I wasn’t sure which thread to put this on, but thought this was the most appropriate one..?
Anyway, quite heavy for a Sunday night but I just kind of feel like I need to get it out.
So, my husband and I were talking about the me too campaign this evening and I was telling him about the terrifying amount of times (sadly like most women) that I’ve experienced some form of sexual harassment etc in my teens and 20’s.
I then found myself telling him about something that happened to me about 10 years ago that I’ve always kind of brushed off, but after saying it out loud I was suddenly felt a bit tearful and had an odd reaction to it. I think I perhaps came to the realisation that I think I was almost raped?
10 years ago, I had met this guy in the waitressing job I had in my uni holidays. He was a friend of a friend and we knew his family locally. I’d gone on a date with him that kind of turned into a night out with his friends, and we ended up crashing at his friends house after. His friend gave us a spare room to crash in. I made it very clear to this guy that I wasn’t remotely interested in having sex - it was very late and all I wanted to do was sleep. But I remember him having different ideas. Im not very big, and he was quite a big guy and I remember him verbally and physically not taking no for an answer. There was one point he was trying to forcibly pull my knickers aside to try to push himself in me, whilst I was telling him no and pulling them back and having to keep my legs pulled right closed and crossed over to stop him from forcibly trying to open them to have sex. I remember feeling quite panicked and trying to wriggle away as best I could. Luckily he eventually gave up (and I think I was probably making more of a panicked fuss than he’d have liked), and fell asleep.
I remember having such a strong reaction against him from that point on, and absolutely hating him. All I wanted to do was get home but I didn’t want to worry my mum (seems mental now - she’d be devastated if she knew this) so I didn’t call her. I lay awake until the morning when he then had to take me home. I remember him trying to put his hand on my knee on the journey home but I kept moving it and in the end told him that I had the worst night of my life and didn’t want to see him again.
He then had the audacity to get out the car when he got to my house, and introduce himself to my dad, and spent half an hour sweet talking my dad. I just went upstairs without saying a word to him and didn’t come down until he’d finally left. He actually made me feel physically sick. I think I just told my parents he was really rude and pushy and didn’t go into any details. Since then I’ve always just brushed it off by saying he was just pushy and rude. But I’d not really told anyone the details until today.
Anyway nothing actually happened in the end and I’m fine now - I dated good people after that and married a WONDERFUL man that I adore. But I was just surprised by my reaction to it today. Perhaps I’m blowing it up into more than it was? Who knows.. but it’s made me a bit anxious about my future daughter - I’m 5 months pregnant now with a little girl and I just hope with all my heart that she won’t have to ever experience anything like that. The world can be a scary place.