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Culture vultures

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What;s the worst song you have ever heard?

368 replies

UnquietDad · 31/07/2007 17:59

For several years, for me, it was Puffy P Diddy Daddy's drive-by murder of "Every Breath You Take", inexplicably re-titled "I'll Be Missing You", and even more inexplicably Number One for 6 weeks in 1997.

But now it's something I had the misfortune to hear the other day, a collaboration between someone called Nelly and someone called Tim McGraw.

The former presumably has enough bling and "attitude" and stupid sportswear for him not to mind people pointing at him and saying "you've got a girl's name". The latter is one of those people you only find in the American charts, clad in shades and a black cowboy hat and sporting a camp goatee. Yes, it's the world's first rap-country crossover, and it is every bit as bad as that sounds.

It meanders along for four minutes (although it seems much, much longer) with no vestige of a tune and one or both of Nelly and Tim growling "it's allll in mah heeeee-d".

The video gives away the fact that the two of them haven't even met and probably recorded the thing in two separate studios thousand of miles apart, thus betraying the "song"'s origins as a marketing-man's dream. Presumably it's aiming at snaring a predominantly-southern-state white redneck audience and an urban black audience at the same time. I note also from the video that "Nelly" also wears a plaster on his head (heeeee-d), presumably because he really isn't a wack def jam muthafeckin brutha from da streetz at all, but a bit of a wuss who got scratched by someone else in the playground.

It's such an unmitigated load of shite. And it'll probably lead to more amalgamations of the two genres: "Mah Baby Dang Done Left Me (So My Homeez Gonna Fill Da Bitch Wit Lead)" perhaps? Or "I Ain't Gonna Hang Wit Ya Posse No More (Cos You Said Mah Cousin's Dawg Was Ugly)"?

OP posts:
southeastastra · 01/08/2007 19:24

yes pc that's probably on youtube. didn't mind it that much.

the mark ronson smith's cover is absolutely awful and makes me feel ikky

Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2007 19:25

It was a very bad song, so maybe you chose to turn off the radio everytime it was played!

Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2007 19:26

There was a cover version??!!

southeastastra · 01/08/2007 19:31

The Mark Ronson cover of the Smiths song 'stop me' someone mentioned earlier.

I'm playing the hey matthew on youtube (i won't suffer you the link ) aw it's cute

Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2007 19:36

Oh right! I thought for one moment there was a cover version of that awful Matthew song!
Link it, SEA!

southeastastra · 01/08/2007 19:41

just for you

Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2007 20:25

Oh dear, it really was a bad song wasn't it?! Cute child, but still a terrible song!
Thanks for link, SEA, I hadn't had the pleasure of the video before tonight!!

Desiderata · 01/08/2007 20:27

Thanks, South (not).

I remember the song, but not the video. Typical 80s crap.

SuperMonkey · 01/08/2007 20:28

Anything and everything by Jive Bunny

MotherFunk · 02/08/2007 02:58

Message withdrawn

Miaou · 02/08/2007 10:55

I bought the hey matthew song (oh, the shame)

mozzybear · 02/08/2007 13:10

SOS by Rhianna, drivesme up the wall as do all her songs

Lady Sovereign, she's not street, she's a chavette with pretentions. DId anyone hear that estate agent who phoned up radio one to say he's shown LS round a flat and she only wanted to live in ST Johns Wood. Very Urban.

UnquietDad · 02/08/2007 13:26

Have we come this far without even mentioning "Candle In the Wind 1997"? Sort of topical, so we really should. A record which sold 5 million copies, and yet which (unlike the bombastic genius that is "Bohemian Rhapsody", the only song with comparable sales) I can literally imagine nobody actually listening to for pleasure. It's so awful that every copy in existence should be jumped on, smashed into little pieces, pulverised and sent to Elton John in a Jiffy-bag with instructions to shove it where the sun don't shine.

If you own one, do it now.

(Good god, we are in for a whole month of Di-worship-nostalgia... can you imagine if this place had exitsed 10 years ago? It would have been all-out war between the Worshippers and the Cynics.)

OP posts:
madamez · 02/08/2007 14:46

UQD: oh thanks for reminding me of that pile of shite. ANd please stop scaring me with thoughts of a month of revived mass brain donation, urrgh.
More rubbish music by the way - anything by the Smiths (fuck OFF you whiny speccy TIT!) and almost all of Pink Floyd post Sid Barratt.

Oh and I absolutely f* HATE New Model Army, mainly due to being force-fed them by an associate of mine.

margoandjerry · 02/08/2007 16:51

Oooh, yeah, can we do "cool" bands who are in fact dreadful?

Smiths - they ruined sixth form for me. Everyone loved them and I knew they were pretentious crap.

Joy Division - men seem to like this more than women. Hideous. That World in Motion song - made up in someone's bedroom on a bontempi keyboard, that's for sure.

Oh and hate above all hate - U2. Beyond awful. Hideous. Bombastic rubbish.

margoandjerry · 02/08/2007 16:52

meant Joy Division and New Order, obviously

Pinkchampagne · 02/08/2007 17:24

I like U2!

UnquietDad · 02/08/2007 17:48

And I like New Order!

OP posts:
CatIsSleepy · 02/08/2007 18:19

and I like the Smiths!

but I do hate U2

southeastastra · 02/08/2007 19:05

quite like joy division it's miserable in a cheery way. new order are just miserable

still hate that mark ronson smiths cover

madamez · 02/08/2007 21:25

Oh and what about all that wanky wilfully obscure stuff that is in fact utterly fucking unlistenable, like Aphex Twin?
And does anyone remember Riot Grrl - being totally useless and proud of it because it meant you weren't in thrall to the patriarchal competence machine, sister, and the fact that you couldn't play, couldn't sing and couldn't string two words together was proof of how deeply REAL you were?
Admittedly this particular type of idiocy crops up with a different label (not always 'feminist' either) every few years or so.

CatIsSleepy · 03/08/2007 09:11

madamez I had a boyfriend long time ago who was into that kind of wanky unlistenable stuff (not exclusively though... thank god). I seem to remember one especially virulently unlistenable bunch of noise-merchants called Skinny Puppy...
I was way too impressionable at the time and as a result my record collection is graced by Locust Abortion Technician by the Butthole Surfers . Am not proud of that one!

mozzybear · 03/08/2007 22:13

Buthole Surfers....

I bet John Pell played them at some stage!

mozzybear · 03/08/2007 22:13

Peel, sorry

backonthedecaff · 03/08/2007 22:31

I just called to say I love you.
PS William Shatner's version of Common People is a masterpiece.

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