What do you think of this sentence about afternoon tea?

[MsAmerica]

Not sure if this belong here, or in Pedants, but what do you think of this second sentence, purely as a sentence, but also in terms of punctuation?

There was a silver tea-pot, and a silver kettle with a little spirit-lamp underneath, and a silver cream jug and a covered silver dish full of muffins. There was also hot buttered toast and honey and gentleman’s relish and a chocolate cake, a cherry cake, a seed cake and a fruit cake and some tomato sandwiches and pepper and salt and currant bread and butter.

Beyond reproach - who is to argue with Mr Waugh?

Where’s this from? Is it Wind in the Willows, or The lion, the witch and the wardrobe? I know I’ve read it!
to answer your question, I like the punctuation (I’m an author) although I might have been tempted to add an Oxford comma after “salt”.

That’s funny SophieStrawHat because I had the same sense of it being from the lion the witch and the wardrobe. There must be a similar list of an abundance of food there! It was somehow very familiar to me, though I don’t think I have read Vile Bodies.

It’s a stylistic, playful decision to punctuate that way, to reflect the slightly breathless excitement of so many delicious things all on one table. Reminds me of PG Wodehouse.

Far too many 'ands' for my liking tbh!

To answer the question, I’m fine with the sentence and punctuation. It gets across a childlike excitement at all that is on offer!

It's missing scones and cream.

@SophieStrawHat Rat and Mole picnic on: ‘coldchickencoldtonguecoldhamcoldbeefpickledgherkinssaladfrenchrollscresssandwichespottedmeatgingerbeerlemonadesodawater’

I’m getting Famous five vibes - “and lashings of ginger beer”, anyone?

It's from Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh

I don't have any comments on the punctuation though.

Yup

I thought of that, too!

:)

Is your issue with the lack of punctuation/commas, or the over-long sentence?

I think there's something a bit mannered about it but reading here that it's Waugh makes sense! I think the torrent of dishes and foodstuffs with few commas separating them is a deliberate stylistic decision and gives you the sense of being almost overwhelmed with all this largesse.

I would love to be able to put myself back in time and enjoy a 1920's tea like that.

Yes, it's Waugh, but it's hardly "beyond reproach" - and I hope that no one here thinks that just because one admires an author that everything he may write over the course of his life is perfect.

It think it's a dreadful sentence, messy and clumsy. I suspect that if you showed it to any decent readers who didn't know the source, they'd agree that a better version would be:

There was also hot buttered toast with honey and gentleman’s relish, a chocolate cake, a cherry cake, a seed cake, a fruit cake and some tomato sandwiches, along with currant bread and butter.

Also, it's crazy to include salt and pepper. You know perfectly well that if you were asked what you had for dinner when you went to a restaurant, you would NOT say, "Vichyssoise, poached salmon with grilled asparagus and wild rice, a chocolate souffle, AND SALT AND PEPPER."

Why be so joyless and tedious - what's the point of pulling a sentence out of a novel published in 1930 to criticise it??

There was also hot buttered toast with honey and gentleman’s relish, a chocolate cake, a cherry cake, a seed cake, a fruit cake and some tomato sandwiches, along with currant bread and butter.

Loses the pace and reads as a dull report in the parish magazine.

It reads as I can imagine someone at the time may be speaking it would, but not sure what you want anyone to do about it now, put a trigger warning?

It's a beautiful sentence - using its construction to convey atmosphere. Full marks to Mr. Waugh.

You’re right technically, but the best writing often isn’t technically correct. That’s what makes it good!

While your revised sentence is grammatically correct it's just so so dull. It completely loses the sense of abundance and awe at the amount of delicious food which Waugh conveys through all the extra "ands" and his sentence construction.

I wonder who you think you are to think that you can rewrite works by one of the greatest writers. I can absolutely guarantee that you are neither an author of his rank nor a respected academic, critic or specialist in his work.

^This.

I don’t agree with either your assessment or re-writing of the sentence (or your misplaced notion that you are somehow superior to the original author), OP.

In fact, I don’t think you actually really understand the original text beyond the placement of commas.

I want to know what the relish is doing there! Are you supposed to spread it on the hot buttered toast? It calls for the eggs and potted meat from Mole's picnic.
Tsk.

I didn’t know the source and I like the original better. I think I’m a decent reader, whatever that means! You probably don’t though, given you seem to feel a bit superior.

Silver tea-pot, silver kettle (little spirit-lamp underneath lol! 🥰 ) silver cream jug, covered silver dish (#SOMUCHSILVER 😁)FULL of muffins!!! Hot buttered toast n honey and gentleman’s relish and a chocolate cake, cherry cake, seed cake and a fruit cake #NEVERTOOMUCHCAKE 🎂
AND some tomato sandwiches and pepper and salt and currant bread and butter.😍

OMG guys, look at this literal SPREAD! 😍✨
We’ve got the ultimate silver service vibes with the teapot and kettle goals (that spirit-lamp though! 🕯️). We’re talking a mountain of muffins, hot buttered toast, honey, and GENTLEMAN’S RELISH. 🍯🍞
And the cake situation? UNREAL. Chocolate, cherry, seed, AND fruit cake?! 🍰 Plus tomato sandos, currant bread, and all the aesthetics. I am actually obsessed. Living my best tea party life! 🫖💫 #TeaTime #TabletopGoals #FoodPorn #LivingManifested