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Poetry Workshop/Exercise 5

34 replies

Janstar · 26/05/2004 14:39

By popular demand (popsycal) here is exercise 5.

Poems do not need to contain metaphors in order to be good. However, metaphors are often used in poetry and can make a good poem much better.

A metaphor is description which is imaginatively but not literally representative of that which it describes. It may be personification of an inanimate object, for example.

The following is an example:

Digging for Gold

Monday Morning
the suits conglomerate.
Home counties
merge osmotically
into square mile.
All carry tools.
Laptops wedged in
standing room only.
Phones ringing
in sardine cans.
Springs for queue-jumping.
Ropes for climbing.
Knives for back-stabbing.
Drugs for stress.
Picks and shovels
intended for gold-digging
form holes
into which they fall.

As we all know, city white-collar workers do not carry picks and shovels to work. These are used as metaphors - they are gold-digging after all.

Try writing a poem which contains a metaphor.

OP posts:
popsycal · 28/05/2004 19:00

it would though janstar, after afew drinks

popsycal · 29/05/2004 11:45

Anyone else got a poem yet??

Janstar · 29/05/2004 14:55

I think I'm just about sober now. Blooming friend came back in the evening just as I was sobering up and took me to play pool. Then came home at 10 and drank more wine with dh till 1.30am. Yes I know. And we're going out tonight as well

Your poem...I think it's turned out very well. The rhymes are unusual and clever and do not sound jingly (which can ruin a serious poem). The metaphor is carried through with skilful choice of words...YES!

Just feel slighty uncomfortable with the penultimate stanza which put me in mind of government spin

OP posts:
popsycal · 29/05/2004 14:59

lol janstar about filnal stanza!

i am not entirly happy with the final one myself,,,,
may come back to it later today

thanks as always for you fab feedback

so where is everyone else? Are janstar and I alone on this one??

popsycal · 29/05/2004 14:59

meannt second last stanza

Janstar · 29/05/2004 15:05

I like the final stanza.

How come you are always lurking, popsy?

OP posts:
popsycal · 29/05/2004 15:07

just got in actaully - on cbeebeies with ds haha

Janstar · 29/05/2004 15:10

I can't be doing with all that. I leave it to dh it's more his intellectual level. Well, you'll find out for yourself if you make it to the summer party. We can sit round the campfire with our vats of wine making up witty and humourous verses

Got to go and do some work now but do hope to get some more poems on here...

OP posts:
popsycal · 31/05/2004 20:52

COme on folks - can't just be me and Jan!

Getting metaphoring

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