Need advice !!

[EmmaL96]

Hiya I need someone advice if anyone has been in this situation before , I would appreciate no judgment please i do already know I was wrong and iv been an anxious mess ever since I know it’s long but please any advice would be great

I’m 26 years old with a little girl me and my ex split up September of 2021 we had a good relationship no arguments or anything and I made a big sacrifice for him and moved to a different area into a new house to suit him for his job any he broke up with me one day completely out of the blue I was devasted had to leave the house and move back in with my mum

2 month later he came back saying he was sorry and that he still loved me we started talking again for 7 weeks and he asked me over to his house and we spent the weekend together that was December of 2021 I came home and everything was fine for a week after that and then he just randomly ignored me for 5 days and when he finally replied he told me to fuck off and move on no explanation nothing

I then went back up to his house on the 29th of January 2022 to get the rest of my things I still had tvs and my daughters bike and scooters etc I then came home and 2 days later he unblocked me and we started talking again for 6 month right up until the end of July 2022 the reason I entertained him was because I was still in love with him and I wasn’t over him

in the 6 month that we spoke he would phone and text me constant and send me old videos of me and him and him and my daughter so I then beileve that he regretted breaking up with me and in my delusional head thought we would get back together at the middle of July 2022 he asked me over to his house so I went over and spent 4 days with him and then came home again everything was fine for a week after that then the following week he randomly ignored me for 3 days then when he replied he told me to move on by this point I had had enough and gave him his character I was so hurt and heartbroken and couldn’t beileve he was doing this to me again he didn’t say anything no explanation nothing all he had to say was “goodbye” and then blocked me

then in September and October last year we briefly spoke again but October was the last time I heard from him , then in November his friend messaged me and told me that 3 weeks before he split up with me he cheated on me with his ex and slept with her in the back of his work van he told me he was working late that night me and his mum ended up phoning the police because we thought something bad had happend to him because he didn’t get back untill really late but yeah that’s what he was really doing was cheating on me and the friend said the reason she knew this is because 3 weeks after me and him split up he went up to visit her and her husband and was bragging about cheating on me and laughing about how worried I was that night

I also found out that last year for the whole 6 month that he came back into my life he was also seeing another woman and then in November 2022 I found out he had a new girlfriend now because I was so heartbroken and hurt and angry and felt betrayed I let my emotions get the better of me and I started messaging him and messaged his new girlfriend I didn’t say anything nasty to her or make any threats but I will admit for the past few months iv been contacting him on different fb account expressing my anger and hurt towards him but I just wanted him to understand how much he hurt me and broke my heart anyway he contacted the police and said I was harassing him they have told me not to contact him again but said they are investigating it

I know what iv done is wrong and I should of had more self control and not behaved in that way or contacted him but I’m now really worried that im going to get charged for harassment im scared and don’t know what to do will the police even slightly put my side of things into consideration that I acted out of heartbreak

iv got a little girl and I just feel so guilty for putting myself in this situation over a man that isn’t worth it and I could potentially ruin my life over this

[Greensleevevssnotnose]

What's the crime?

[EmmaL96]

Harassment and stalking I’m being investigated for

[Summer2424]

Hi @EmmaL96 sorry you've been through this with this guy, you deserve so much better x
I honestly think the police won't take it any further, you'll just get told don't do it again. The police have far worse things to deal with.
Sending you lots of positive vibes x

[EmmaL96]

Thank you so much I’m really hoping I don’t get into bother and it works out out x

[Felix125]

How many messages did you send him and did he make any replies to them?
Also, the same question with regards the messages you sent to his new partner?

[EmmaL96]

I only sent his girlfriend 4 in total the first 2 she replied to I wasn’t nasty to her or anything I was just warning her to be carefull as he cheated on me and might cheat on her , iv sent him probably 4 or 5 messages a month for the past 4 months 😬

havnt stopped worrying about it I don’t know if I explain that I was heartbroken and acted out of hurt if that would even matter

[EmmaL96]

He replied to one last October and then ignored everyone iv sent since then

[Justcallmebebes]

Honestly, 4 or 5 messages a month via Facebook is nothing to worry about. You may just get a call from the police to say he doesn't want contact with you, so stop messaging. You almost certainly won't get charged on the information you provided.

He's a prick. Let him go and go live your best life. You're way too good for him

[pinkySilver]

Do you have an older, more experienced friend or family member who could support you through this and give you some sensible help. You sound very alone - which leaves you vulnerable. You haven't done anything wrong that I can see but I understand your panic.

You are better off without him - and so is your little girl. Get yourself into an environment where you are with good people who you can bounce things off.
And don't worry OP - but steer clear of the ex. (And possibly all men for a while)

[Felix125]

If he & she have replied to your messages, then its more of a conversation via text messages than harassment.

They only other offence than can be considered would be mal comms - but for that you would need to have sent a threat or grossly offensive message of some sort.

Under NCRS (national crime recording standards) rules, they may record it as a crime but to prove the offence, the messages have to be harassing in nature - and i don't think 4-5 messages (when they have also replied to them) can be seen as harassing in nature.

I agree with the above - you may just be told not to have any more contact with him & her

[EmmaL96]

So he replied to one last October but every other one iv sent since then he hasn’t replied , his girlfriend replied to the first 2 and then the last 2 I sent she didn’t

iv sent 4 or 5 messages each month to him so do you think They would see that as a lot or they won’t a mean I haven’t been messaging him 20 times a day or anything like I did send a few messages to him calling him “a cheating prick” and there was another one were I told him I had found out he cheated on me but every other one after that has been me just exspressing my heartbreak to him

but I don’t know how the police work or the courts I don’t know if they would take into consideration that I acted out of hurt because of how he treated me

[Felix125]

There is a stated case that the courts & CPS should be aware of incidents that are harassing as opposed to ones which are just annoying - and i think 4-5 messages a month would possibly drop into the 'annoying' category.

The harassment law also states that "...you peruse a purse of conduct which you know or ought to know is harassing..."

So i would suggest that by giving you a warning on this occasion, you now know that it is harassing - so if you continue you after this it would prove the harassment should you send them more messages.

So i think it would be seen as you 'venting' rather than 'harassing' and i think the OIC would see them same thing - as you say, you're not sending him 20 messages a day and he has replied on a few of them. I wouldn't worry

I take it his current partner hasn't made a complaint

[MarchMadness23]

It'll be fine, don't worry. Just don't contact either of them again, no matter what.

now is time to focus on your daughter & making a good life for you both! I know it's hard, but he's not worthy of you 🌷

[Napmum]

Did he ever tell you to stop messaging him? It is a long time to continue to message but not that frequent. So, especially if he never said to stop contacting him (after you started the Facebook messaging), then you're probably alright. Especially as he has previously been very push pull (blocking you telling you to fuck off then inviting you to stay for 4 days later on).

If you were pouring out your past hurt but not threatening, then it is likely that someone will decide it is not in the publics interest to pursue a conviction. But nothing is guaranteed. Definitely get legal advice if you can afford it. If you go to court, you'll be offered legal counsel take it.

And if you didn't monitor where he was, it isn't really stalking.

[EmmaL96]

Yeah he never once replied and told me to stop messaging him he just kept ignoring the message and then blocking me

the last message he sent me was the 1rst of october 2022 and that was a flirty message then he didn’t message me at all after that then 4 weeks later he blocked me

[EmmaL96]

Thank you everyone for for taking the time to reply to me ,I’m hoping it is just a warning iv just worried myself because the police said they were investigating it
and because iv I don’t know exactly word for word what he’s said to the police

and because I have a little girl I would never forgive myself if I get charged for this because she’s my world and id feel terrible for putting myself in a situation like this that could effect my daughter

[jenny38]

Do not contact him, or anyone connected to him, ever again. Hopefully your previous messages included no threats and no further action will be taken. Try not to worry, it really is at the lower end of the scale. I would have a good think about what you actually want out of any future relationships, and walk away from anyone who doesn't treat you in the wsy you would want your own daughter to be treated.