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Victims of crime

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Original poster

Concered for Elderly Neighbour WWYD?

29 replies

BooksAndFootie · 24/09/2024 13:57

DN is in 80s and recently widowed. I have been her next door neighbour for 11 years.

I have no evidence but from what she's told me and from what I've seen of the people coming and going from the house since her husband passed away it seems like she is being victimised by having things stolen. She's said cash (a considerable amount), booze and keys had gone missing, and other bits and pieces.

The other night she called the police as she thought someone was in the house at 4am.

Her D (who does not live with her but visits since DNs husband died last December) told me DN is 'losing her mind' and 'accusing family members of all sorts'.

I tend to believe my DN over the D.

Do I keep my nose out even though I suspect my DN is being targeted by her own family? They were not on the scene at all for the 10 years before DNs husband died, even though the family all live within walking distance.

Or, do I contact our local police who came out to her and voice my concerns to the authorities?

I would just hate for my DN to be treated like this and do nothing to try and help.

WWYD?

OP posts:
MellersSmellers · 28/09/2024 12:01

BreatheAndFocus · 28/09/2024 08:34

There’s no way you can know whether she’s misplacing things/misremembering or whether others are taking things. What you could do to help is encourage her not to keep large amounts of cash in the house for a start. She might also like a Ring doorbell or similar. I find it hard to believe someone would be in her house at 4am. If it was family stealing things, they could just do it when they were there during the day.

My elderly parent now loses everything - sets of house keys, car keys, books, lists, alcohol (which just disappears - except it doesn’t, she just doesn’t remember drinking it). I’m not saying that’s the case here but the early signs of dementia are subtle.

You could report it to Adult Social Services as a safeguarding concern, but I’d try to get more information first.

This.
You don't know the truth of it so I would be careful at this stage, but I would certainly be encouraging her to take sensible measures such as ensuring there is not much money in the house and perhaps to keep her valuables in a locked drawer. My elderly neighbour was taken advantage of by her mentally ill grandson who routinely stole from her purse. Making sure she talks to you, and subtely letting the daughter know that is the case, might discourage them if indeed they are up to something.
I would suggest Age Concern for advice over social services or the police until you have more evidence of financial or other abuse

Swiftie1878 · 28/09/2024 14:18

Contact the police and suggest she installs some cameras inside her home (without telling family).

oakleaffy · 28/09/2024 14:29

It does sound like possible cognitive decline.
An older woman near us would hallucinate at night and by day, saying people had locked her out of her home.
She was in huge distress thinking she’d been locked out during a massive heatwave-
She was wearing so many cardigans

I got her help but she didn’t recognise me - Her immediate neighbours said she’d be shouting at invisible people all night sometimes.

Very distressing for her.

Nursebydaywitchbynight · 16/10/2024 22:35

BooksAndFootie · 24/09/2024 13:57

DN is in 80s and recently widowed. I have been her next door neighbour for 11 years.

I have no evidence but from what she's told me and from what I've seen of the people coming and going from the house since her husband passed away it seems like she is being victimised by having things stolen. She's said cash (a considerable amount), booze and keys had gone missing, and other bits and pieces.

The other night she called the police as she thought someone was in the house at 4am.

Her D (who does not live with her but visits since DNs husband died last December) told me DN is 'losing her mind' and 'accusing family members of all sorts'.

I tend to believe my DN over the D.

Do I keep my nose out even though I suspect my DN is being targeted by her own family? They were not on the scene at all for the 10 years before DNs husband died, even though the family all live within walking distance.

Or, do I contact our local police who came out to her and voice my concerns to the authorities?

I would just hate for my DN to be treated like this and do nothing to try and help.

WWYD?

Ring your local social services and ask for safeguarding in adult social care. Tell them your worries and if it's nothing no harm done, if there is then hopefully it is stopped. We all have a duty to protect our elderly neighbours. It can be anon too. I've seem some horrible things in my job. Can never be to careful

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