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Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Original poster

Dad's to be prep - any stickies or advice on what to buy/do?

24 replies

BadgerBoy · 03/03/2011 19:52

Hi All,

Just joined. my DH is due end of June. Things cooking nicely.

I couldn't see any obvious stickies for advice on what you should do and when in the run up to d-day. Have I missed anything?

Any advice on what books to read to help as a Dad during pregnancy then for first few months of the 3 of us.

Looking for a check list of items to buy and when like car seat, cots, pram, clothing & monitors etc.

Many thanks in advance...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SalandersBro · 03/03/2011 20:36

no, no , no. you're getting it all wrong.

forget the books and listen up.

Monday - darts night.
Tuesday - pool night.
Wedneday - footie practice or a game
Thursday - reverse of Wednesday, alternate weeks.
Friday - card school
Saturday - essential shed-pottering
Sunday - rest

key to happiness for all.

hope this helps.

Original poster

BadgerBoy · 03/03/2011 21:02

Cheers - all good points!

OP posts:

givemesomespace · 03/03/2011 21:34

BadgerBoy,
To sum it up, i'd say:
Enjoy every night before the baby arrives. Enjoy the quiet.
Get out with the Mrs as much as you can
Relax about the whole thing - the more you read up and tell yourself you know what to expect, the bigger the shock you'll get. Just go with the flow.
Do as much as you can for the Mrs and don't forget to enjoy every minute (have to remind myself of that everyday) - It'll be the most special time of your life.

Don't worry too much about kit - as you say you'll need a car seat if you're expecting to drive anywhere, a few babygros, pushchair/pram. One thing we found invaluable was a babysling/BabyBjorn - means you can carry on doing things whilst carrying the little one around and was one of the most used pieces of kit we bought.

Good luck, you'll be just fine and dandy :)

SalandersBro · 03/03/2011 22:31

tiredness and blokes don't mix well. generally.

so be prepared, when the happy event cometh, to recognise when you are tired from lack of sleep, and adjust your reactions/thoughts accordingly.

babies aren't complicated really. we do like to complicate it all,and spend vast sums on stuff they don't really need, but mothercare and boots will convince you you need all sorts of stuff. they want contact, food, shitting time, a bit more food, sleep, contact, bit more shitting and some more sleep. when they are asleep they don't mind being stared at in wonder.
just be cool. and you won't want to go out so much.

givemesomespace · 04/03/2011 09:36

"so be prepared, when the happy event cometh, to recognise when you are tired from lack of sleep, and adjust your reactions/thoughts accordingly."

SB - I wish someone had told me that a few years ago!

It's all to easy to turn into 21st century man and pull yourself in too many directions with work, new addition, housework etc and run yourself into the ground. Then you'll stop enjoying it!

eeore · 04/03/2011 12:40

Don't bother with books, they are pretty much useless - except for the medical stuff about spotting illness.

When the baby comes it is basically a case of the three of you working out how you are going to be a family together.

All books do is to enccourage you to feel negative about yourself and your child.

MrIC · 05/03/2011 18:09

Hi Badgerboy!

Really respect you thinking about this.

A simple tip is - get the freezer full of healthy, homecooked food. Your DW wont have any time to cook for herself (let alone you) so having meals that she can just pop in the microwave to defrost and reheat will be a huge help.

Two really good books are:

Baby Love by Robin Barker
This is a simple, no nonsense and occasionally hilarious manual to babies. What the symptoms of various common baby complaints are, what to do, what to worry about, what not to worry about. Really helpful and easy to use.

What mothers do by Naomi Stadlen
Personally I reckon all men should have to read this. I think most problems couples experience with a new baby come from expectations - expectations of the baby and each other. This book really helps give you some perspective.

"All books do is to encourage you to feel negative about yourself and your child."

Bollocks. sorry eeore, your other advice about the 3 of you working together is spot on, but to be so arrogant as to think you've got nothing to learn from others is just ridiculous.

Re: buying stuff.

have a few things but don't by loads of stuff, especially clothes as you may suddenly find yourself being given whole sackfulls by other parents - we didn't buy our DD any clothes for the first year: we didn't need to!

Get a Pram/Buggy that's also a car seat - helpful. Even better - get your PIL to buy it for you!

givemesomespace · 06/03/2011 08:03

MrIC - So glad you didn't add "Contented Little Baby" to your list. Allegedly they use the same book in India to "break" wild elephants into human servitude.........

FrumpyPumpy · 06/03/2011 08:16

You sound lovely. My dh was great after ds was born, mainly because we took it in shifts with mother/mil tosit with baby sleeping on us for the first few days. He brought the baby to me for feeding and let me catch up a bit on sleep after 4 days without. Good luck, and keep asking on here for advice. If you do a search of old threads there are a few with a list of 'essential' purchases, have a read and buy the minimum, supermarkets are open 24hrs as we keep being told.

Original poster

BadgerBoy · 06/03/2011 20:43

What do you think to Gina Ford as men?

I know she polarises. But what do the dads think?

OP posts:

givemesomespace · 06/03/2011 21:29

Probably don't need to answer that given my last post - but I will anyway.

Each to their own but she's not for us. Her approach smacks of an inlexible solution for inflexible parents to deal with inflexible (how dare they!) babies.

We've always liked spontiaity and variety in our lives whether it be with children, socially, holidays, love life, you name it.

It's an intersting question to throw at blokes though. I've always just assumed families that choose the Gina approach are led by the desires of the mother. I'd be happy to have my prejudice challenged though.

lazysod · 06/03/2011 22:14

Do things like going to the pictures, or having a meal out.
You can try and 'bank' some sleep, but don't think it really works tbh.
get a car seat for leaving hospital, and a pram/buggy/travel system. Even better if someone offers to buy one for you.
pack a hospital bag. now take out half the stuff. now take out half again. you can get anything you need from the nearest 24hr tesco.
make sure your camera and phone are charged, and you have the numbers of the hospital programmed in.
make sure you know how the car seat fits, the steriliser works etc. Figuring it out at 3am won't be fun.
Think about batch cooking some food for the freezer, or getting simple frozen stuff in. Cooking won't be high on your agenda, and finding time won't be easy.

after he/she arrives

fend off visitors in the first fortnight. really do. or limit them to 1 set per day. it is tiring, and between feeds you and the mrs will most likely just want to veg out. The world and his wife will want to visit. Be strict, and do it on your terms. Don't have overnight visitors - you don't need to aggravation of having to worry about their food, the baby crying in the night etc. If a visitor comes in the day, stipulate that they ave to bring you lunch, or supplies. Seriously. You and your mrs will be knackered.
have some clothes ready - maybe 6 vests and 6 sleep suits. You'll be inundated with gifts in various sizes, hand me downs etc and again, tesco does stuff and they're open 24hrs.
Sleep deprivation is terrible. truly awful. A baby crying in your room is torture. You may even despise the baby during the first few nights, i know i did and seriously questioned how we'd get through it. So, when you feel like that just walk away for 10 mins.

All the books seem to contradict themseves within their own pages - ford is worst for this i think, so don't tie yourself in knots trying to get into a rigid routine, but try and have a bedtime routine. Whatever works for you, but just stick with it.

you'll find your way, good luck!

MrIC · 07/03/2011 10:37

Gina Ford isn't for us either - anyone who suggests that their way is the only way and that it works infallibly for every child is just lying, frankly.

If you do want to go for a how to... style book, at least go for one that suggests different options and doesn't try to guilt trip you into following their style of parenting...

You've got to do what you're comfortable with at the end of the day. Plus, often if the baby isn't meeting your expectations of how a baby should behave, then perhaps what needs to change is your expectations, not the baby.

MrIC · 07/03/2011 10:39

ps: what lazysod said. It's a good list

Oh and it's never too early to get things in. Our DD arrived a month early with no warning. We didn't have anywhere ready for her to sleep, no hospital bag packed, and so on.

eeore · 07/03/2011 14:22

If you want to treat your kid like you are looking after someone else's child as a favour, then Gina Ford is you.

mattg · 14/03/2011 21:13

I've been asking all my mates for dad tips, the one that sticks in the mind is "open your wallet and get used to coming last".

Re: Gina Ford, our plan is to follow it loosely, the core idea of having a routine and not assuming nature always knows best makes sense to me*. That said, few plans survive contact with the enemy.

(Our DD due before the end of the month.)

if nature knew best, I'd be dead.

ethelina · 14/03/2011 21:19

Useless

Get this book is very good humorous informative guide to pregnancy without coming over all patronising at all. My DH recommends it. And he doesn't do books at all.

ethelina · 14/03/2011 21:21

... our plan is to follow it loosely, the core idea of having a routine and not assuming nature always knows best makes sense to me

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Come back and say that a month after your baby is born!

mattg · 14/03/2011 21:28

we'll see. I'm no evangelist, but I don't buy 'nature always knows best', that's nonsense

book link looks fun tho perhaps a but late for me now, thx

LaWeasel · 14/03/2011 21:30

DH says he didn't read anything and he did alright.

(It's true, he's awesome)

He says it's not a test you have to learn as you go along not acquire the knowledge beforehand, babies don't work like that.

(sadly)

LaWeasel · 14/03/2011 21:32

He also says support your partner and do as much as you can - and discuss stuff, so you know what she needs you to do.

ethelina · 14/03/2011 21:33

No of course nature doesn't always know best, but crippling tiredness will overcome everything in the first weeks. Newborns haven't heard of routine, they just want to eat, sleep and be cuddled. Sometimes all at once and quite often round-the-clock.

Follow your baby's lead and your sanity may -just- be saved.

LaWeasel · 14/03/2011 21:33

(personally I liked this book, it treads the line between lentil-weaver and routine quite nicely - first time parent)

freshmint · 14/03/2011 21:38

make tea
lots of tea
keep making tea
and think of yourself as a bouncer. only let in the select few and chuck em out when they start to overstay their welcome (ie 20 mins, max)

You'll be fine.

PS buy 3 x as many muslins as you think any child could ever need. Honestly. Do it. As you take a packet of 10 off the shelf, remember me - and buy 30.

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