down and start communicating again.

You could tell him simply that you love him ,care for him and are worried. Talk to a mutual friend ?

But I don't think there's a way you can make him answer your messages or calls. It's up to him. :-(

If you regret saying you should break up you might let him know that.

Sorry.

Dadsnet is pretty slow paced. Hopefully someone else will be along today to give better advice.

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MrGin · 14/08/2012 10:37

BTW I'm 44 years old.

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flatpackhamster · 15/08/2012 15:34

How long have you been together?

Do you want honesty here, or to be told you were right?

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FiveMonths · 15/08/2012 15:39

His behaviour was out of order. Totally, if you are close enough to have been TTC

I would also interpret this as his taking your offer to end the relationship. It sounds as though he is unbothered, and won't fight to keep it, and is just going to let you go.

I'm really sorry. I have no idea why he has acted like this. But it sounds fairly definite. (I'm a bird btw - hope you don't mind me answering)

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dranksinatra · 15/08/2012 18:12

Leave the bitch/bastard

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SilkySilky · 21/08/2012 21:09

He was wrong to go AWOL, but to end it in space of 2 days seems harsh.

Text him and apologise. Even if you dont mean it, at least it will give him a chance to reply and open up communication channels again.

He will be sulking. He may also be having an affair (just a guess). As a bloke - the choice is a nagging partner, or someone new and all the initial and endless lust that comes at start of a relationship. What is he gonna choose?!

Sorry to sound harsh, but he maybe needed space and you are smuthering him. Sorry I making excuses for him and it WAS his behaviour that caused your issue.

Try win him back. Announcing you MAY be Keith Cheggars is likely to make him feel more trapped (that sounds awful, but many blokes think like that, and you did ask)