Idkxoxo
So I’m not sure where to start
When I was 15 I met this guy who was 25 years old. He became my “boyfriend” (I had one previous boyfriend before) he was friendly, lovely and would constantly be offering me drink. I was still quite innocent even though I had lost my virginity already I didn’t really know or want to have sex but he convinced me it was okay and that’s what people do when they love eachother 🙃 any way he ended up ended it and I found out he was actually in a relationship with someone his age all along and I was a secret. (for me it was devastating but I didn’t know it was wrong so it was a blessing in disguise) years go on, I have 2 children, who I adore but I can never hold down a relationship, I don’t know why. I just get angry(to myself) very quickly, bottle things up and can never talk seriously about my feelings, I just can’t. My mum did make me go to the police when she found out about it, CPS couldn’t press charges because there was lack of evidence (I had a new phone, a year had past and I had deleted and blocked everything to do with him) even though I know exactly the lay out of his room, I know about his tattoo on his leg and even the fact he had already done this previously to 4 other underaged girls. Two of which was rape (one count was mine, got me so drunk I didn’t remember what happened) and second was completely conscious un consented so it was rape. Most girls dropped their statements and I was told “I wasn’t a good whiteness because of my life style” (I was very young with a chaotic childhood I was a young carer for my suicidal mum and autistic brother) and I just haven’t got over any of it. There’s never a day I don’t think about it and get angry at the whole thing.
What could I do to forget it or move on? It’s been years and I can’t seem to just let go. It’s emotionally exhausting