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Victims of crime

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. For free advice contact Victim Support.https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Please help

9 replies

LucyG5 · 11/12/2023 18:45

i no I will be judged and criticised for this but I will take it as I know it is wrong.
i need advice as it’s really taking over my life the guilt.
when I was a teenager (17)I was in a refuge with my family and my mom I sat with every meeting she was talking about my dad what he done ect ect.
I met a lady in there we would sneak out to go clubbing it I loved it back then as was great being a teenager. I always had a bf my present one now.
we left refuge and stayed in contact with lady (she was a older lady and a heavy drinker)
we would meet up alot ect after this
my bf got his own place I moved in with him. we use to argue alot because of me wanting to bring everyone back to party (he wasn’t a drinker) there was two occasions police was called nothing happened just made sure bath was ok ect I hold my hands up I was hard work. In the end he said I couldn’t come back to there as just ends up row while I’m with people and drink . This friend kept saying said we could be close together and I could get my own place… she told me to go to women’s aid and say everything my mom said about my dad about my bf I would get to be were we was before if I did this I got so drunk before going in there with her I don’t remember a single thing being sat there just before hand it feels like I’ve just dreamed it. Only time I was made aware I had a letter to say I was high risk was took to marac meeting I panicked and got realy down as I couldn’t believe I tried to call women’s aid and they didn’t really take much notice what I said. Still then I was out drinking a lot being selfish. It wasn’t until my partner left me because the way o was acting arguing ect wild in fact. (Bare in mind he knows nothing about any of this) was my biggest wake up call I got a brilliant job I got into church and that’s when everything come back to me and haunted me until this day 2 years later It was eating me up. I went to the police to say I’ve told a lie ect ect I think I should be done for purjery or I will do some volunteer work to give back of time I used as I no it was wrong in every way. They didn’t really take much notice again ( feel like they thought I got sent there by somone) I have gone on to have a family with this man it has been 10 years since and the guilt every day eats me up to the point it’s making me there isn’t a day it leaves my mind I cry constant. The guilt looking at him as he has no clue and I no when he does know he will more than likley leave me (as I so rightly deserve it) but so worried to have I have the most perfect family and his such a good man and most amazing dad. If anything was to cross our paths in the future as us as parents or individuals in black and white he will be looked at the most horrendous person. I feel so terrible I would of happly took a charge or give something back as the guilt for him and the guilt the resources used for a lie for my own selfish way I’ve tried everything to the point of confession it doesn’t take it away I’ve considered counselling but so ashamed of what I’ve done: could anyone advice what I should do I don’t know how to resolve this?
my guilt is 100% my karma but I feel like I can’t sit back and allow for myself to take no consequences for what I’ve done but potentially ruin someone life.
he will automatically look like a animal.
I wish I could erase this prob worst year of my life.
sorry for long message.

OP posts:
Shiningout · 11/12/2023 19:03

Your post was hard for me to follow so can you clarify, did you report your partner for abusing you? But he wasn't? Is that what you're guilty about?

LucyG5 · 11/12/2023 20:10

Sorry. Well I went to women’s aid not police but as I’ve seen they took it to a marac meeting.

OP posts:
LucyG5 · 12/12/2023 19:25

Sorry. Well I went to women’s aid not police but as I’ve seen they took it to a marac meeting

OP posts:
Shiningout · 12/12/2023 22:59

Can you report this to mumsmet and ask to be moved to a more popular topic? You won't get many answers here

HereForTheFreeLunch · 12/12/2023 23:29

What's a marac meeting?

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 12/12/2023 23:33

Can you explain the consequences of your lie a bit more op? And yes, what's a marac meeting?

BombaySamphire · 12/12/2023 23:36

Is this your current partner?

SnowflakeSparkles · 12/12/2023 23:44

OP.

You were young. You had an unstable home life. You were influenced by an older individual. You did not maliciously report your partner in order to cause harm to him, you did it because you were promised by your friend that it would secure you a home you wanted.

You have already taken action to try and rectify this practically. I think you need to shift your focus from feeling the need to seek punishment for yourself to being grateful that you did not do much damage; you grew and changed, got over what sounds like a drinking problem and made a life with someone you loved.

What would it benefit anyone to divulge this to your partner 10 years later. You were a teenager!

Pieceofpurplesky · 13/12/2023 00:24

MARAC is a multiagency risk assessment conference

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