Hi mums, I’m going through a hard time at the moment and I’d appreciate if people could share their thoughts - I’m unsure if I was was sexually assaulted / raped and have been sick with worry at the thought of what could have happened to me.
Last Friday, I went drinking with work colleagues. We started drinking around 4pm, as we were celebrating one of my colleagues retirement. I did consume a lot of alcohol, ate some food in between but at 11pm, I decided I had enough to drink and made my way to the station. It took me ten minutes to get to the station (according to the location services on my iPhone) which is what it would normally take. From that point on, the events of rest of the evening become a hazy.
I can’t remember the train journey but I do remember coming around in a station four stops passed mine. I was with a strange man and he had his arm around my waist. I recall being disorientated and confused as to who this person was and how I had come into contact with him. I vaguely remember asking a station attendant to let me through the barriers to the toilet. This man tried to follow in and at that point, I think I told him off for following me in there. I remember entering the cubicle alone and there being other women in there. When I got out of the toilets, he was still there waiting for me. I then vaguely remember walking to my platform and boarding my train. My location service said I spent 20 mins at that station, which seems about right walking to different platforms and going to the toilet.
The man boarded the same train but sat away from me. I think I informed another passenger that he was following me began to worry at that point. I regained clear consciousness at that point and phoned my partner and told him what had happened. I stayed on the phone to him for the journey. Two stops before mine, the strange man walked way and beckoned for me to get off at the stop with him. I remember declining angrily and scowling at him.
My boyfriend said I was calm when he met me at my stop, around 12:30am. He said I didn’t show any signs of physical struggle and seemed ok. My clothes were in tact and had my handbag, underwear on etc. Surely if something had happened I would have recalled or there would have been evidence? Or been very upset? I just fear what could have happened during those grey/blackout moments? I mean, it would be highly unlikely that I would have been attacked whilst on the train or as I walked through the station (which was busy enough from what I remember).
I can’t tell if this man was genuinely helping me or trying to assault me? I phoned friends after I got home to tell them what had happened - never mentioned being assaulted to them?
Thoughts? Opinions? I feel awful and can’t help but to think the worst...
Thanks,
P.s. I will never, ever use public transport alone and intoxicated again! Please don’t lecture me, I’m quite fragile as you can imagine.