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Victims of crime

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Possible rape? Could it have happened or am I being irrational?

14 replies

Fol123 · 18/07/2018 07:36

Hi mums, I’m going through a hard time at the moment and I’d appreciate if people could share their thoughts - I’m unsure if I was was sexually assaulted / raped and have been sick with worry at the thought of what could have happened to me.

Last Friday, I went drinking with work colleagues. We started drinking around 4pm, as we were celebrating one of my colleagues retirement. I did consume a lot of alcohol, ate some food in between but at 11pm, I decided I had enough to drink and made my way to the station. It took me ten minutes to get to the station (according to the location services on my iPhone) which is what it would normally take. From that point on, the events of rest of the evening become a hazy.

I can’t remember the train journey but I do remember coming around in a station four stops passed mine. I was with a strange man and he had his arm around my waist. I recall being disorientated and confused as to who this person was and how I had come into contact with him. I vaguely remember asking a station attendant to let me through the barriers to the toilet. This man tried to follow in and at that point, I think I told him off for following me in there. I remember entering the cubicle alone and there being other women in there. When I got out of the toilets, he was still there waiting for me. I then vaguely remember walking to my platform and boarding my train. My location service said I spent 20 mins at that station, which seems about right walking to different platforms and going to the toilet.

The man boarded the same train but sat away from me. I think I informed another passenger that he was following me began to worry at that point. I regained clear consciousness at that point and phoned my partner and told him what had happened. I stayed on the phone to him for the journey. Two stops before mine, the strange man walked way and beckoned for me to get off at the stop with him. I remember declining angrily and scowling at him.

My boyfriend said I was calm when he met me at my stop, around 12:30am. He said I didn’t show any signs of physical struggle and seemed ok. My clothes were in tact and had my handbag, underwear on etc. Surely if something had happened I would have recalled or there would have been evidence? Or been very upset? I just fear what could have happened during those grey/blackout moments? I mean, it would be highly unlikely that I would have been attacked whilst on the train or as I walked through the station (which was busy enough from what I remember).

I can’t tell if this man was genuinely helping me or trying to assault me? I phoned friends after I got home to tell them what had happened - never mentioned being assaulted to them?

Thoughts? Opinions? I feel awful and can’t help but to think the worst...

Thanks,
P.s. I will never, ever use public transport alone and intoxicated again! Please don’t lecture me, I’m quite fragile as you can imagine.

OP posts:
Fol123 · 18/07/2018 07:38

I feel like an awful parent too and so irresponsible ... not coping too well

OP posts:
LaMainDeFatima · 18/07/2018 07:44

That sounds a very stressful and worrying situation. Was there any feeling or evidence of sexual activity in your pants or around the area? Have you showered since ?

If I were you, I would speak to the police. Explain to them what had happened. Describe the man carefully ( you never know, he might be known to them). They will help you decipher it a little bit more.

This is a terrible situation but please do something about it . I’m sure others will be here to post better advice than me as there’s some great people on here

blackbirdbluebottle · 18/07/2018 07:46

You are not an awful person please don’t blame yourself! Go to the police and tell them everything. Hopefully nothing happened but at least the police have a record of this guy in case he tries it on with someone else. :(

MaybeDoctor · 18/07/2018 07:48

I think he probably had it in mind to try it on with you, but the opportunity did not arise.

It sounds like a lucky escape. Those late night trains and stations can be pretty busy and are generally covered by CCTV, so I can’t really see where it would have happened.

Lweji · 18/07/2018 07:53

My first stop would be hospital, so that they could take a rape kit asap. Then police, but I expect they'll be called by hospital if you agree.

Still, you can call a rape help line for better practical advice and support.

rapecrisis.org.uk/ifyouvejustbeenraped.php
For England and Wales.

Candyflip · 18/07/2018 07:58

I really don’t think so, he just sounds like a massive creep. And you should stop blaming yourself, it does not matter that you were drunk, or on public transport alone. He should not have made you feel vulnerable.

VanGoghsLeftEar · 18/07/2018 08:16

Transport worker here. Yes, definitely report to British Transport Police on 0800 40 50 40. They can trace your journey on CCTV and ascertain what may have happened.

Bluntness100 · 18/07/2018 08:20

I think if you were raped on a train or had consensual sex there would have been an outcry and your timeline off the train shows correctly.

If there is no sign of physical harm, and your clothes were on correctly. Why do you think you were raped? It seems a really big leap to make.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 18/07/2018 08:37

I think it sounds like you are very cross with yourself for losing control due to being so drunk, and that you are punishing yourself by thinking about what could have happened, not what did happen. From what you have said, I don't think it sounds like you were raped but I think you have learned from the situation. We live and learn, don't punish yourself anymore, just learn from it....

reallybadidea · 18/07/2018 08:44

I think that if you'd been raped or assaulted you would remember something about it. You remember other things that frightened you, so I think it's very unlikely that you'd forget that. And tbh you don't sound as though you were drunk enough to have blacked out completely - you got on the right train, you were ok when you got home. It sounds like a really unpleasant situation but if it was me I think I would try and put it behind me.

LaMainDeFatima · 18/07/2018 10:10

Please take VanGoghs advice for yourself and for others

MaybeDoctor · 18/07/2018 10:42

Report to British Transport Police as his behaviour was certainly predatory. Then take it from there.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/11/2018 00:12

Going by what you have written it doesn’t seem like you could have been raped. The guy could well have been a creep and it could have gone that way but I’m not sure it did. I think you could be worrying g yousrsef about what could have happened and given you have a few unsure moments where you don’t remember things it’s making you even more worried. I would be the same. Did you check yourself at all for any signs? I don’t want to be graphic but any condos residue or semen etc? It must be difficult for you. Is there something that makes you think rape could have happened?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/11/2018 00:12

I’m sorry. I’ve just realised this is a few months old.

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