How do I support my daughter? TW: SA / r@pe

[YouShouldBeDancingYeah]

My daughter is 20 and at university. Today she sent me the worst WhatsApp I've ever received telling me she couldn't find the words to tell me in person but she'd been attacked and r@ped three days ago while walking home from the SU.
With some support from me, her stepdad and friends she's reported it to the police which is the first step. We have a long way to go...anyone been in this situation who can tell me how I can best support my daughter? I feel sick, sad and lurch from despair and sadness to anger every five minutes. Thank you.

I'm so sorry. My DD was attacked (similar age) and it's awful.

Get her in touch with Victim Support. They are fantastic- and can help with everything from the court process (advocating for her, arranging a support worker to be with her, being copied in on court emails to explain things in key terms) to counselling to support groups.
Additionally, the Uni should offer some support. It'll depend on the Uni as to how the students go about accessing this, and what kind of support they offer, but my DD's uni gave her a Student Support Plan. This allows her an unlimited number of absences (if she feels she needs to come home, she is able), as well as some flexibility around assignment deadlines (if mental health gets in the way of being able to turn things in.) It's the only way my DD was able to continue at uni, her mental health took a huge hit after her assault and she required the flexibility from the uni without any penalties.

Are you able to go and see her?

Thank you. I'm going to see her first thing tomorrow. The police have been fantastic and have put her in touch with a victim support service in her area. I will encourage her to get support from her uni welfare team so she can navigate and process this. Sending you and your daughter a huge hug.

No advice I'm afraid, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter.

From what the PP said, it sounds like Victim Support will be a great help so hopefully they'll be in touch ASAP.

Will be good when you can be with your daughter tomorrow. Sending love and strength to get through this awful time.

Depending on where she is studying the SARC she was taken to should have given her info on support. She should also have been allocated an ISVA. Rape crisis are also very good

It's very hard to know what to do for the best

She has received lots of advice and support from the SARC and the police. Very early days I guess. The police did tell her it would be a long process to navigate. All I can do is be there to help her through that.

It's a lot to take in, so the sooner victim support get involved the better as it feels as though someone who knows what they are doing is steering the ship! If it's like my DD's local branch, they'll ask what she's wanting from the service. It's definitely worth talking it through, but ask for advocacy, for the worker she's assigned to be copied in on emails from the police, and for access to talking support. Huge hugs to the both of you.

I don't have anything to add other than you are an amazing mom. I was saxually assaulted and my mom didn't believe me.
The fact that you didn't doubt her even for a second will help her immensely.

I cannot add anything but more sympathy to her and you. She will need so much support and help. Don’t forget to look after yourself too so you can be well to help her both now, and as time goes on.

💐I am so sorry for what happened to you.

I'm so sorry you weren't believed, that is dreadful.

Thank you that is very helpful!

Hi op.
I'm so sorry for her.
My main thing to say is give yourself a big applause that she was able to immediately tell you - this speaks volumes about how much she trusts you and trusts your reactions and that you can keep her feeling safe and you can handle anything. I don't think I'd be able to tell my own mum this due to how she'd react ( then I'd have to worry about her worrying, if you see what I mean).

What she needs to hear again and again is that this is in no way her fault and is only the fault of the attacker, and also that she has not been changed in any way and how brave she is for reporting and helping to keep other women safe when they catch him (which they might do soon or maybe not for many years until he does it again). Ask her what she needs to feel safe - extra locks? Taxi money? You to come visit?

Thanks. I'm honoured she trusts me so much and in return I will help her do whatever she needs. Her house is currently under forensic examination and she can't go back in so I brought her PJS, clothes and toiletries as she's staying with friends. Also played taxi driver as she needed medical attention and to go and see the uni student support. They're putting together a support plan for her, everyone we've spoken to has been just so helpful. I still feel
just so helpless and I wish she could just give me her pain. I guess it's baby steps from now on. Thanks to all who replied

How are you and your daughter doing?