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Children Don't Belong in Daycare.

42 replies

clarlce · 19/07/2011 12:59

Hello Dadsnetterers...I have posted this in the mumsnet area but the response is only hostile as i think most working mums still feel they need to defend their decision to work full-time. The issues raised should concern Dads equally.

I found this quite interesting:

childrensneeds.homestead.com/daycare1.html

Clearly its going to annoy a lot of full-time working mothers. I personally feel SOMEONE should stay at home with the kids, if they can (being honest about whether or not they can)but try not to knee-jerk hate this because i think the points she makes, while a bit sickly, are convincing.

I was thinking about what other aspects of home-life children pick up on that they simply couldn't get from a nursery or even a nanny who comes to the home.

Childminders are, these days, fully qualified (frequently to degree level) in the ins and outs of caring for children. Now, on the surface, this looks fantastic. Why have children raised by their parents, who may or may not know what they're doing, when our children could be raised by trained professionals.

There was something just a bit icky about the phrase 'raising children with trained professionals' that didn't sit well with me. What about the spontaneity of parents? the mistakes? the political in-correctness? The government rants? The swearing? The argument that parents can also be abusive and neglectful is true but that is a separate issue. Im talking about run of the mill, average, doing the best they can parents - the majority.

Will the characters of our children become monochrome because they're spending most of their time in the care of 'Government formed, professional parents' who, despite years of training, will NEVER adore their charges as a parent would?

I know its a subtle point and im not even certain it holds any water - just wondered what anyone else thought.

Is there something to be said for the kind of parenting our grandparents knew? That slap-dash, imperfect, frustrated, conditionally loving, real-life parenting.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Parietal · 20/07/2011 13:37

I have 2 DCs and work full time by choice. I would go crazy if I stayed at home - it just isn't for me. Both my little ones are doing fine and I don't know of any solid evidence that they would do better if I or DH were at home all day.

SilkySilky · 28/07/2011 22:41

Nanny or child minder a bit of a cop out, but nursery can be great for interaction. I sent 1 year old to nursery for 2 days a week by choice and not need, as I think she learns social skills there etc. Plus, let her spill paint on their floor not mine!

eeore · 15/08/2011 21:00

It was never going to end well asking such a question...

SilkySilky · 24/12/2011 22:55

Childminders seems a cop out, but private nurseries offer a lot of life skills help kids share and socialise. And any primary 1 school teacher can spot quickly which kids been to nursery. 2 or 3 days a week seems sensible, and agree 5 days in day care not a fair balance for kids.

Doesmybumlookbiginthiss · 14/04/2012 17:15

I'm an idealist...through out most of the time humans have been on the planet nature has decreed that the man through testosterone is designed to hunt and protect and the woman designed to give life and nurture. Both sexes are equal and have their specialisms unique to that sex. The reason being a stay at home dad grates on you is because your instinct tells you that you are in the wrong role. You are stuck in your cave and modern post feminism society has taken your spear off you.

notinbed · 15/04/2012 08:24

As a full-time SAHD since recently (and a part time one for the last 5 years), I have to say that article - which I've seen before - is a load of rubbish (it's also not from over here is it?) Our youngest still goes to nursery 2 days a week even though he doesn't have to - I'd be quite happy to look after him - because we believe it's actually good for him to mix with other kids and adults in that environment on a regular basis. Our oldest who mostly was in nursery 3 days a week is far better socialised than one of our neighbours kids who was looked after at home full time. I fully believe that he is a special to at least some (if not most) of the staff there - I guess it maybe depends on the nursery your kids go to, but there's one member of staff there I reckon I'd trust to look after my kids better than I do. Out of personal preference we've both always worked part time so that our children do spend more time with us than in childcare, but I can understand how that doesn't work for some people and I wouldn't dream of criticising them for it.

I can fully understand why the response to posting that article elsewhere on here was hostile - it deserves much the same reaction on dadsnet.

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/04/2012 08:51

Zombie thread...

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/04/2012 08:52

Doesmybum - utter shite.

Doesmybumlookbiginthiss · 15/04/2012 18:09

BelleDame...is that the best you can do...a feeble, shallow retort with no depth of argument.

BelleDameSansMerci · 15/04/2012 18:13

Yes. HTH.

Doesmybumlookbiginthiss · 15/04/2012 18:19

There is strong evidence now that placing a child into childcare before the age of three can lead to attachment and mental health issues. Plenty of research done here.

ftmuk.wordpress.com/childcare-research/

CPtart · 15/04/2012 18:24

It was interesting when my DS started school that the 2 or 3 children playing up most, kicking off when it was lining up time and generally in tears going in most days were the children whose mums had stayed home.

redrubyshoes · 15/04/2012 18:26

My father worked 7 days a week to pay the bills and my mother worked shifts as a nurse. When we were ill (this was the seventies) a neighbour popped in to check on us every few hours and give us our lunch or medicine or both.

If we were 'off colour' we went on the wards and were left with the geriatric ward where we were fed sweets and told stories by the elderly patients while Mum did her rounds.

Nope - we never had both parents around to care for us during the day but we loved our neighbours and I loved the times on the ward with the geriatrics.

I also realise what my Mum and my late Dad did to provide for my brother and I.

I really appreciate it and them.

subrosie · 21/04/2012 13:11

Thanks for posting this Clarice - off the back of that link I have found many other interesting sites. Not to everyone's taste I'm sure but very interesting reading from a variety of perspectives.

msrantsalot · 12/05/2012 15:31

Being not allowed to work while bringing up dd1 really shattered my confidence, ex was a high earner and used the phrase "I work so you don't have to."

With ex2 I had to work full time and put dd2 in a nursery. It wasn't the right choice either, I missed out on a lot and I think so did she.

I am now a child minder, however all of my mindees are part time and I think the families have a great balance. And yes, I am educated to degree level.

I don't believe that either partner should be stay at home full time. There should be a balance.

msrantsalot · 12/05/2012 15:39

@silky
not all childminders are "a cop out" as you put it, that is quite offensive to someone who has worked very hard to build up a business and to give the children the best possible care. I have a degree in psychology and am currently studying (self funded) for more childcare qualifications. I am much better qualified than a nursery nurse and I can give 1:1 care when required much easier. I am much more responsive to parents' needs as I have at max 3 children at a time. The children get to choose their own toys from the catalogs, they get to go to the shop and choose their own snacks (keeping in mind healthy eating guidelines) and all activities are child led.

insancerre · 12/05/2012 15:51

I'm a nursery nurse with a degree. I didn't trade it for my spontaniety.

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