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Victims of crime

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Original poster

My ex is driving my son whilst disqualified

24 replies

Hertfordshiremum93 · 21/08/2022 20:35

I’ve never written one of these before, usually I’m the one doing the reading but I am desperate for advice.

I broke up with my ex 6 months on my terms. He moved out. He has our son every other weekend. He has lost his driving license and has been put on a 6 month ban.

I know he is still driving and I told him how much I disagreed with it and tried to get through to him how illegal it is and that he could go to prison etc. his argument is if he doesn’t work then he won’t be able to afford the bills so he will be homeless (already in debt up to his eyeballs)

He promised me he wouldn’t drive our son and I agreed that I would drive my boy to and from his when it’s his weekend. Today I caught him out and he has been driving with him in the car, I am mortified.

he has a problem with compulsive lieing so this didn’t come as a complete shock.

What do I do now? The only way I can control this is by stopping him seeing him right? I never wanted to be that woman but my sons safety will ALWAYS come first.

OP posts:
cantthinkofabetterusername · 21/08/2022 20:36

Report him

dalmatianmad · 21/08/2022 20:40

That's a tough one , presumably he got banned for being an unsafe driver/ drink driver?

I wouldn't be impressed if he was driving my child around. You're already taking your ds to and from his dad's. It's a kick in the teeth that he drives with him in the car. Is he a good Dad otherwise? Would this be enough for you to stop him having ds? Only you know the details....

Starlightunicorn · 21/08/2022 20:58

I had to stop my kids seeing their dad for a few months while something got sorted out and he was basically being a dickhead and a bully, this was enforced by my GP and Solicitor so I had little choice in the matter once it all went too far so be aware that if you report him you may have to deal with the consequences but child safeguarding is imperative

Original poster
Hertfordshiremum93 · 21/08/2022 21:38

He is banned for too many points.

He is a great Dad in some ways, my child absolutely adores him but he’s not a great dad in the respect that he hasn’t treated me very well and not looked after us financially etc.

His family aren’t very supportive at all so if he was to lose his house I don’t actually know what would happen to him. But sadly it is all his own doing :-(

OP posts:
dribblewibble · 21/08/2022 21:44

Report him to the police.

Keepingupappearance · 21/08/2022 21:46

Insurance would be invalid too

you poor thing!

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 21/08/2022 21:47

I reported my exh for drink driving.. No regrets.
Protect your dc op.
Ring them tonight.

Original poster
Hertfordshiremum93 · 21/08/2022 22:49

I feel if I report him he could go to prison and Im not sure I could deal with that guilt I already suffer badly with anxiety.

He has rubbish family, no friends, he’s in debt, he would lose the place where he lives. How could I possibly put him in prison on top of all that?

Ideally I just need to keep my son well away from the driving, but that’s going to be impossible unless it’s supervised visits I guess!

OP posts:
Hopeandlove · 21/08/2022 22:52

Report him - if he is banned he is banned for a reason
he kills someone next and insurance in invalid - this isn’t minor this is serious

you have warned him and he lies tell the police he has been driving your son too despite tellIng you he wouldn’t
give them the license plate and keep your son away

hipefully they throw the book at him

averageavocado · 21/08/2022 22:52

Not your guilt

You're not breaking the law

MondayMoan · 21/08/2022 22:55

I'd report to the police. They'll keep an eye out. If you give specific details of when and where he can be caught in the act that will make it easier for them to catch him

NeverEnoughCake2 · 21/08/2022 22:55

"Too many points" = repeatedly caught driving unsafely.

He is an adult, which means he's responsible for the consequences of his actions. That includes the consequences of driving while disqualified. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. If you reported him via Crimestoppers, he wouldn't be able to find out it was you.

Safeguard your son, now. If your ex has an accident with your son in the car, and your son's seriously injured or paralysed, there won't be any insurance to pay for your son's rehab.

stillvicarinatutu · 21/08/2022 22:58

Hertfordshiremum93 · 21/08/2022 22:49

I feel if I report him he could go to prison and Im not sure I could deal with that guilt I already suffer badly with anxiety.

He has rubbish family, no friends, he’s in debt, he would lose the place where he lives. How could I possibly put him in prison on top of all that?

Ideally I just need to keep my son well away from the driving, but that’s going to be impossible unless it’s supervised visits I guess!

He would very unlikely get a custodial sentence for disqualified driving op . But to be banned on points is no mean feat - that's a lot of speeding tickets . Do you know speeding is the biggest cause of deaths on the road ? Do you really want your son in that car with him ? If he's a disco driver he won't be insured either . I'd think very carefully about your next move . If you did report him it would only go in as intel. Police might stop him - with or without your report. If a traffic car clicks him he'll get stopped cos anpr will flag up a disqualification. I'd not let him drive my child around that's for sure .

Seafretfreda · 21/08/2022 22:59

Report him! You’re actively choosing not to safeguard your son by not reporting it. He’s the one doing wrong - no idea why you’d feel guilty!

IAmAWomanNotACis · 21/08/2022 23:00

How guilty would you feel if he had an accident and hurt other people? Possibly your son?

Report him. And take full control of your son's visitations with him, by whatever means necessary. YWBU to stop your son from seeing him, but YWNBU to say supervised visits only since he has proven that he is not going to behave with the safety of your son as his priority.

BadGranny · 21/08/2022 23:05

I’d tell him that if he wants to risk everything that goes with driving while disqualified and driving while uninsured, that’s his choice. But if he ever, ever does it while your child is in the car again, you will report him to the police immediately.

StarDolphins · 21/08/2022 23:06

I actually would t report him to the police(unless he’s been done for drunk driving)!I don’t think it’s in the best interest of your DS for him to lose his house or go to prison.

I would tell him this is 100% unacceptable so for the next 6 months until he’s got his lic back, he can have visits to see his son, near your house only & only if he can prove he’s got there using public transport or someone has given him a lift. But at no point can he take your son for the weekend.

there’s no way I would let my child in a vehicle with a disqualified driver.

hotdiggetydog · 21/08/2022 23:11

cantthinkofabetterusername · 21/08/2022 20:36

Report him

Bad bad grass

averageavocado · 22/08/2022 08:13

hotdiggetydog · 21/08/2022 23:11

Bad bad grass

Show quote history

Isn't it past your bedtime??

BigSidLittleSid · 22/08/2022 08:19

The thing is, he would have had his opportunity to discuss the effect a driving ban would have on him when it went to court. The magistrates or whoever obviously decided that it wasn't a good enough reason not to disqualify him. So I would be livid he was driving my child around!

Starlightunicorn · 22/08/2022 09:39

I am still being bad mouthed by my ex and his family/wife and partly to do with me having to refuse contact for safeguarding, my anxiety is at an all time high right now and this all happened 20 years ago!

if he's not a dangerous driver and lost his licence via points only then I'd be thinking twice about 'grassing' on him, let him hang himself because they will catch him, all police cars have vehicle licence and registration detection on them, all he has to do is pass one of them.

Takeitonthechin · 22/08/2022 09:56

Doesn't this mean he will be driving without insurance, hope he doesn't have an accident

BlueBunny23 · 13/09/2022 13:47

I guess the car he’s driving is full insured or else it would flag up immediately every time he drove past an anpr! And there is many unmarked ones about I drove past someone the other day stopped by one he was emptying his car and the unmarked car was behind him with his lights on. I checked the number plate it was uninsured. Millions of people do it if they can use an insured car. My ex did it, used his girlfriends car. He never got caught he was banned for 3 years he had a DD40. It’s been 5 years since he ban ended and still nobody ever found out. He continued his job and kept money coming in. Kept a roof over his head and paid for his family. It’s very rare to get a custodial sentence for breaching a driving ban.

ivykaty44 · 05/08/2023 08:01

If you have the car make model and registration, then give this to the police with his likely movements and routes

protect your son and many others - there is a reason he’s banned from driving

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