Brother going to prison - coping?

[topflower123]

Hello all,

Just wanting some advice/opinions on here - I am a young adult whose brother has recently been charged with an extremely serious crime that I am finding it hard to come to terms with (I am not sure if stating the crime on here is the right thing to do). It is possibly the most heinous crime that could be committed against another person and he is looking at 20+ years.

He has two children for which I now have legal responsibility for - I am only 23 at the moment and studying at university but will be able to see them although they will live in care or with foster carers full time. I will still have all the rights of a guardian though.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation or could offer any advice on how to cope? Sometimes I think I am coping and then will suddenly burst into tears but I think this is more to do with the stress of not sleeping/eating properly etc

Thanks to anyone who has read this :) hope to hear from some of you

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds incredibly tough for you. What is it exactly you are struggling to cope with? The crime? The thought of your brother in prison? The future of the children? Where is their mum in all of this? Xx

That all sounds very challenging and without meaning to sound patronising you're quite young to be faced with so much responsibility. I can't imagine what you're going through.

Are there other family members around to support you?

Mainly just getting by on a day to day basis - sometimes I'm fine, other times I burst into tears for no particular reason (this has happened at uni which was quite embarrassing).

Just for context, I grew up in care so I am used to having to deal with difficulties but I just can't seem to stop thinking about this. I havent told any friends here as I just wouldnt even know how to begin

I'm so sorry, OP. That sounds very tough. How are the children coping?

Please be kind to yourself. You did not ask for any of this to happen, so it's not surprising that you're struggling to cope. Are your parents around? Do you have other sources of support?

I do have a twin sister nearby but I've always been the one to take more of the responsibility for us if that makes sense?

She finds this a lot more emotionally challenging than I do so I've always supported her as best as i can - growing up was also much tougher for her so I understand why its more difficult for her now.

Not patronising at all btw :)

I think it’s normal to have crying spread unexpectedly, this is a lot to deal with. Can you access some counselling at your uni? It may help to be able to talk about it and it may help feel able to open up to some friends in the future.

X post. You must be feeling very alone.

I think you should consider sharing your situation with a friend, so that you can get some real life support. Remember, you are not responsible for the actions of your brother, and you will not be judged on the basis of what he has done.

This is too much to cope with by yourself.

*spells

I think counselling would help to be honest, so i will look into it asap.

In terms of speaking to friends, its hard because I have really great friends but its just not something i feel comfortable talking about just yet. I also think with counselling i have that safety net of everything being confidential whereas a friend (without meaning to) could say something to someone else etc.

Fair enough, OP, you need to do whatever you feel comfortable with. I hope that you're able to access some good quality counselling very soon. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

thank you @Alexashutup, appreciate it :)

Its a horrible shock when something like this happens.

I agree that counselling could help you. I would also ask if it can be provided to the children, in am age appropriate way. It sounds like there's a long road ahead, with some important decisions to be made along the way, to help you and also his children process what he's done.

Take advice wherever you can and take time to give yourself some space.