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Victims of crime

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13 year old with 19 year old bf abusive...?!?!

6 replies

SafariMum · 12/10/2018 09:37

I am posting on behalf of a friend.
When she was 13 she was pursued and bought gifts by a 19 year old, who was then 20 whilst she was still 13. He started to become physically affectionate towards her, and told her he was her boyfriend. He went on to do sexual things with her, to which she could not consent. Her family did not know about him and he would meet her in secret at community gatherings. She told friends at school that she had a bf and bf had told her to tell people she had a bf. After a year or so, and after a particularly bad experience with him she distanced and avoided him at all costs. He began stalking her turning up outside her school etc. She did not at the time tell anyone this, and was terrified of this man, also came to realise it is not normal for a man of that age to be interested in a 13 year old.

She reported this 17 years later. She has gone through a long investigation with the police/cps who have said they won't be taking it any further, because in school records they found that she had describe him as a bf so documented that she had an adult bf, which implied consent, and she did not state at the time anything sexual had happened. Obvs she is distraught, feels totally blamed, and let down.

I can't understand how the police can say that, apparently she was told its not against the law for a man to be in love with a child but it is if he was to do anything sexually, but as there is no recorded evidence from the time about sexual activity they won't do anything.

Any thoughts?
Thank you

OP posts:
MammaCee25 · 18/10/2018 09:31

I thought this was illegal? Isnt he classed as a paedophile?
Having sex with a minor, rape ect... so has he been question by police?

Moreisnnogedag · 18/10/2018 09:43

I’d imagine that it is less to do with what is legal or not, but what is provable. In cases such as this, I’d imagine the CPS have to decide if there is enough evidence to prove a non-consensual relationship and sadly, in your friend’s case they do not. If, for example, she kept diaries saying what was going on and that she hated it, then they could proceed - they need something to show a jury so that they convict. At the moment, it would be a matter of trying to convince a jury that that it was reasonable to convict a man 17 years later based on a single voice.

They aren’t saying your friend is lying or that she invited it, but just that they don’t think that a court case will likely end in a conviction. Does she have a victim liaison officer to chat with to further understand their decision?

simonamprodan · 21/12/2018 20:45

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PulyaSochsup · 03/12/2019 20:40

This happened to someone I went to school with. I still find it sad now, the relationship ended badly for her too 🙁. Hope your friend gets some decent support.

toothfairy73 · 15/02/2020 18:50

I really recommend she call this helpline to talk this through

13 year old with 19 year old bf abusive...?!?!
cabbageking · 19/02/2020 01:29

There is no evidence to proceed.

It is her word v his. Doesn't mean they don't believe her.

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