any suggestions from dadsnetters ?

[mummymcphee]

My exp has never been to see his dd. She is now 7 months old. He lives across the street. He has not forgiven me as he was arrested when I called the police during an assault when I was pregnant. He has 2 kids from another relationship who he sees every other weekend. He has been in a new relationship since we split up when I was 3 months pregnant.

I would like my dd to know who her dad is but he has rejected her. I am asking for a male perspective on his reaction towards our dd. The MN opinion has been to move very far away and forget all about dd having a relationship with her dad. Can anyone shed any light on why he might be behaving this way (ostrich in sand) and is there anything that can be done to get him interested in seeing our child ? Any thoughts welcome !

Has he recognised the fact he assaulted you? Did he ever apologies? If not why would you want him in your daughters life?

It's very tricky to give thoughts on such a complex circ. when there is so little info. I'd ask:

• are you sure you do not want a further involvement with him beyond your dd's needs?
• he sounds like someone with a low threshold for stress, yet is blithely wandering into 'stressed' circumstances.
• there will be at least 3 significant adult females in his life, as well as at least 3 children.

I wouldn't hold out much hope for him having a good influence on your or your dd's life. It wil be v confusing for her to have dad living so close but there to be no contact. And I'd rightfully demand maintenance contribution as well.

Thanks for your replies !

I feel loved : he did apologise after the assault but has to live with himself and so he has minimized it to an argument to his friends and family.

Pan it is complex! He has made his life that way. I think everyone should be able to meet their father when possible. He has behaved so badly that there could never be a relationship between us. This morning I was sitting in a cafe in the park with my dad and the baby and my exp walked in with his girlfriend. He made her walk out again when he spotted us in the corner. I sensed panic, embarrassment, fear, shame and stress coming off him in waves. Suddenly a stroll in the park had made him very uncomfortable. His girlfriend tried to change his mind but he was like a horse that had bolted. We carried on enjoying a happy sunday with a very beautiful giggling baby and ignored him. I have given him many opportunities and he hasn't taken them. His other daughter is quite keen to meet the baby but he has vetoed that as he 'doesn't want me to badmouth him' to his kids.

He pays £25.00 a week maintenance to avoid the CSA and so that has paid my council tax during my maternity leave.

I will of course move despite negative equity before dd is old enough to realise where her dad lives. i did ask him to move when he failed to come and see her after the birth but he refused!

Thanks again for taking the time out to respond it has been useful to try and get another perspective. I think that a guy with a stressful life who doesn't handle stress well sums it up. I handle stress rather well luckily for our baby!!!

Well done for calling the police.

Move very far away and forget all about dd having a relationship with her dad!

If he hit you when pregnant then he could hit dd. Don't let him near her.