He says he doesn't want to have anything to do with his DC

[Error]

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and my ex-boyfriend refuses to even talk to me now.

We were together for 5 years, he left me for another woman, we hardly spoke to each other for 6 months but then we met up and.. well we've been casually dating since last Christmas.

I never asked what happened to the other woman and he never offered to tell me, there is a chance she's still around, i just didn't want to know.

Obviously I still have strong feelings for him but I have accapted we'll never be a couple again, i don't think i could ever trust him again as a partner. However, our relationship for the past year hasn't been just about sex as he is also my best friend and he has always been there for me when I've needed him. Up until I told him I'm pregnant.

He told me he's not interested in my lies and manipulation and he's "done with me". I don't know what he meant with the lies and manipulation but I'm thinking he might suspect I got pregnant on purpose. This is not true at all, I've just changed my job to a lower paid one and moved to a houseshare to save money, obviously if i PLANNED to have a child, I wouldn't have done those things. I have tried to explain this to my ex but he won't listen to a word i say. He says he's going to change his phone number and if i turn up to his house or work place he will call the police!

I'm feeling hopeless because I don't want my child to go fatherless just because my ex is angry with me. Despite all this, he is not a bad person (if he was, i wouldn't bother with him, I want the best for my child) And i just KNOW he would be a great dad.

I don't want to end up in court being accused of stalking him so I'm running out of ideas how to make him to stop and think what he's doing. I am planning to write him a letter but I don't know WHAT can I say that would make him really understand what his missing out on.

Is there any dads around who might have not been thrilled to hear the news their partner was expecting their child but realised later it's not the end of the world? And what was it that made you see it was actually a Happy "accident"?

Would it be better to leave him be until the baby is born or should i continue trying to talk to him throughout the pregnancy?

Any help would be very much appreciated..

:(

Hard as this may sound, he hasn't always been there for you, has he? He left you for someone else, which proves that.

He's there for you when he wants to be.

Try, hard as it is, to forget him. concentrate on you and your baby, you don't need him.

He won't change, especially not if you try and force it. He's treating you like a mug.

How can he be a great dad if he wants nothing to do with you or baby now?

Sorry but you need to think some hard truths and move on for your own and baby's sake.

he's not your friend. Friends don't do that to each other

Write him one letter saying that you would like him to being involved but you are not going to be doing the running so if he wants to be involved he better pull up his socks if he doesn't then just carry on without the waste of space.

Also tell him that he can be a dad without been with you, if he thinks you're such an awful person.

You have to give up. You can't force parenthood on someone who doesn't want to have it, the more you insist, the more he will resist.

Forget about trying to make him see what is best for the baby, a father that doesn't care about his own child is far worse than an absent one.

If anything, apply for maintenance via CSA once the baby is born, but you have to leave the guy alone. To be honest... it is not worth it. Much more painful for your child in the long term.

And I agree, he has just been pretending to be your friend to get the sex. Friends don't do those things to each other. Sorry.

Error, a good dad would be loving towards you and your DC, committed to the relationship and uninterested in other women. Everything in your email screams that he would be a bad partner and a terrible dad. Think about the type of father figure your DC deserves in their life - is it someone who resents their mother has no interest in even being around?

He still has responsibilities - it is his child too and responsible for his share of maintenance. Don't let him wriggle out of that, this child only came along with his involvement. You will have to come to terms with the fact that he will never be an active part of your family. However there is a whole world of guys out there who can offer a lot more than he can.

I agree with Chandra, my exh last saw our daughter when she was 8 months old and is yet to meet our son (dd is nearly 6 and ds will be 5 in January) at the time i was completely devastated that he left me with a baby and another on the way.

I got over that and found myself to be in a lucky position. I don't have a pathetic excuse of a human questioning any decision I make for MY children and I don't have to go through what can become an extremely difficult and nasty situation of access to the children. Obviously in an ideal world all children would have their amazing dad in their lives along with wondermum.

However, we live in the real world where sad little men live with no respect for anyone but themselves and find it very easy to walk away. You are about to embark on an amazing journey and have a lovely little baby, concentrate all your energy on that, spending time worrying about that 'man' isn't going to do anything but upset you. You will not see your child go without but at the same time you will not want your child to suffer the upset this person is causing :)

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I hear what you're saying. I would like to add couple of things though. First of all I disagree with someone saying that a man has to be a good partner to be a good father. I have witnessed a man being total jerk to his partner (my friend) but he has still managed to be an amazing dad to their child. So I know it is possible. And when I said I know my ex WOULD BE a good dad, I honestly believe it. I've seen how he is with his nephews and even strangers' kids and I do know that being an uncle is not the same as being a dad but you get the idea. Also when we were happily together he would say things like he can't wait to start a faily with me, so it's not the case that he doesn't want children at all. I think the main issue is that when he was a child, his family was really poor and he wants to give his child/ren a better start to life than he had himself and he isn't quite there yet financially.

I'm not trying to defend him, I'm really angry at him right now, but I'm just trying to make you see why I believe that there is a chance he might actually come to his senses once he gets over the initial shock (i only told him 3 weeks ago, i haven't known much longer myself)

Anyway, I am preparing myself to bring up this child on my own. The only thing is, I don't have any family of my own in UK and I'm now wondering if i should contact my ex's sister/family and give them the chance to be part of my child's life even if my ex himself still refuses to have anything to do with us. I think if my brother had fathered a child, i would like to know but.. I don't know if i would just come out as some crazy woman (i have met his sister a few times and she seemed nice but she probably wouldn't "betray" her brother..?)

Sorry, I'm going on a bit

He doesn't want your baby. How is that the way of a good father?

Dont apologise! You are merely writing what you feel! :) However, his actions have made it very clear how he feels and in my experience persuing this and trying to make him see that he will love it and will be a great dad is more than likely going to make you feel like crap, no-body likes to feel like crap, its crap!

I have seen plenty of people who are great at playing with children. But being a good parent is about responsibility not play, anybody can play with a child, not everybody can carry the responsibility, because whether we like it or not, it is not just about playing.

He doesn't want the responsibility, you have to leave it there, if anything I would perhaps contact his family in the future when and if your child starts asking about them, but now? I don't thinks so. He is already accusing you of stalking him, leave him alone. He doesn't want to know.

Also, if he's good with other people's children, that's because they are other people's children. He can give them back.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have any family to support you here. Perhaps some of the women on the forum can give some advice on where to go for support as a single mum. I don't know much about your situation but you may want to think about moving closer to whereever your family is if it is an option and you think they would be able to provide support, I think it would really make a difference when the child comes.