Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Victims of crime

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. For free advice contact Victim Support.https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Reporting historic rape

14 replies

Goodatactingnormal · 26/01/2018 11:19

Late last year I faced up to the fact that I was raped by a group of men I knew when unconscious. Its something I had suppressed for years (almost 20 years). I went to a rape counselling service after a couple of months building up to telling my husband.

The initial counselling assessment was helpful and we discussed reporting to the police. No pressure was put on me but i decided to report it as a number of men were involved and who knows what they've done since.

I got as far as completing the form that goes to the police SARC unit and the only unknown was the exact date it took place.

I thought I might be able to work it out but it was so long ago, I have no diary/calendar. So my form is in limbo waiting for a date. Im waiting for counselling to start, long waiting list.

I was hoping not to have to tell my family, but it looks like this is the only way to follow through with the report. Either that or asking friends who were around at the time.

I understand why the date is important, of course. Im under no illusions that the men would be charged with my rape due to circumstances at the time & time that has passed. But I said i could handle being a witness if any of them were charged with another sex assault.

I dont know what Im posting for really, I just need to get on with talking to people about the date. Tell me to be strong. Im not sure I can handle lying to friends and family, but the truth is harder.

OP posts:
DorynownotFloundering · 26/01/2018 13:25

Goodat, how brave of you, and hopefullly how cathartic to do this.

Could you choose one or two family members & confide in them, as much or as little as you feel able- maybe write a letter/email to break the subject inititally saying you want to talk but its difficult to say those initial words?

Tbey may then be able to help with the dates. I' m so glad you have had sensitive support from the authorities.

All the best to you, whatever you decide is best for you Flowers

Goodatactingnormal · 26/01/2018 13:50

Thanks for your kind response Dory. I think I will start with one family member I am close to. They were on holiday when it happened, so Im hoping they can find some record of when that was. If it gets to the point where I have to ask my parents I will make up another reason for asking.

I think I will feel a bit less in limbo once Ive completed the form and reported it.

OP posts:
DorynownotFloundering · 26/01/2018 16:12

Yes I can see that, having made this huge step, to be in limbo will be upsetting.
Glad you have a family member to ask, if they were on holiday when it happened that should narrow it down hugely.
It would also be good to not carry this round on your shoulders totally alone any more.

With regard to the likelyhood of a conviction, I don't know. With any crime sometimes just one extra person coming forward might add an extra piece of the jigsaw for the police to get a case against a rapist.
Either way for you moving forward and disclosing it & getting help is a big deal, do take advantage of any further counselling offered as an ongoing extra support. Being able to vent to someone who totally gets it, but isn't a family member, and non judgemental is good I imagine.
I hope your DH is beimg kind too. Take care.

Desmondo2016 · 26/01/2018 20:55

I'm a police officer and I'm not sure why you've been told you need an exact date?

Goodatactingnormal · 27/01/2018 02:48

I was filling in the form with a lady from the counselling service and I thought I'd be able to find out the date with a bit of research. Do you think the date isnt necessary after all?

OP posts:
Unicornsandrainbows3 · 27/01/2018 03:15

Many of us are unable to recall exact dates or times of historic abuse, time passed and trauma affects memory hugely. Can you recall a year, or any other information that might give a general timezone? I couldn't give a lot of details around date or time and they still took a statement with no problem.

I hope you're ok, you're so brave to have taken that first step.

Desmondo2016 · 27/01/2018 08:06

You can record it as 'between then and then '. Many historic offences on our crime file system are recorded in such a way.

Desmondo2016 · 27/01/2018 08:08

Just put as narrow a parameter as you can work out. For example if you know it was after the summer hols but can remember Halloween and know it had already happened by then you could put 'between1/9/92-30/10/92' (hypothetically speaking)

Goodatactingnormal · 27/01/2018 10:44

Thanks for the information, that does help. It takes the pressure off if I dont have to speak to loads of people to figure out an exact date.

Im ok, my dh was supportive when I told him. Looking forward to starting counselling to sort out my head a bit, and just to have someone I don't know to talk to.

OP posts:
Ajaysmith · 01/02/2018 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarveyKietelRabbit · 01/02/2018 18:54

Ajay - please don't come on to a thread with a petition without even acknowledging the OP whose thread this is about - who has been raped.

It's really fucking rude.

HarveyKietelRabbit · 01/02/2018 18:55

OP - I agree with PP, I don't think you need a specific date. It's extremely brave to be trying to do what you are Flowers good luck

Ajaysmith · 01/02/2018 19:20

Sorry, I am completely new to Mumsnet and was trying to reach as many likeminded people as I could. Didn’t mean any harm Blush

HarveyKietelRabbit · 01/02/2018 19:26

Okay. I get that and good on you for coming back to apologise, people respect that around here Flowers

Think of it a bit like if you overheard a conversation, someone asking the question the OP has, you wouldn't just pop over and say 'I heard you mention rape, can you sign this please?'

It's really insensitive but you understand that now. Have a good day.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page