Being stalked by my ex boyfriends girlfriend for two years

[Mamacita92]

My first post on here and I’m looking for some advice as I’m really spooked out. I split up with my son’s dad 2 years ago when I found out he had been cheating on me with a girl 10 years younger than us. She was 20 at the time and we were both 30. Me and my son’s dad had been together for 10 years at that point but as soon as I found out about the cheating I ended it. He continued with the girl and they have now been together for two years. I really couldn’t care less how their relationship is going although I have been told things here and there through my sons nan and aunties and it seems she’s very immature and they argue a lot. I’ve made it very clear that she isn’t allowed to be anywhere near my son when he sees his dad and there hasn’t been any issues.
The passed two years, this female, has done all she can to make my life hell. She has created fake accounts on social media claiming to be me and messaged herself fake messages to cause arguments between me and my sons dad, she has added me of 30+ fake accounts, some that look pretty realistic just to watch my socials. She usually slips up by leaving on location settings or forgetting to sign out of the account and posting pictures of herself etc so I’ve caught her out quite a few times. There was another time, she added me on Snapchat and screen shotted my whole story then deleted me again. She’s also made her friends add me, be rude, make threats and then delete me. Another worrying thing is that my car was scratched last year from one side to the other. I’ve always thought this was her but had no proof. You’re probably wondering why she is seeing all of this crazy stuff. The scariest thing is that I genuinely have no idea. The only communication I have with my ex is to do with our son and I try to keep things short and sweet. We are Co parenting well but this girl is constantly causing issues.maybe he is cheating on her like he did on me? Maybe she thinks this is with me? Maybe he is saying things to her in arguments to wind her up? Who knows but I can’t continue to be stalked and harassed like this. It’s every few days.

it’s now gotten to the point where I need to look at my legal rights. If she’s capable of being so obsessed with me and stalking me for absolutely no reason, then I feel she’s capable of attacking me etc. should I call the police? Would they be able to track her and could I prove all of the above? I have screen shots of the above. Also, all I know about her is her name and once she added me from a fake Snapchat profile and left her location settings on so I think I know the block she lives in. But this is all. What can the police do with this? Is it worth it? Or shall I give her none of my energy and just continue to block her on everything she adds me on in hopes one day she will stop. Help please

Have you spoken to your ex about this? What did he say?

And yes, contact the police, with all the evidence you have.

what does your ex say?

OP, I don’t have SM accounts so I appreciate I don’t have any attachment to them - but I’d suspend all of my accounts. This seems to be the main way she reaches you, so hopefully she’d lose interest if you were no longer on there. I understand you shouldn’t have to do this, however if it’s causing significant stress it may be worth thinking about. I’m sure there’s also a function that doesn’t allow your name to be searched or a friend request added. Please don’t accept people you don’t know online either, it’s scary how much can be accessed.

Absolutely report to the police and manage your SM accounts in the meantime.

Is your SM accounts not locked down? You can change your account settings, so that only friends/family can see your posts. If she tries to add you as a friend, then you can review the person first, and it doesn't automatically allow them access to your posts. If your SM is public, then, it's easy for her to stalk you. Make sure your settings are private.

Thank you all, I will look into my settings now to make sure I’m unreachable. All my SM is on private. I also forgot to mention, an anonymous call was made with my work in February accusing me of being aggressive towards a client. The date the anonymous caller gave I was actually out of work that entire week on a course, so this was an obvious malicious call. Again, it’s hard to prove it was her but there is nobody else it could be! I keep myself to myself and have no enemies. It’s just embarrassing having to explain to my manager that I have a stalker etc. it’s scary how much she knows about me yet I know hardly anything about her. She must have looked me up on linked in and found my office or maybe even followed my work friends on SM to find out where our office is etc.

as for my ex, yes I’ve addressed it with him and he always just says “I’ll sort it” “I’ll speak to her” etc but the same stuff keeps on happening.

im going to have to contact the police I think. I just hope they can do something as I have none of her details really. Not sure what they can do also given all my evidence is screen shots, and pictures of my car. Plus could get a letter from my manager at work. But still, it’s hard to prove it’s her, even though I know it is!

Yes, definitely check your settings OP and check out this link.

https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/har/harassment-on-social-media/

Defo report to police, if you have screenshots then save them as they will need for evidence. If you can't prove it's her they will be able to request IP address checks.
This is harassment, you don't need to put up with this at all x Please report x

I expect the police would at least "have a word" with her. Obviously they will be able to contact her through your ex if you don't have her name. I don't understand how she is able to have so much access to your SM you need to lock it down or delete it.

I would say to your ex to sort it out otherwise you’re going to the police. Have all of your social media private so she can’t find you.

I wouldn’t bother with your ex. He’s a loser. Just go yo the police.

It’s become unbearable. I’ve just changed settings on Snapchat. Didn’t realise I could do this. My concern now is, if she can’t harass me through SM what will be next? If it was her who scratched my car while it was parked outside my work, and her who called up my work place making fake accusations anonymously, what else is she capable of. I’ve done so much research tonight. I’m going to have to file a report with the police. Even if all they can do is have a word, I hope and pray this is enough to scare her and make her leave me alone. I’ll do this tomorrow after work. It’s become relentless and it’s making me constantly worried. I just don’t get what her aim is with this. What is stalking me and harassing me achieving. It’s so bizarre. Unfortunately the only thing I can think is that she isn’t a sane person. Nobody sane would do things like this. Which makes it even more concerning. Thank you all for your help. X

This may well be triggered by telling your ex she wasn’t permitted to spend time with your son.

Now she’s acting so irrationally you definitely won’t want her around your son.

https://www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/national-stalking-helpline

You can contact the stalking helpline for advice.

Police info here
https://www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/beta-stalking-and-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/

Several things jump out at me
She's been with your ex for two years , she is his partner. Saying she can't see your children isn't actually your say. And is unreasonable I do understand that's difficult for you

Secondly ..why are you allowing people you don't know onto your socials ? You sound like a 15 year old!

Thirdly , yes If she is harassing you go to the police

You didn't mean that the op was at fault?

“My concern now is, if she can’t harass me through SM what will be next?”

This is a valid concern, I think calling the helpline a pp shared will hopefully shed some light on this as I’m sure this comes up a lot in stalking cases. Does your work car park/street have any cctv? Your boss is aware of the malicious allegation at work, could you prep her to say something like “we’d need to take down your name and number to look into this complaint”, as I’m guessing previous call was withheld? I’m sure she wouldn’t give her real info but it may deter her a bit. Dash-cams (as far as I know) do not record continuously? otherwise this would have been a good option. Have you got a ring door bell at home? I guess the main thing is not to engage but gather as much evidence as possible. Glad you’ve changed the settings on your SM accounts, I wouldn’t bother talking to your ex anymore, it’s just giving the girlfriend more ammo. Police all the way now.

@wizzywigno, as I said this may have been triggered by the parameters the op set.

Even it were how is that the ops “fault”?

The parameters of co-parenting are agreed between the op and her ex, no one else’s business.

For all we know the ex has fed the gf a pack of lies, maybe she doesn’t like to feel “dictated to by someone else”, maybe she stalks all her partners ex’s in every relationship because she’s insecure.

Just to clarify, how I found out my ex had cheated on me was from this girl adding me on SM, I clicked on the page to see who it was, the page was open and I saw she had recently uploaded a load of pictures and then added me deliberately for me to see. I saw enough and ended our relationship. The stalking started right away. As did the harassment. This was the reason I said that she is not allowed around my son. I do not trust her and if any part of me doesn’t trust somebody, I will not and do not have to allow anybody in to his life. This isn’t about controlling my ex’s life or being difficult — it’s about making sure our child is in a safe, stable, and in a trusted environment. Had his new partner approached the situation differently and not been weird from the offset then things would have been different. My judgment and gut instinct is all I have in this situation and thankfully, I believe my judgment was right.

unfortunately no cameras where my car was parked. I’ve since changed my car in hopes she won’t find my new one. I’ve also had cameras installed at the front and back of my house.

I’ve gone ahead and filed a police report online tonight. I’ve also uploaded evidence and I’ve received an email to say it will be looked at and a police officer will be in touch. Looking back through the pictures and screen shots I have has been really upsetting. I have a whole folder on my phone that I set up last year called “harassment” that has 312 pictures/screen shots. I really pray they can do something here and put a stop to this. My anxiety levels are through the roof and it’s effecting my functioning.

Thank you for all your help.

this is the only logical thing I can think of that she has been fed a load of lies or been wound up into thinking I’m in some way a threat to their relationship. But even if she is being gas lit, why not just walk away? I can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with her but regardless of what’s gone on between them two, her actions are very very strange. At first, I thought maybe she’s just young and being a sucker for love. Perhaps shes curious, maybe she’s comparing herself to me or maybe she’s over thinking but then the harassment got gradually worse and worse until it’s now at a point where it’s literally something new every few days. I’ve filed a police report now. I’ll update the feed with how it goes.

I can see why you don't want her around your son, but legally you have no right to insist that. It's interesting that your ex has obeyed that for two years as he's clearly not a respectful man - do you think he knows she is unhinged too? Or sees her as a fling? Or maybe she has met him?

I wonder if that makes her feel insecure or less than in the relationship?

What nonsense sorry that you have to deal with it , you sound like a mature grown up
Sensible mum putting her child first

I would get a ring door bell

I hope the police are sorting this as it’s not fair . When I called the police on my ex it actually was a relief in the end

1. Dont accept friend/follow requests on SM from people you don’t know IRL.
2. Acceot that you can’t dictate who your some spends time with when he’s with his dad (there is no legal basis for this and if he challenges you on it and you try to go a legal route to prevent the gf seeing your son, you will fail), and if he wants the gf to be there, she will be.

Actioning the points above should solve your problem.

I already know the law. However it’s a joint decision for the girl not to be around our child. They don’t live together or see each other everyday, they meet up once a week on a Saturday night. She has absolutely no business what so ever to be around my child.

i really don’t think this is the issue. I highly doubt this is why she is stalking me each and everyday, scratching my car. Calling my work place, stalking my friends etc