Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Victims of crime

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. For free advice contact Victim Support.https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Do I report this domestic abuse?

9 replies

User920202 · 03/06/2023 22:51

A friend of mine is in an abusive relationship. She tells me all the awful things her partner says to her and she's shown me audio of her partner saying that he will kill her if she tries to take his daughter away from him. She has also shown me a bruise once. She says he is all talk and "he wouldn't actually hurt me" etc. She's begged me not to say anything as he has said he will get her child taken off her if she tries anything. I'm scared for my friend and I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
tailinthejam · 03/06/2023 22:54

If the child is nursery or school age and you know which one, you could report it to them.

User920202 · 03/06/2023 22:56

The child is currently in a nursery, yes.

OP posts:
Groutyonehereagain · 03/06/2023 22:59

A child living with domestic abuse is considered to be at risk. I suggest you share your concerns with a Childrens’ Safeguarding social worker.

007DoubleOSeven · 03/06/2023 23:03

Assuming the child isn't in danger then it's a tricky one because break her confidence and she may break off your friendship- thus losing the only lifeline she has and make her reluctant to open up to others. OR - she might be secretly thankful you speak up.

This is what I would do: speak to Womens Aid. Do some research, find out everything you can about what will happen, could happen and what choices and options she will have at every step of the process of leaving.

Leaving an abusive relationship is terrifying, more so because its a step into the unknown and uncontrollable, so your role is to do the fact finding for her so you can inform and reassure.

Emphasise her choices and options along the way, she will need to feel that she is in control.

Then be there for her and encourage her to take steps when she is ready and reassure her that it's ok to not be ready, to have doubts, to be frightened, to feel guilty.

Both women's aid and refuge have brilliant advice online.

You can help her put together an escape plan, give her a secret phone...you could be a point of contact for services which are there to help her. There's lots you can do and lots of info you can find.

Keep being reassuring and gentle encouragement, emphasise her choice to stop the process at anytime. And if she names a worry - find out about the reality on her behalf.

Spottedsox · 03/06/2023 23:12

Ask her for she needs you to support her to seek help.
If not ask her would it be OK to do it on her behalf.

jannier · 03/06/2023 23:39

Id be supporting her to find help to leave .....her children are being abused by living in that environment which will only get worse. You can do an anonymous referral to social services or contact the nspcc.

FatGirlSwim · 03/06/2023 23:41

I had this exact dilemma. I didn’t report, but talked to my friend about it and she cut all contact with me. I just hope she leaves one day.

FatGirlSwim · 03/06/2023 23:41

Tried everything to get her help to leave.

Zoeywelly · 23/07/2023 22:49

Spottedsox · 03/06/2023 23:12

Ask her for she needs you to support her to seek help.
If not ask her would it be OK to do it on her behalf.

I think this is the best course of action- we only see what we want to see. Hopefully she will have an awakening or the eureka moment. If you report it anyway you could make it more dangerous for both mother and child. Just keep offering your support and let her know you are ALWAYS there for her. And if she needs a safety plan or to store suitcase/s with things at your house then that would be a good thing too. Also if she registers txt the police when she can’t talk- text REGISTER to 999 on her mobile, and you get a txt back- then you REPLY YES and O.N.L.Y. then you are registered

New posts on this thread. Refresh page