Coke addict ex advice child contact needed

[Rubyred76]

I have an ex partner who is seriously addicted to coke and I am struggling to deal with his personality change. We have to converse in order to arrange childcare.
I have evidence ( and my son told me) that he took the kids to pick up drugs from a city a 1.5 hour round trip away ( when he told me he was just taking them to local Mac Donald’s) Due to my alarm that he has involved the kids in a pick up I have told him he can still see he kids but to have supervised contact ( family members) and no driving. He has denied my accusation and gone ballistic- blaming me for accusing him of things he hadn't done- yet he has been lying to us all for months and I don't know when to believe him or not. He is appalled at the idea of supervised contact- but I don’t know what else to do re the kids. I'm recovering from a serious operation- so supervised contact is an absolute drain on me and my family but I don't know what to put in place here. What would you do? Any advice! I want to do the right thing.
Thanks

If there is no court order in place you could take the risk of stopping contact and making him apply to court. It is a risk because it could be seen as you denying contact for the wrong reasons. Unless he has been charged with anything drug related your evidence won't stand up.

Who ate you proposing would supervise and where? It's not clear from your post.

How old are DC?

Hello
Children are 3 and 6. I'm happy for him to see them, I've just been freaked out by this latest escapade and wanted to set some boundaries but couldn't think what else to do. Supervised would be by my and his family members. Needless to say he's horrified! But I also wanted to stipulate regular times for him seeing them within this, as he just chops and changes and has no real responsibility, if he decides he's 'going out' last minute he's going out regardless of my plans. It's the driving with drugs in the car taking kids with him that has scared me. What else is he capable of? Must have been very desperate to get them. It's certainly not a fun activity for the kids being stuck in a car for 2 hours while he makes the trek to the dealer. I am willing to negotiate, for example not drive anywhere far unless he tells me, or just see them on his own at my house but he refuses to have a discussion. His personality his extremely difficult to reason with. He used to be a lovely caring person who put kids first, sadly this has changed.

From a legal perspective you do have a right to stipulate contact at regular, scheduled times and not outside this as that is what is best for the children. Unfortunately you don't have a right to dictate what he does with the children during his time with them. It's a given he shouldn't be doing anything illegal, of course but a court wouldn't let you say he's not to drive them anywhere far etc.

I have experience of dealing with an unreasonable ex and also of the family courts. If he's unreasonable you are probably best not trying to reason with him and to take it to court so that you have an order he needs to comply with. They probably wouldn't stipulate supervised contact without evidence of potential harm. It may be possible to insist on a drug test if it goes to court but you really need legal advice. Can you afford it?

If not, best to post in Legal Matters where there are solicitors who will be able to advise you better than I can.

My Daughters father has the same problem with cocaine and alcohol at the weekends. He only has supervised contact with our daughter and she's now 3. I did agree that if he wanted unsupervised we should take it to a court and get some regular drug and alcohol tests in place but he didn't want this as his habits are more important. I've been criticised a lot from his family for not allowing him freedom with our daughter and accused of not wanting him to be a father but if he wanted to be a father he'd get some help and just focus on our daughter. Aslong as you can prove you're safeguarding your daughter and making decisions in her best interests then you'll be fine. As mothers I believe we know what's best and only want to protect our children from potential harm.