i no I will be judged and criticised for this but I will take it as I know it is wrong.
i need advice as it’s really taking over my life the guilt.
when I was a teenager (17)I was in a refuge with my family and my mom I sat with every meeting she was talking about my dad what he done ect ect.
I met a lady in there we would sneak out to go clubbing it I loved it back then as was great being a teenager. I always had a bf my present one now.
we left refuge and stayed in contact with lady (she was a older lady and a heavy drinker)
we would meet up alot ect after this
my bf got his own place I moved in with him. we use to argue alot because of me wanting to bring everyone back to party (he wasn’t a drinker) there was two occasions police was called nothing happened just made sure bath was ok ect I hold my hands up I was hard work. In the end he said I couldn’t come back to there as just ends up row while I’m with people and drink . This friend kept saying said we could be close together and I could get my own place… she told me to go to women’s aid and say everything my mom said about my dad about my bf I would get to be were we was before if I did this I got so drunk before going in there with her I don’t remember a single thing being sat there just before hand it feels like I’ve just dreamed it. Only time I was made aware I had a letter to say I was high risk was took to marac meeting I panicked and got realy down as I couldn’t believe I tried to call women’s aid and they didn’t really take much notice what I said. Still then I was out drinking a lot being selfish. It wasn’t until my partner left me because the way o was acting arguing ect wild in fact. (Bare in mind he knows nothing about any of this) was my biggest wake up call I got a brilliant job I got into church and that’s when everything come back to me and haunted me until this day 2 years later It was eating me up. I went to the police to say I’ve told a lie ect ect I think I should be done for purjery or I will do some volunteer work to give back of time I used as I no it was wrong in every way. They didn’t really take much notice again ( feel like they thought I got sent there by somone) I have gone on to have a family with this man it has been 10 years since and the guilt every day eats me up to the point it’s making me there isn’t a day it leaves my mind I cry constant. The guilt looking at him as he has no clue and I no when he does know he will more than likley leave me (as I so rightly deserve it) but so worried to have I have the most perfect family and his such a good man and most amazing dad. If anything was to cross our paths in the future as us as parents or individuals in black and white he will be looked at the most horrendous person. I feel so terrible I would of happly took a charge or give something back as the guilt for him and the guilt the resources used for a lie for my own selfish way I’ve tried everything to the point of confession it doesn’t take it away I’ve considered counselling but so ashamed of what I’ve done: could anyone advice what I should do I don’t know how to resolve this?
my guilt is 100% my karma but I feel like I can’t sit back and allow for myself to take no consequences for what I’ve done but potentially ruin someone life.
he will automatically look like a animal.
I wish I could erase this prob worst year of my life.
sorry for long message.