Prepuberty/puberty questions - how to help sons without a man in our lives?

[Solo2]

DTs aged 10 ask a lot of specific questions about puberty and sex. I'm a solo mum and always happy and not embarassed at all about answering them. But there are questions that, as a woman, I can't answer. They've had a look through various books on boys' development but already know the basics and more. I want to answer as many of their questions as possible before they hit full blown adolescence and are terribly embarassed to discuss this subject at all.

So - can anyone recommend books/ a website that helped them to answer much more specific questions about male anatomy/ male sex perspectives that would be appropriate for 10 yr olds and/or can any of you answer a recent specific question that's been troubling both of them?

They're both getting more frequent erections but experience pain when this happens and I presume this is because they're developing so their erections are getting stronger and more frequent? I don't know why a boy/man might experience pain on erection? Is this just a common, developmental thing for a little lad until they learn to 'relieve/pleasure themselves' to orgasm? Is it because they're on the verge of beginning to need/want to do this? Is it because their foreskins aren't yet retracted?

Answers from a male perspective would help please.

Hi Solo. Not sure what to say really, I'm a dad of 2 boys and 2 girls but haven't had to face these things yet. As a bloke, I'd hope I'd be able to find the answer, but quite honestly, I'm not sure what I'd say. All I remember from that age is figuring it all out for myself, and talking a lot to my mates.

I'm guessing they're just developing and starting to get proper "stiffies" - getting geared up for the inevitable, so to speak. I really wouldn't worry too much about it. Just engage with them and rest assured that a bloke would probably be just as cluseless in his analysis as you are feeling now.

In a year or two, you can guarantee that they won't want to talk to you about this stuff, so engage while you can.

Good luck and sorry I couldn't be more use :)

just so you feel better solo2, I am married and my Dh is a bit rubbish with our Ds's they are 6 coming on 7, and he gets cross at my explaination about mummy having a seed a daddy fertilizing it, as in he sprinkled fertilizer on my seed, we garden :)
My husband will not engage at all, he is a biologist? phd and in many ways ideal dad, they as in 2 DS and dad came back last weekend having visited my very girly cousin, with their nails painted and flashing them about..all of them but try to get my Dh to explain how boys clean themselves after a wee, I am still mystified?
I remember a row my Mum and Dad had about my brother sex ed my Mum went mental my dad hadn't done it and my dad's answer was "well he is 21 now and in the army, if he doesn't know it now...."

Solo2, 10 is young for a lad to be having erections - young for puberty to have kicked in or even started. 12 or 13 is more common. Do they have any pubic hair around groin / chest / nipples / moustache / chin ? If not then puberty has probably not started. If they are experiencing pain in the groin or penis it may not be puberty (erections) but something else. Maybe a urinary infenction. I reccomend you get them to your GP and have a frank discussion there ASAP.

Thanks for the feedback. Minimonty, I didn't think 10 was young for erections and first signs of puberty? One of my twins has been having erections for a few yrs now. Both have the start of pubic hair but no other hairy places and both definitely have teenage level BO before a shower! One twin had that from age 6!! Both have the start of teenage greasy face and spots. I thought puberty kicked in younger and younger these days, as it does for girls. One twin gets some pain when he has a strong erection, from what he says but no pain at other times at all nor on peeing. Will see how it goes and if there are signs of anything other than normal development, will take him to the GP.

Ten isn't too young for regular erections. I remember having them at 7/8.

Pain doesn't sound right, though. Discomfort yes, but not pain. Try and get them to establish how painful it is on a 1-10 scale before going to the doctor.

Oh - just remembered - it's entirely possible to get erections before gaining the ability to pull back the foreskin. If they are uncircumcised, it may be the case that their foreskins aren't yet large enough and that could be what is causing pain.

Thanks, FantasticVoyage, I think that's it! The foreskin thing - neither can retract theirs and it hurts if they try but both are getting erections quite frequently now. I think it IS more discomfort than pain and they haven't complained about having pain since my OP, so I assume it's not an ongoing thing.

Solo - my friend has just had similar sounding issues with her DS. He had to be circumcised in the end, poor chap. Might be an idea to get them to a GP.

My DS is 9 and is hitting puberty head on already - smells like a badger, getting frequent "stiffies", spots and hairs under his arms and groin area (he very proudly shoved his bits in my face the other day to show me his first pube...). I'm also a single parent and have found Steve Biddulph's book "Bringing up Boys" really helpful - that and gin!