How do you know when you love someone or they love you?

[AngryIThink]

In my dysfunctional family there was no love, that I noticed. Lots of violence and inconsistency from my father.

My mother felt more like a sibling than an adult. She had her hands full surviving.

So I feel a bit vague in this territory. I?ve been married for over 20 years to the same person and we make a good team, but I want more. So part of my enquiry is this: is it that I don?t recognise love or that I am not getting it?

Didn't want to leave you hanging.

Sounds like you have a great basis to your marriage, as you feel like a team.

It sounds to me as if you are missing some of the things that come naturally early in a relationship but can get forgotten in time, e.g. paying each other compliments, physical affection (cuddles, kisses), having fun together.

What do you think?

Thank you. We do compliments and cuddles but not enough fun.

What I am particularly interested in are the physiological signs that tell you that you feel love or loved.

There were moments with one girlfriend when I felt my teeth sort of go soft with, I guess, tenderness and affection. I could also sense a strong interest from her in my eccentricities. Not judgement but curiousity. And she would predict my reaction to things she would come across. With another I felt laughter bubbling up when I saw her several times at a supermarket.

So what is it inside your body that lets you know?

I think it's when you can't imagine a situation where you have a life without that person, or can't imagine that life without thinking you'd be very unhappy. If you can "picture" yourself being happily single or with someone else, it's not true love.

Bit of a challenge there for me. I hardly know my current feelings so have difficulty imagining being happy or otherwise in some future scenario. It is interesting that you can be so clear.