Suspected abuser parent at school

[Starbuck8419]

Sorry for the attention grabbing headline but I wasn’t sure where to put this discussion or what to call this situation.

Apologies as this is a bit long winded.

My DD started primary school in September and as part of her integration, last summer all the kids in the new class went in for an hour or so over the course of a month.

Anyway, while I was waiting I got chatting to the other parents, in particular a dad. The more I talked to him the more I had a sense of I’d met him before but didn’t know where at all.

Over the course of the month I couldn’t shake that feeling and in the end I told him that I felt like we’d met before.

I don’t know why, but all of a sudden I had a spark of who he might be so I asked some lighthearted probing questions to see.
Had he lived in a certain town?
Did he used to date a certain girl (who was my friend at the time?)
Did he used to have a certain colour car?

All of which he confirmed he had. I then asked if he’d had another kid to which he again said yes and it confirmed to me how I knew him and who he was.
He must of realised what I was getting at as he went very pale, quiet and looked like a deer in the headlights.

This man had dated and lived with my friend for a couple of years and prior to their involvement, had been in prison due to hurting his toddler daughter and when he was investigated, he had pictures of underage girls on his laptop.

Now, here’s the thing. This was in the early 2000s so part of my memory is a bit hazy but I would bet all the tea in China I remember his conviction correctly and it’s without a shadow of a doubt him. I remember his conviction because as soon as she told me I a) felt incredibly ill as I’d been hanging around with him occasionally and 2) I distanced myself from her immediately as I couldn’t reconcile the fact she was ok with what he had done.

After speaking with my husband (who’s a secondary school teacher) and my MIL who’s a head of a primary school they both told me to say something to the head of my daughters school.

Which I did and I made it very clear that I couldn’t 100% give specifics but I felt it was worth investigating. He told me he couldn’t do anything as I might have a vendetta against him (true but until induction isn’t not seen this man since about 2001) and the police wouldn’t give him any info.

Now I’m not entirely sure he’s right. Surely if a school goes to the police and says they have had a report on someone with a possible history, don’t they have an obligation to check it out?
Since then the head has done nothing to my knowledge.

I’ve kept this to my family because I don’t want to start a witch hunt over something I may possibly be slightly fuzzy on (although I’m sure I’m not) but equally I don’t want kids in danger.
My friends son is having play dates with this guys kid.

As a parent I’d like to know but I’m worried in the wrong hands this will turn into something I don’t want it to be...like I said, I don’t want it to turn into a witch hunt all round the school.

What do you expect the school to do ? Ban him from premises ?

If you checked the background of every parent at that school you will probably find a few more convicted sexual offenders.

Can you get a accidental shot of him on your phone and see the police in person, explaining all leaving them a printed out copy. Then just leave them do their job.

@Needmorecaffine sex offenders are often subject to prohibition orders, presumably the OP is thinking along these lines.

What do you expect the school to do ? Ban him from premises ?

Well, yes, potentially. Harming a small child so badly that he received a prison sentence, and having CSA images. Clear safeguarding issue, surely.

If you checked the background of every parent at that school you will probably find a few more convicted sexual offenders.

Really? Convicted child sex offenders? You must move in some pretty unpleasant circles of you think it's normal.

If he was convicted back in 2000 if he had a SHPO or the equivalent of then no doubt it would be expired.

If he still had one and was still on sex offenders register then there is a possibility that children social care have assessed at some point the risk around his children.

If he is a risk to children then unlikely that he oils be having unsupervised contact with his own children let along others.

If still under the eye of the authorities because of risk he poses and the fact he has his own children Who they would know attend that school if authorities considered a risk then they may disclose to school or warn him not to be there.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan sadly I have contacted with this type of person and it's not old blokes in dirty macks.

Some of those I have come into contact with have been from respectful backgrounds and employment with children of their own. You would be surprised!

You could submit an application to the Police for a Clares law disclosure, however you wouldn't receive the disclosure - they will only disclose information to relevant people where it may prevent harm such as his current partner, mother of this new child etc. I don't know if they will disclose to the school.

www.gov.uk/government/news/clares-law-to-become-a-national-scheme

Your police force will have their own link on their website.

If nothing else, if he's changed his name, has hidden info from his new partner etc, or might do some good elsewhere.

People slip through the net. People dont disclose their history to new partners. Those new partners may not therefore know that their child is at risk of serious harm. Or they do know but ignore it.

I would personally make a call to the nspcc or social care explaining who he is and that he is now in a relationship with the child mother. If they are already aware no harm done. If they're not he will be on their radar and investigations can be undertaken.

Goes without saying do not allow your child to go to the house for a play date.

There will be a police team in your area whose sole job it is to keep an eye on local registered sex offenders. Call them and tell them your concerns. If he's registered, they'll make a decision about whether it's appropriate to visit him/your friend. The school can't do anything about this.

OP contact the police yourself with the information you have and where he was (at a school) and that he has children visiting his home and you want them to be aware of this incase there are any restrictions on him as a result of his conviction. The police will then do whatever they need to do.

Thank you everyone. Your input has been invaluable and being able to just talk to people who aren’t involved and get their opinion has been worthwhile. Needmorecaffine.... grow up.

You can refer your concerns to children's services via a MASH referral, they will then decide if a disclosure needs to be made. A disclosure will only be made to the partner of this man and if the children are older it would also be made to them. Children's services would assess the protective factor in the child's life and decide from that and whether the partner knows about the conviction what if any other action should be taken. Children's services can also decide to contact the children's school. You can also ask advice from the local authority designated officer who looks into safeguarding in schools

@Needmorecaffine
I've known parents to be banned from school premises just because of the custody orders with their children (stuff like specifying they can't see their specific children outside of visitation etc.), not because they were arrested for having CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. I should think that, yes, if this man was convicted for harming a child and being in possession of CP (only a pedo would have CP), then yes, he should not be allowed at the school/should be closely monitored!

It's not referred to as child pornography. It's. CHILD ABUSE.

Its children's services you need to tell

If you know his name you could also tell the sex offender unit at the police. You can report intelligence not just crimes. If he is subject to a SHPO often they are for life and the police can check this.
Personally if you are worried and you pass this info to childrens services and the police I think you can know you have done all you can.
I would have thought the school would have at least made checks with childrens services off the back of what you said.
Each local authority has a safeguarding hub to provide basic Information to agencies like schools. This will be if they have ever been known to them and in relation to which risk category.
It may be that the checks have been done and he isnt thought to be at risk????. But if they havnt they need to be.

Just deviating slightly, not taking sides or anything but I'm genuinely confused why need more caffeine was told to "grow up".

I genuinely don't think they were being antagonistic. Sounds more like they work in a police/social services settings and they're answers, whilst it might not be want you want to hear, is probably very realistic. I work within that sort of 'industry' and a lot of what she's said is right. You'd honestly be surprised where you find paedophiles, they do love amongst us and you'd never know, sad as it may be.
You could always report it to police or even anonymously on crime stoppers and they'd feed it through To police for review.

@starbuck8419 did you get anywhere with this

I disagree entirely. The first response being “what do you expect the school to do?” Etc was deliberately being antagonistic. It didn’t actually contain any informative information at all unlike the subsequent posts. If he/she doesn’t know then surely you keep your mouth shut and to answer her question, if he’s a danger to children which he is, I do feel he should be banned and I’m very surprised the head didn’t take it even remotely seriously.

Anyway, that being said, I’m not surprised by what you say at all. I’m just very surprised in the heads reaction tis all.

Hi, sadly I didn’t get any further information on this but I didn’t expect I would as it’s not place for him to come back to with an update.

To my knowledge (which is very little) he hasn’t made any enquiries.

I brought this up with another mum who I’ve become quite friendly with (purely because her son was having a play date at their house) and felt she should be aware. We both referred to google and I showed her the news article stipulating his sentencing etc.

What about child line. They'll be an independent voice with intelligence.
It's not child line I'm thinking of but I'm not well so the fog is here

forrestgreen NSPCC?

Thankyou!!