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First Xmas without my son! Help!

3 replies

poopeeplops · 18/12/2011 07:32

Hi it's my first time on here I'm a new single dad with a devious ex and she has done everything to make sure I Can't see my son, I'm in court at the moment to get access but it was denied as she said I was dangerous despite never touching a hair on my sons head and I have no aggressive streak! I'm struggling to cope with Christmas and how to get to grips with just not seeing my son, I have to wait til march for a court case again to look at whether I can get access!! Any advice on first Christmas without my son and how to cope with this situation please help!!

OP posts:
SilkySilky · 24/12/2011 22:45

That sounds harsh, and having to wait til March seems unreasonable. What age is your son? Why us the bin allowed to make up stories in court? Get a new lawyer maybe.

itsxmascryingagain · 26/12/2011 18:09

Oh dear, how very sad. No real advice other than to continue to believe that this awful situation will get resolved and you can prove you are a trustworthy and devoted parent - because that is all that matters - how you put your son first and work tirelessly at the biggest role you'll ever to get to play in your life.

Your ex is only hurting the child involved here but you know this already.

I personally have played the dutiful ex mother in law for the last three days so that my grandchildren can have as normal as Christmas as possible. The other grandparents have not and have made my daughter feel very uncomfortable. Their relationship broke up after 10 years because of his continued selfish behaviour and not putting his lovely partner and children before his own needs and wants. These few days have been difficult because I blame him for the split - at the same time as telling my daughter he would do anything to win her back, he was quickly establishing another relationship just weeks after she could take no more. She has left the family home which they own together and has had to establish another home in rented accommodation so that her children and settled and happy rather than living with a father that really could not give them the time and effort they deserve.

Sorry to hijack but I guess this has been playing on my mind!

Good luck for the future and lets hope that next year is very different for you and your little lad.

AgentOrange · 27/12/2011 15:47

Typical of Western Culture. Unfortunately, there is little you can do now that the courts are involved.

If the courts don't work for her immediately then expect the situation to escalate.

Record all phone calls, keep all correspondence, make regular videos of meetings, and make sure to have witnesses to every interaction you have with the mother.

Expect the following:
False allegations of DV.
False allegations of sexual abuse.
Overinflated child support payments that will not be lowered even if you lose your job or have to go to a lesser paying one.
Parental alienation (if she cannot turn the courts against you, then she will turn the child)

Most men think these things can't happen to them. They suffer the "not my ex" syndrome, and learn a little too late. Protect yourself and your child by fighting tooth, claw, and nail for every ounce of time you can get with him. You must establish a a living pattern that is conducive to child-rearing....and expect local agencies to regularly investigate your home to make sure that it is a suitable environment for the child to stay (even if only one night a week).

Do not speak badly about the mother in front of the child. Those types of things will inevitably get back to the mother, and she will be able to claim "emotional abuse" under the DV umbrella that has been enshrined in law.

Do no have roommates, including other women. These roomates also provide convenient targets for false allegations.

Do not trust this woman at all. It is not in the interests of the child or yourself to ever trust an individual who has state power on her side automatically. There are too many cases of the abuse of protection orders to even consider it.

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