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Could someone look at this text for me pplease? thanks : )
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BINAH · 28/11/2008 21:31

I would like to ask if someone could give me some feedback on this poems.They were written by a friend of mine and i really can't help her because my english is not that good.Sorry if it is not the right place to post and for the lengh of this thread.
TThe inner child:

The inner child:

Against the wind,
weakness struggles.
Underneath the skin,
sharp glass shattering
the flesh in flames.
Self - centered,
embracing the world,
the barefoot child is dancing,
streams of tears rolling down her infant face.
Her eyes are now widely enlarged.
With the innocence of her vigilant soul,
staring at the woman I am.
Today.
At the grief of loving.
The incidious, smooth voice that brings you to love.
To anger.
To hurt.
To redemption.
To forgiveness.
The chilling breeze that comes from within and leaves you numb,
Unknown, the infancy.
Love that tears you apart when you grow captive.
Like butterflies in an alegoric tale of lust and deceive.
Together, embodied, as one.
Their voices echoing endlessly among the tears.
Their eyes gazing in my surreal face.
My inner child.

Morgana Ray,

Fertility dance:

Alone,

she dances.

she offers her body

and opens the eyes

of her naked soul

to the tenderness of the first touch

and the wilderness of love.

solemnly to the Earth,

she returns.

There.

Where bleeding lovers layed embraced

reached to touch her inner glow.

She receives the promise of a new beginning.

Inside her a new being is growing,

cherished by this vital force blown by the lovers against her naked soul,

before she embodies the Earth.

And two become one.

Morgana Ray

thanks in advance. : )

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FairLadyRantALot · 29/11/2008 12:09

Does your friend selfharm? Was she abused?
Quite chilling poems, well, the first one was especially....
I have no idea about poems...and you probably wanted to know if they are gramatically correct....although, not sure if it really is important with poems...many great poems certainly don't seem to make sense gramatically, don't they...

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BINAH · 29/11/2008 17:00

thanks...I think that too...she had a troubled begining in life I think that is why she wrote this...I agree with you, gramaticatlly poetry doesn't seem to follow the rules...

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FairLadyRantALot · 29/11/2008 23:03

Binah, are you worried about your friend?

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BINAH · 30/11/2008 19:10

sorry for the delay..I am worried because I think she hasn't overcome the infancy problems and must be feeling very low .she is seeing a psicologist, according to her but I don't think that is working for her.she lives far from me but I call her everyweek to check on her.She lives abroad so it is difficult to help her more and her family is useless and blame her for beingstrange(in their sying),, she is lovely.Thanks for listening to her feelings through this texts.she was happy that someone read it and that her writting was understood....sorry for the lengh of the thread

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ChristmasFairyRantALot · 01/12/2008 11:05

awww...your poor friend...when going through therapy sometimes things tend to get worse before they get better....because you reflect on what happens, and for that you have to "drag" things, locked away in your brain , back out and to the forefront of your mind. But hopefully with help from her Therapist she will also be able to work through those issues, which, in the long term should make her better.
It sounds like she had a very traumatic childhood, and if her family is so unsupportive, they may have something to do with whatever happened anyway, and they are certainly not supportive now which might mean she should stop contact with them for the time being. Although depends entirely on the situation, of course....
It probably doesn't feel like it, to her, but her reaction is quite normal. And writing it from her soul alone will help her come to terms with things....
I work with youngsters that are in residetial care because of their homesituations and because they are to disturbed to be fostered, etc... all these youngsters have a creative outlet for their feelings...some write poems/stories, some write music and some draw or paint....it does seem to help them with dealing with their feelings.
Anyway, I do hope that your friend will come to terms with her experiences and that she can work through it...I am sure that you are helping her greatly, just by listening to her and being there for her in whichever form you can be. In those low times it helps to know you are not alone.

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ChristmasFairyRantALot · 01/12/2008 11:05

oh, I changed my name to a christmassy name, btw..

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BINAH · 02/12/2008 09:29

thanks ever so much for caring ...
I will try to help her in anyway i can and pass her all this information..
By the way...loved your christmassy name!

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