Supporting my child after an assault

[brylissian]

Hi, I have never used mumsnet before but I'm at the point where I need some insight from other parents. Here goes, I have cut a long story short, My daughter is only 11 and grew up to this age to be a beautiful girl, excellent school reports etc. One day this week she was supposed to be at a friend's house during the evening. Both her and her friend hooked up with 18 Yr olds, she asked one of them to give her a little cut to see what it felt like, he sliced through the back of her wrist with an 8" blade, going completely through 2 tendons and almost through the rest. She had to undergo an emergency operation to repair the tendons and they had to cut more to repair the damage to the nerves as she lost feeling in her fingers. It's now come to light the lad asked her to lie for him, but we got the truth anyway. I'm finding out her behaviour changed towards her school friends and she now classes herself as "emo". At home she did change a little with spending more time in her room, wearing all black, asking to dye her hair black (no chance, she's a beautiful blonde) and I also find out the people she has been hooking up with have self harming marks all over them, including a 13yr old girl. Please help, if anyone has any advice, I'm in the process of trying to repair her relationship with one of her old friends who has been lovely enough to come round every day since coming out of hospital, but I need more. It's likely this lad will be released on bail but he lives too close and she's protecting him by saying she doesn't want him to lose his job etc. Its his first offence and his parents are devastated. Any advice to spin this around would be much appreciated. I want the daughter back I knew before Christmas, I know she's still there. I've quit my job because I can't let her out of my sight again.

I'm so sorry how awful for you both.

I have no advice is here some kind of restraining order you could take out on her behalf? I'm clueless with legal things. She's obviously under his spell

Honestly? If circumstances allowed, I would move out of the area and move your daughter to a different school. And get a referral to CAMHS for her, or pay for private counselling if you can afford it (I couldn't, but CAMHS can be slow).

How terrifying and heartbreaking this must be for you. Keep posting on MN, there is always someone listening

I already demanded camhs as the hospital said she may be assigned a social worker but no need for camhs, I said I wanted them anyway.

Yes, unfortunately services are so crippled by underfunding that sometimes you really have to use your elbows to get what you need. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil - keep pestering.

Just remember that there are so many external influences on our children, things we can't entirely control however hard we try, so even the best parents can have terrifying and upsetting stages in their children's lives. You're advocating for her, you're being available for her. She is still there, underneath. Hang in there.