Irrational fear of pedophiles

[Mamatoriley]

Hi, I don’t know where else to go to talk about this. I had a miscarriage in December and it’s made me realise that anything can happen. Since then I’ve become increasingly protective over my son. So much so that I’ve developed a severe irrational fear that a pedophile could get him at any moment. We are going on holiday and he can go to a party there for an hour and I have to leave him there on his own for an hour. I’ve convinced myself one of the staff could be a pedo and it’s stressing me out. I want to take him to the park today but being so irrational and thinking he could get snatched or something. I’m single and scared to start dating in case I get reeled in by a pedophile. Believe me I know how irrational this is and I know I can’t let my son miss out so how can I tackle this. It’s came out of the blue and it’s become really stressful.

Hi OP, this must be really distressing for you have you considered going to your GP or in some areas you can self-refer for help with anxiety. In my area it's called Let's Talk. I definitely think it's worth talking things through with someone xx

Hi I think I am going to go the gp on Monday tbh, I really don’t want my son to miss out. It keeps me up most nights tossing and turning. Just you hear so much about it in the media, on the news, magazines and stuff.

Stop watching/reading the news, it does no good for a person suffering anxiety.

I hope your gp appointment goes well.

Hi OP, I am exactly the same, and have been since my pregnancy (DD now 9months old). I don't like any men looking at her, I don't even want her uncles or grandfather looking after her :( the thought of her starting nursery next year really worries me. I know I'm being irrational and don't know how to overcome it.
I worry that I could tell myself I'm being stupid, but then if something did happen I'd be devastated I hadn't listened to my instincts. 60% of females have experienced sexual assault and most child rape is carried out by someone close to the child.
I know people will tell me I'm paranoid, but recent data and statistics shine a light on how many pedophiles are out there.
I don't know what to do about it. I'm sorry you're also going through the same.

I’m so sorry you are feeling the same, it’s horrible isn’t it. I know first hand how vile men can be and it really just doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t even like his dad having him on his own. I trust my own dad at least though. I completely understand how are you are feeling. I have just filled in a self refer form for some counselling. The thought of anything happening to my child is really stressful for me, but like you said we probably are being totally irrational 😞 hope things improve for both of us!

It's awful. Please let me know how you get on, maybe I should try to address it myself. I also have had very bad experiences with men, and have two close friends who were sexually abused by their uncles when they were children. And that's only two that have spoken to me about it - God knows how many others have been through the same and keep it to themselves.

Oh you poor thing. I agree with a PP who said to start with seeing your GP. Proper treatment will help you to be able to deal with the ACTUAL risk (because yes, as you correctly say there IS a risk) in a way that’s healthy and enables you to assess the degree to which your fears are rational. Right now your brain is tying you up in knots. It’s not uncommon, it just manifests in so many different forms (eg health anxiety, social anxiety etc etc). The good news is that with the right help you’ll be able to get it under control; it’s not just a question of “stop being silly”!

Op obviously you recognise how you feel is irrational which is amazing.
So you know that. And you need for the sake of your son to deal with that. You would be surprised how many people happily trot off some irrational personality thing and don't do anything about it.
It's not fair on your skin to be raised in this cage. Having said that I do feel as a society we are either ignorant or in denial about how many people have these nasty tendancies.
I trust my dh 100000p % with the dc, I see him with them I know him inside out. But to be honest I always keep 10% back for everyone else.. That's kid next door neighbour dad.. I hear an see him with his all the time.. I feel he is trustworthy but I always keep 10% back, same with all other men in the family.

Rather like the sweet old family dog who never bit anyone suddenly turning and being responsible for 90% of dog wounds in a and e...

Same with dc who are abused.. The majority are abused by that trustworthy family friendly, close relative... Who no one suspected. Personally it doesn't harm anyone else to ever always keep 10 % back never say never..

I totally understand, we all want our child to be safe.
The fact that there are those pedophiles around makes me sick.
I’m super paranoid, but I have a reason to.. I have a pedophile uncle...
.. no one knows in my life knows that he touched me when I was 6-7 yrs

Pedophiles can be anyone, I don’t know whether I could trust my siblings or not despite my love and care for them. I could never trust them with my kid.
My parents trusted me with my uncle, they probably thought they could trust him because he wouldn’t be attracted to a child. Wrong. So wrong.

My lesson to mothers and myself in general.
Being cautious is better than being sorry.
Also, give time to your child not only care, ps don’t spoil them too much

Hello @Mamatoriley,
I totally understand how you felt.

I trust my own dad, I grew up with him and I know him. But I don't trust even my brother, nor my husband. I know my brother too, but what if he changed? I am 99% sure my husband wouldn't do anything, even the porn he watches changed from young to more mature actors, but there is that 1% fear 'what if he changes suddenly'. I was 6 years old when my 13-year-old cousin tried to rape me, according to my councillor, he was a curious teenager with an easy target to pick. Nevertheless, I don't trust men and I wish them all dead.

My point is, I am scared to take my kid(ab) out, ab wears closed clothing, not even allowed to go to the toilet alone and I think my behaviour scares ab more than I am scared. I hate sending ab to school, I wish I could sit there and watch ab all day long.

I cannot find proper help, I've heard only in London, 400 people being arrested for child pornography every month, hearing this even increased how scared I am, if in London 400, how much for the whole world?

I know I need help to get rid of this feeling, not for myself, but for the sake of ab. It is beyond me helping myself, I just can't find a proper councillor who can really disprove my reasoning to me. Does anyone know a good one? How did your counselling go?
Best, abMe