Looking for unbiased opinions

[Solarus]

Trigger warning as this mentions a pedophile
This is a true ongoing case. Posted on behalf of a person involved who wishes to remain anonymous.
I will not say as to which side of this case they belong.

Please note that this has been extremely simplified, but the person involved would like unbiased opinions on who is making the right and/or wrong choice.

Real names have not been used, below you will see code names.

Mother (M)

Daughter (D)

Mothers Best Friend (MBF)

Best Friends Husband (BFH)

Things to take into consideration.

Mum and best friend are very close and have been friends for many years (before best friend met husband).

Mum is a single mum to a young girl and older boy.

Best friend's husband would baby sit while mum had a break from the children and spent some time with best friend.

Last year, (D) of 4 years old told her (M) something that was not right.
(M) acted upon what she was told and got to the truth.

The truth was that her (BFH) has done unspeakable things to her 4yo (D).

When confronted the (BFH) admitted he had done wrong, so whilst the (M) made the call to the police, the (BFH) went and handed himself in.

Initially the (BF) was just as upset and angry as everyone else.

However after a few months things change and the (BF) decides to stand by her husband believing he is just sick and will get better.

(M) had to cut contact with (BF) in the best interests and safety of her (D).

The questions here in all of this, although broken down and very simplified, is the (BF) making the right choice risking her whole future, friends and family for her husband knowing everything he did?

Has the (M) done the right thing cutting off the (BF)?

Please also note the police have and still are dealing with all of this. The victims' family are getting all the care and support they need and are doing well.

No. He is not sick. He is a paedophile and a criminal and utterly disgusting. If BF stands next to him she is condoning him and she sits in a very similar category as far as I'm concerned.

I hope that D is ok and getting help. Her M acting immediately and believing her was so important.

No one needs BF or BFH in their lives ever again.

BFH is not 'just sick'. He has molested a child. He has done actual direct wrong. It's not even theoretical; her standpoint might be understandable, though still contentious, if he confessed to her that he felt an urge or an attraction to a child, but had done nothing (if she could believe him), but he has actually assaulted a child.

BF is 'blindly in love' and defending her husband blindly. This is wrong of her.

M has done the right thing. Even if M and BF could maintain a relationship which did not involve BFH in any way and it could be guaranteed that neither M nor her children would ever meet BFH again, as long as BF downplays and justifies her husband's assault on M's child, it's not surprising for M to not want to spend time with her. BF, as a person downplaying what happened to D, should be kept away from D, who has already been sexually assaulted and should not be exposed to people who will downplay and justify what happened to her. Poor little kid.

I think he has groomed the woman to believe it’s a sickness that can be cured - he probably hopes it looks good with police etc that she is standing by her man.
He engineered opportunities to abuse a very young child

The mother of the child has done the right thing - if she remained friends with the BF ( who is now blinded to the realities of what the man did) then the child and other children are not safe
This is not a woman to be BF with - the safety of the child comes first

Mother has absolutely done the right thing. Her DD is her priority and must be protected at all costs.

I couldn't be friends with someone who stayed with a paedophile or made excuses for them. I would ditch them without a second thought.

I don’t even think this scenario is unusual. I know someone whose partner went to prison for CSA and she was waiting for him to get out. He had abused children within her family and they had children of her own There was another case of a Christian family welcoming a convicted paedophile into their family ( in which they had children) because everyone deserved a second chance. No guesses for what happened there. . People can persuade themselves of all sorts of things.

Yes mum is absolutely right to break all contact and not look back.

You'd be surprised just how many women do 'stand by their man'. For some it's shock, denial & when that wears off she ends that support.

For some it's nore complex & they need to hear the evidence & guilty verdict before they can bring themselves to believe it.
Some believe in the better ir worse marriage wows.

Some struggle to accept that it really IS that bad because if they do, they HAVE to act accordingly.

i think one of the difficulties is that there is, as should be support for the victims, theres even support for the perpetrators but, none for the 'collateral damage' that is the family of the perp.

news.sky.com/story/i-cant-defend-what-he-did-why-i-stayed-with-my-child-sex-offender-husband-13020279