The family of murderers

[Princessfuckingpeach]

Shit title, but couldn't think how else to word it.

I've been following closely current on going trial, I'm not say which one because the thread will be deleted.

Whilst this person in my opinion has committed the worst crimes possible, this person's family look broken.
Obviously my heart breaks for the victims families, that goes without saying.

Many years ago I was working next door to a family who's son committed a awful murder, the family weren't the nicest by any means, but also, not the worst.
I had words with the mum on a few occasions, but equally, I'd send her a Christmas card and she would think nothing of sending on of her kids over with a crispy cake if she'd made too many. (I worked as a carer for a gent who lived in the house).
Anyway her son brutally murdered a young woman. It crushed his whole family.
Before he was arrested, I'd see him regularly, he was actually just a bit older than me and most mornings I arrived at work I'd bump into him, smiley, good looking young fella, I often considered asking him for a drink, thankfully I didn't!

But my word, his mother, she was broken by what he'd done. I would see plain clothed officers often consoling her and once news broke, (high profile murder of a sex worker) the road became flooded with people the victim associated with poor victim, just crowding the murderers family home.
(He actually didn't live there when he committed the crime, he would start work early and still went to his mums for breakfast which is how I would see him often) but yeah, as devastating at it was for the family of his victim, seeing his mum, a fiesty, somewhat gobby, but ultimately kind woman, go into the broken shell she became, horrifying. Obviously they had to sell up and move. The crowds of sex workers and drug addicts who knew the victim were often wearing t shirts of her face and became extremely antisocial. (Smashed windows, the usual shebang)

As I say, my sympathy is obviously with the victim and their families. (I had a relative murdered by an infamous serial killer in the 90s, so please don't think I'm being flippant) but my heart does bleed for the families of killers.
It's just seeing how broken they are, it's crushing.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just being a bit pathetic? I've my hard hat on, in case I am!

I knew a young lad who murdered his mother's boyfriend

He'd had an awful life-father was in prison for abusing a 9 year old (so likely he'd suffered sexual abuse too) and the mother was more bothered about herself,money,her needs and wants-him and his siblings ended up in care (it was the right thing for ss to do)

The mother went skidding off to the papers,crying and sobbing about how she loved her boy but she was 'never seeing him again for all the awful things he'd done to her fella and how she hoped his family would forgive her for giving birth to this monster'

While ignoring everything she'd done (and I saw a lot-if she was like that in public,god only knows what she was like in private)

I felt for his siblings-i knew them when they where small children-id seen the abuse the parents put them through,until ss saw sense and removed them

They are now tarred with the same brush as their killer sibling (no idea of they are in touch with him) but the abuse they've both taken is unreal

They've had their windows broken,people have egged their homes,abuse in the street,abuse on sm,both have been beaten up,they've been forced to move endless times-the list is endless

All because they happened to be born to the same parents as the killer child

There was a tragic teen stabbing locally where the mother of the murderer rang the police immediately she realised what he had done. Most people would feel very sorry for the family unless they were abusive and awful and created a monster.

The gabby petito case was so upsetting, I watched the footage of her with the police officer and I actually cried, which isn't usual for me because I'm a bit of a hard faced cow.

As miserable as this thread is, thanks for sharing stories and views with me x

I do have some sympathy yes, but only in certain situations. If you've provided a good stable upbringing and brought that child up in a loving home and then they just turnout to be a nut job who goes onto murder then yes I feel for the their family, but quite often when you watch any of these programs on killers when they look into their background/upbringing they've had an unstable/unloving home and sometimes even an abusive upbringing. I don't have sympathy for those people obviously not. More often than not you only learn this level of information when documentary programs are made years later. The news merely names them and says where they are from, the sympathy is rightly directed at the victims family, I don't think about the perpetrators family when things are initially reported.

I knew HS and his wife in a professional capacity.
She probably had SN and was extremely vulnerable

I think people like to try and blame the mother/parents because if they can try and other them then they can try and think that their own kids won’t turn out like that.

I have a distant relative who’s a murderer. He had a good upbringing. There was no excuse for what he did, he murdered a former partner and left their son without any parents to bring him up. He had a good upbringing with decent parents. The victims parents and the murderers parents collaborated to give the boy the best upbringing they could too.

a family member knows someone who is the mother of a murderer in a high profile case. She is broken and devastated by what he did. He had a good upbringing and multiple siblings who haven’t turned out the same.

what I don’t know is how I could stick by my child if they did something like this and the evidence was overwhelming. I know there must be an element of disbelief but there comes a point where you have to face facts. Maybe not in the case I believe you are referring to, which seems much more complex.

I remember reading about this. His mother was broken but she knew she had to do the right thing x

I think the film We Need to Talk About Kevin really changed my perspective on this. I always assumed I'd just walk away from any family members who did anything like this but that brought it home that you can't necessarily just drop family members, no matter what they've done

Thank you for being so empathetic, OP. I speak as the relative of a person who was murdered, and as the relative of a murder.

What trial is the OP speaking of? Can someone kindly PM me if you can’t comment on the thread😬

Maybe the nurse?

Is we need to talk about Kevin really good? It's been on my list since it came on Netflix!

@Apricotton I'm so sorry to read that. What a horrible thing to experience both of 💐❤

@ItsBritneyBitchhhh I'll PM now

Pm me too please @Princessfuckingpeach

recently someone I know was sentenced to life for attempted murder. 4 people were charged. The person I know was the only one who had their family in court for the trial. I found that so strange. I have no idea of the reasoning and whether the others were ashamed of their children or just wanting to distance themselves from hearing the details. I think for the person on trial it must feel like betrayal especially when one of the accused has the support of seeing their parents in court every day.

it’s very complex. In my example the family who went to court were convinced their child was innocent. Perhaps this is relevant too. I would have to be there for my child every moment of their need no matter what.

I wouldn’t cover up the crime and like to think I would report it but would remain in the child’s life. I think the ending of the Kevin film was very credible the mum remained loyal despite her son doing the worst thing it is possible to do to someone.

Is we need to talk about Kevin really good? It's been on my list since it came on Netflix!

The book is so much better imo.

@MichaelAndEagle I had no idea it was a book, ty! I'll have a good read of it, I'm probably better with books than films!

I hear you op. I moved from one neighborhood to another completely different one as a kid and made friends with the girl next door immediately, it was great! She was so funny and vibrant but school was a living hell for her, because her biological father had murdered the mum of a girl she was in school with. It was a nightmare situation that affected her terribly for years, she was a little girl and was completely innocent of any wrongdoing.

On the other hand, my cousin murdered a man and is serving a 15 year sentence for it. The lack of empathy from my family for the victim is quite shocking to me. There is literally a "My poor brother in prison, he doesn't deserve that" attitude.

Yes it's a book and I nearly gave up on it but a friend said to persevere so I did. Worth it !

I too would have empathy for the family of murderers but not if they supported a person who committed a heinous crime / crimes.

A man murdered his gorgeous wife, the mother of his 2 young children. He was having an affair. He appeared on tv after the murder with his late wife's mother, the mil though secretly being extremely suspicious of him - she had discovered her beloved daughter's body - he did this on purpose.
Her sister died soon after, probably the stress of it all - she and her mother had worked hard on the murdered mother's behalf.

The scum murderer's family supports him. 🤮

A lot of families support and make excuses for their murderous offspring. Others are broken by it.

I don't think all families of murderers are crushed , some go to court shouting the innocence of some and intimidating the victims or witnesses .

I genuinely feel for good people but some have to bare responsibility for the way their kid turned out .

It does 100% depend on the family. The recent case where a gunman in Liverpool murdered a 9 year little girl and his family behaved awfully at court. That was despicable.

Does anyone remember the incredibly shocking Richard huckle case? His poor, poor, mother and father.
They rang the police to take him away, I think I'd need to in the case of his crimes. I can't imagine how they must have felt. They were so proud of his charity work too.

That was the case that has always made me think more needs to be done for people experiencing inappropriate and sexual feelings towards minors, before they act upon feelings. He was a very sick person, can't say I'm upset he was murdered if I'm honest but I can say I'm upset that his parents endured all the trauma that went along with his crimes and death.

The book of we need to talk about Kevin is so much better than the film.

Does anyone remember the trial for the murder of James Bulger? Venables had his parents there throughout the trial. Thompson's parents didn't show up.

This made everyone in court think that Venables had come from a good family and that it was Thompson who had led him astray. I think we have all seen that Venables is the one who's been in an out of prison ever since.