Single mum needs dads' perspective on DS

[LurcioLovesFrankie]

Hi All,
Been following Truckulent's "what I learned from Mumsnet", and you seem like a nice bunch, so thought I'd try out my decision-making process on you.

Warning - not for the faint hearted who may take a fit of the vapours at health related issues, specially concerning delicate parts of your anatomy.

DS (2.10) has a condition called hypospadias, where the opening of his urethra is on the underside of his penis rather than at the end. He is provisionally booked for an operation to correct this in the spring. The op is fairly minor, but will involve a general anaesthetic, week in hospital with a catheter and a fair bit of discomfort, plus a period of recuperation where I'll have to try to stop him being too boisterous (should be a challenge with a bouncy 3 year old). The thing is, quite a lot of men with the mild form of this, grow up to adulthood without having it corrected - they can't wee in a straight line (sometimes have to do it sitting down). Looking round the internet, the main reasons for operating seem to be to enable the boy/man to pee standing up, to avoid bullying in school, and to avoid psychological problems round sex (apparently some, though not all men, feel very self-conscious about looking different).

So I guess what I want some male input about is: given the op will be uncomfortable (and like all ops with a GA,carry a small risk), and is not needed for life-saving reasons, how important are the other reasons? I do try to imagine how it might be, but probably oscillate between not taking psychological considerations seriously enough, or possibly darkly imagining they'd be worse than they actually will be. What would you feel, as a man, if it was your DS?
Thanks!

I think I would have wanted it done - if I had been born with this condition.

I also think I would want the same for my son if again it applied.

It is difficult to know how your son will cope without the op. - if he is full of confidence then he may enjoy being different - but I think that there is a real risk that at school the difficulties of being 'different' are substantial especially surrounding his penis. Going into a cubicle in many schools does not afford you much privacy - they often don't lock or have broken locks.

I think I would go with the op - I have looked on various forums (as doubtless have you) after googling your ds's condition and it does seem that most men who had the surgery done whilst young seem happy that their mum made the right choice for them.

Good luck and perhaps even print off this thread - when you have enough responses to make your decision - and share with DS at the appropriate age so he can see how much thought, love and caring you have put into your decision.

Merry Xmas

I am a man and my one was operate on for a condition called ballanitis (tight foreskin). He was uncomfortable for two weeks and now he is fine.

I am in no doubt that you should have the OP done on your DS. You will save him a huge amount of psychological pain. Not just from other boys but in forming relationships later.

TYPO = 'my son was operated on for a condition...'

I hope you don't mind my interloping, but I asked DH about this.

He said it might depend on exactly where the opening is: if not too far from the tip, then functions will be close to normal. But if it's close to the body, then everything gets trickier and the psychological issues may kick in. Have his docs been able to prognose?

Also, he thinks that children generally perk up and heal up better when they're younger. No idea if this is evidence based, though.

Have the op. But it doesn't guarantee he'll pee straight, if my bathroom floor is anything to go by.

Thanks so much for all the replies - your thoughts are very helpful, and have definitely given me some useful perspective. Iamnot - re. the evidence based stuff, I haven't found much, but I think one of the reasons given for operating early is that it is likely to be less traumatic psychologically. BeenBeta - your reply pretty much summarises the impression I'd got from looking round on the web (hope your DS has now made a full recovery - a friend's son has this and is going in for an op soon). Onimolap - thanks for asking your husband. DS's condition is fairly mild - more or less on the glans, rather than near the scrotum, so he'd "get along" albeit peeing in an odd direction - the psychological aspects are the ones I'm most worried about.

Thanks again to all of you, and Merry Christmas.

OP - My son was circumscised at 4 and can't remember anything about it. I'd imagine this op really isn't that much different in terms of pain or recovery time - is it?

If he's not yet three, he'll be absolutely fine and probably won't remember it when he's older. My boy had to run about with no pants on for two weeks, plus have baths twice daily to help healing. He didn't even need any calpol for pain relief after the first day.

get it done, the kids at school will persecute him if he has a dodgy knob. he will be fine with the opperation and although you never want your kids to go through any unneccesary (sorry for spelling I'm not dyslexic just thick!) pain, it may be worth while in the long term. Also will this have an effect on his sex life as he grows up? is it likely to put him off or make him self concious when he starts to experiment with the ladies? (sorry to put thoughts of your little boy having a sex life into your mind)
I would definately get the op done if only to make sure that when he does grow up, you can be sure that he is confident with his own body. (Boys do pay their knobs quite a lot of attention while growing up (especially int he teenage years!.

Would it be an obsticle if he wants children in future. (from a point of view of delivering sperm to the right place etc?)

I would definately want to have had this corrected if it was me.

I hope all goes well for you what ever you do.

Thanks for the latest messages. There's a bit more to it than circumcision - he'll be in for a week with a catheter in place. You're both right that one of my main worries is bullying at school (the other being psycholgical feelings and sex - I want him to have a happy, confident sex life when he grows up, so long as I don't have to know any details :) ). As far as I know it is mainly an issue with appearance, though he can't wee standing up. There doesn't appear to be any curvature of the penis (which would cause problems with sex) and the hole is near enough to the end that there wouldn't be any fertility problems either.

I've just found a couple of useful threads from last year, which cover my main worry about the op which is that it would result in some loss of sensation/sexual function as a result, but apparently this isn't the case. Will have to double check with the plastic surgeon about this.

Thanks again.