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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Dadsnet

Put off Relationships.

97 replies

Changlingz · 10/08/2012 10:41

Reading MN is putting me off having a relationship.

I know it's not real-life but it must be some reflection.

The resentment on the step-parent forum is one of the things that has put me off.

Unless there is a woman out there who, won't object to my children coming first, and that I spend a lot of time with them, doesn't mind my love of beer, and my love of sports I reckon I'm going to be single for a bit longer yet.

OP posts:

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anairofhopeFORGOLD · 10/08/2012 14:18

They come first now but there will be a time when you have room for them and a partner. Why cant you have both? How do married people do it?

KickTheGuru · 10/08/2012 14:25

I wonder if this thread is so good because it's on "Dadsnet"?

Number I think you sound like you're doing an awesome "job" parenting. Kids don't need to be pampered and put on pedestals. They need to know that life carries on regardless. It's how we deal with bumps later on.

Ah changling - a close family is amazing and you're very lucky. I would have loved to grow up knowing that family was around like that. But you're an integral part in that and I'm sure your kids would be mortified when they are grown up and well-rounded to think for a second that they were the reasons you never took a chance and met someone who really curled your toes ;)

I met a bloke once and he told me he really liked me and I had a list of reasons why it would be too hard or why I wasn't ready and I suddenly realised that if it was the right person, none of that would matter. And I met the right person and I was right, none of it did matter.

Maybe your abhorrence to relationships will pass. And when it does, think of humping in your retirement village. And go for it :)

Numberlock · 10/08/2012 14:26

Why cant you have both?

Of course you can have both but I think the OP is saying he's finding it difficult to find anyone with a similar outlook and looking for what he's after. (Have I got that right, Changlingz?)

I've certainly had both. And to me "both" isn't limited to dating - it's all the other aspects of my life that are for me.

KickTheGuru · 10/08/2012 14:28

Relationships are difficult enough before you have kids. Settling into a life together and learning the ups and downs are all hard.

Now you get a new partner who not only has to learn you, but your kids and family and exP as well. How awful! S/he has to be a gem to put up with that. I can't imagine that it's easy for any parties but I tend to feel more empathy for the poor person who falls in love with a single / recently divorced / widowed etc because they just love someone.

But they have a bunch of boxes that they have to tick and its not just about adjusting your behaviour and learning to live with one person. It's that person and all that goes with it.

Pickles77 · 10/08/2012 14:29

MN and my real life puts me off relationships but I do like to think ill meet someone and love again.

Numberlock · 10/08/2012 14:32

Me too, Pickles, keep the faith eh?

anairofhopeFORGOLD · 10/08/2012 14:36

I have reccently lost my spark and would like to hear some fairytail stories of love.

(forever hopefull)

KickTheGuru · 10/08/2012 14:42

Don't give up on it. Don't push potentially fabulous people away because you're afraid of getting hurt (ahem..."my kids come first")

KickTheGuru · 10/08/2012 14:43

Really do need a vomit emoticon

anairofhopeFORGOLD · 10/08/2012 14:43

As a teenager it was so easy for me to fall in love but the older i get the more cynical i become :(

anairofhopeFORGOLD · 10/08/2012 14:45

Pickles77 · 10/08/2012 15:05

It's hard keeping faith

Changlingz · 10/08/2012 15:11

'Of course you can have both but I think the OP is saying he's finding it difficult to find anyone with a similar outlook and looking for what he's after. (Have I got that right, Changlingz?)'

About right.

Some of the expectations on dating websites are a bit unrealistic.

I think I can wait... I don't mind being single.

OP posts:

MrGin · 10/08/2012 15:14

I think there's a lot to be said for the single life.

KickTheGuru · 10/08/2012 15:22

Dating sites are rubbish.

People expect perfection but that's largely why they are single.

Join a sports club. The nicest people play sports club:)

madas · 10/08/2012 15:37

I think there's a lot to be said for the single life.

Amen to that lol

Technoviking · 10/08/2012 16:19

Mate, most of the posts on here are going to be seeking advice, therefore they wont be the "my life is great" kind.

Enjoy life, enjoy this forum and know that you'll meet the right woman for you soon enough.

GetOrfMoiRing · 10/08/2012 16:26

I like being single as well.

I can do whatever I like, and I never have to watch fucking Time Team ever again.

MrsTomHardy · 10/08/2012 16:56

Agree with Madas
Love my single life with my ds's

Changlingz · 10/08/2012 18:19

Well I've just caught, a very didn't want to be caught, mouse.
And humanely released him into the wild to be eaten by an Owl most probably.

I will now go and eat another animal for tea, and ignore the double-standards, and bask in the glory of being the Mouse-Saviour.

Much to my cats disgust, they don't think I've got the hang of mouse catching.

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiRing · 10/08/2012 19:46

My cats bring in fieldmice, bats and, one horrific morning, a crow.

Oh dear. single people talking about cats.

Changlingz · 11/08/2012 07:58

All quiet on the mouse front.

Back to relationships, I think I'd struggle with a new partner having different opinions about parenting.

OP posts:

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Changlingz · 11/08/2012 08:07

I might use this thread to ask questions.

Daughters-in-laws and Mother-in-laws there must be more to it.

There's only two people in the whole world who at one time despised my mum, and it was her two dils?

They don't now, but it was bizarre and did seem a territory thing.

OP posts:

Conflugenglugen · 11/08/2012 08:09

I think you've got a great attitude about what's important to you, Changlingz, and what you're looking for (and not looking for) in a relationship. Internet dating can be very hit and miss, but there really are some 'hits' out there.

I also don't think you need to compromise on your opinions about parenting. Sometimes on dating sites things aren't stated outright, i.e. when a woman feels strongly about putting kids first, because - as a sometime internet dater myself of a certain age - there might be a certain fear that she will be overlooked: women tend to become less 'viable' as they hit forty; sure enough, when I turned 40 last year, about a third of the prospects I had on my profile disappeared because I had exceeded that magical, child-bearing age, apparently.

Sometimes you have to read between the lines, iyswim.

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 11/08/2012 08:21

I'm not the NRP so I'm not a Disney Dad. I'm the Dad.

OP I'm a NRP I am not a Disney Dad, your little comment is the most insulting I have ever read on MN, disgusting.

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