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Creative writing

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I feel like I've lost the ability to write after having my DC 2 years ago- help?

19 replies

WritingItUp · 06/01/2025 12:24

I've loved to write since I was a child. Writing always felt like something I needed to do and it's consistently been my favourite hobby. There's been times in my life I've done it more and times less but it's always been there waiting for me the next time inspiration struck.

I've always wanted to write a novel but got stuck with a premise but no plot, and would spend a lot of time starting over again, but I still enjoyed it. That, short stories and scripts were something I loved even just for myself.

I've really wanted to get back into writing more consistently recently as I'm missing having a creative outlet. I have a fully formed idea for a MG fiction book and even have it plotted out.

The problem is, I feel like I've lost my talent. I can't form my sentences coherently. I don't know if it's writer's block exactly because it's not that I don't have ideas. It's that the words don't flow and come naturally to me like they used to. Instead I end up with clunky sentences, or I find it difficult to find the right words to describe a scene.

I constantly have "tip of my tongue" moments with words and I'm finding it really frustrating that it's just not coming to me like it used to. Writing is such a big part of my identity and I really don't want to lose it. I've tried putting this idea away and writing other things but it's the same problem.

My brain just isn't working like it used to. I even struggle with writing coherent posts on here. On reflection I think this started a couple of years ago after having my child. I know people talk about "baby brain" but I truly feel I've become significantly less intelligent since having him and that's something I've noticed in other areas of my life too.

Is there any coming back from it? Do I just keep practising and pushing through? Do I just write my terrible sentences and force myself to get to the end of the novel before editing? I have these scenes in my head and then I write them and when I come back to them the next day it's not even clear what I was trying to say.

I'm very interested in hearing about any similar experiences or advice please.

OP posts:
Infernaloptimist · 07/01/2025 09:42

No advice OP but bumping for you as I'm in the same boat! For me, I wonder if it's related to not having as much headspace and a pretty broken attention span these days.

showmethegin · 07/01/2025 11:16

I'm not a writer (I could only dream) but I think I know what you're talking about. I too have a toddler and ever since having him I really struggle to find the words. I've always been a big reader and therefore had quite a large vocabulary. The last two years I've found I can really struggle to articulate clearly what I want to say. I hate the term baby brain but I genuinely feel less intelligent now. Must be all the mind numbing nursery rhymes!

WritingItUp · 07/01/2025 11:36

Thank you both of you. It's actually good to know it's not just me and others understand what I mean. I've spoken to a few people about this in real life and have had a lot of blank looks. Hopefully it's the kind of thing that improves over time as our children get older.

OP posts:
Drivingoverlemons · 07/01/2025 11:42

Same here, my first child is now 15! I did have a creative spell when the youngest was at infant school though, so you will probably get it back. I was shattered when mine were two.

Drivingoverlemons · 07/01/2025 11:43

I would recommend an online creative writing course to inspire you, York and Strathclyde do them.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/01/2025 11:46

I'm an author and I find that I need a LOT of headspace to write, which was probably why I didn't get published until my children were older. Don't underestimate the brain power it takes to work out plot, character arcs, vocabulary, etc, and if I am tired then my words just seem to desert me.

You could try something like a writing retreat, if you can get childcare for your LO. You might find that a decent night's sleep and the company of like minded people will stimulate you - although on the day to day, it can be very hard to fit in not just the time to write but the brainpower, when you are constantly distracted and tired.

larkstar · 07/01/2025 12:11

There's a small, cold circle of steel being pushed hard into the middle of my forehead.

He's got my head rocked back.

I'm having to look down to meet him in the eye.

"Listen lady..."

He's cocking the gun.

"I ain't no patient man. I don't have the graceagod to live eternal"

"I'm a ask you summin'.... then I'm a countathree. Understan?"

I don't. move. an. eyelid.

"You wanna do summin' with the gaddamnpen!?"

....aaaand....cut.

It's a wrap!

I think you need to cut out all the negative thinking and dwelling on the past, who you think you were and what you thought you could do. It's gone, it's in the past and I think it's holding you up.

Fear is holding you up. The brilliant front-runner Steve Prefontaine said "Don't let fear make a coward of you." I'm paraphrasing/misquoting him for context.

The brain-fog aside - it's a real thing and a problem but the way I'm also looking at your situation is that you are out of practice with the way in which you move into a flow state - that's where you can barely get the ideas down on the page fast enough because they are coming to you so quickly. This is a holy grail experience for anyone and everyone that writes or does anything creative.

It seems like you are judging and editing what you have written far too soon... two steps forward and one back: that's no way to go about it - you'll never get many words down on the page if that's what you're doing - you'll never get into the next field to start growing those ideas you've been carrying around in your pockets. I'd aim to write 1500-2500 words minimum, possibly as much as 4,500 words (but you can work your way up to that) before you start looking back and interrupting your own flow, because that's what you are doing. I'll give reasons for those numbers in a moment. Better to look at your word count than what you've written.

It's never easy in the first instance and probably for you now, it'll be harder because you are out of practice. There's one thing that has helped me and it'll perhaps seem unusual but I'll explain why: it's writing letters on a penpal site (which has many other benefits).

When was the last time you were so absorbed in writing that you lost track of time? I get this almost every day writing letters - the truth is it's not every single day but I am very accustomed to slipping into that feeling really easily once I start writing. We're are all different - I don't believe in writer's block - I simply don't think that way - writing is a problem - you need creative solutions - they exist - plenty exist - you just have to find the ones that appeal to you. I don't throw up my hands when I'm stuck on a crossword thinking it's writers block - it's just a riddle, a problem that just needs a bit of invention or lateral thinking to solve.

When I'm writing a reply I'm responding to the letter I've been sent but also flowering off into tangents. I learned a lot from reading Sylvia Plath's diaries for instance and by reading the diaries, letters and interviews (in particular) with many other writers, musicians and artists. I found the free-flowing style of what these people say when speaking off the cuff or privately in diaries so inspiring - and it's not just the content but the way in which they pour out their ideas, unhindered and especially when they conjure up so many magical figures of speech. I take this mode of self expression - this spontaneous, unselfconscious, ambitious approach - as a model for how I try to write. So I find that in writing letters, I get a lot of regular practice at entering that flow state and - exactly as I've seen in Paths diaries, letter writing is an opportunity to be inventive, fearless, playful, unselfconscious - I approach every piece of writing I do with this in mind and that includes shopping lists, posts on forums, emails, WhatsApp/Messenger messages - anything and everything - it's all an opportunity to practice... so do it. A few lines back I wrote about "flowering off at tangents" and I was conscious of writing that but I was also aware, as I had mentioned Plath, of her use of the word "flower" that stuck in my mind the first time I read it years ago and it came instantly to my mind (for reasons I don't need to know or understand)... let me dig the quote out...

"When they asked some old Roman philosopher or other how he wanted to die, he said he would open his veins in a warm bath. I thought it would be easy, lying in the tub and seeing the redness flower from my wrists, flush after flush through the clear water, till I sank into sleep under a surface gaudy as poppies."

So I know my reading feeds into the reservoir of language and ideas I can draw on so don't skimp on your reading thinking that it's time that subtracts from writing - done the right way - it's the opposite. Right at the start of this post, (I have no idea why), I wrote something in a way that maybe readers of Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian might recognise.

So I have found that in my letter writing I can write 1500-2500 words pretty easily before I start thinking - where am I going, where have I been - but I can push that out to about 4,500 if I turn off all my internal alarms and insecurities. Let me just count what I've done so far... about 700 words. It doesn't take long to knock that out if you are in a flow state - you can't do that if you are stopping to check on what you've written all the time - well - I never could.

It's not uncommon at all, that the brilliant ideas you have in your head look so dead on the page - that's when your inventiveness and creativity come in - you've got to breath life into it and believe that you have what it takes to do that but you've got to get some writing down on the page first.

You'll probably ignore everything I've said so far and see the last thing I'm going to say as the magic bullet (*) you (perhaps didn't know you) were looking for!

My daughters bought me a full annual subscription to the BBC Maestro app. Go and check it out. I haven't started using it yet. hth

(*) - there are none! Don't bother looking for them!

PS The penpal app I use is called Slowly.

HappyPen · 07/01/2025 21:42

You say you’ve lost your writing ability, but you’ve eloquently (and perfectly) described how I feel about my brain recently. For me, although I do have children, they’re teens, but I’ve been feeling this way too and I’m hoping it’s perimenopause because then perhaps it will pass. I can really relate to the tip of the tongue thing, the clunky sentences and feeling like I’m less intelligent than I was, it’s actually really disconcerting and quite upsetting. I find I actually struggle with basic writing too now, not just creative writing - so drafting emails and posts and even texts. It’s like I’ve lost the natural ability to write!

WritingItUp · 07/01/2025 22:55

Thank you so much for the replies. I just wanted to update to say that I am away at the moment but I am going to go back and reply to everyone as soon as I can. I haven't abandoned the thread. I really appreciate everything that's been said.

OP posts:
NewWriter · 10/01/2025 12:40

@larkstar thank you for your post, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! Really inspirational.

@WritingItUp you CAN write, you do have it in you and like others said, your post is written eloquently. I agree with @larkstar on focusing on word count, I aim for 500 a day at first and build up to 1,000 a day - get the story written before you start line editing. I outline first in quite some detail (breaking it down into beats) but if you're out of practice and just want to get back into that flow state, I would really recommend giving yourself a daily word-count and making it fairly small and achievable before building it up.

GiddyRobin · 13/01/2025 15:11

What helped me was role-playing. I don't mean that in the sexy way! It's more collaborative writing, there's a lot out there and I've always done it as a hobby. One person writes one post (maybe 700 words) and the next continues the plot from their character's perspective. It's usually done via forum, email, or discord between two people who come up with a fun plot. Role-playing is a crap term really because it's always from third person, past tense and not remotely akin to actually playing a role. But the term stuck!

It's different to writing a story, but it helps keep your brain moving and plot bunnies roaming. I can send you links to some decent forums or discord servers if you like. They're all usually writers doing the same thing - keeping their brains alive and trying out characters!

I'm in publishing and so, so many of the authors I speak to do this. It's been a hobby for me since I was a teen, and I'm published now (only in short stories so far), but it helps so much.

WritingItUp · 14/01/2025 21:26

Drivingoverlemons · 07/01/2025 11:43

I would recommend an online creative writing course to inspire you, York and Strathclyde do them.

Thank you for this suggestion. I've had a look and these do look good. I've never done anything like a writing course before and do feel excited but nervous about the idea. I've also seen my local council has some beginner creative writing classes and that might be a good way to dip my toe into the world of sharing with people in a group situation like that.

OP posts:
WritingItUp · 14/01/2025 21:33

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/01/2025 11:46

I'm an author and I find that I need a LOT of headspace to write, which was probably why I didn't get published until my children were older. Don't underestimate the brain power it takes to work out plot, character arcs, vocabulary, etc, and if I am tired then my words just seem to desert me.

You could try something like a writing retreat, if you can get childcare for your LO. You might find that a decent night's sleep and the company of like minded people will stimulate you - although on the day to day, it can be very hard to fit in not just the time to write but the brainpower, when you are constantly distracted and tired.

Thank you. I appreciate the understanding from everyone here. I think you're absolutely right. It's not just thinking of the right words or putting sentences together, but it's the plot and the pacing and characters and I guess on top of the normal day to day work and parenting it does take a lot of headspace.

I would absolutely love a writing retreat and from a quick google some of them look really luxurious! 😅 I'm not in a position to do it at the moment but I think definitely in the next year or two this would be doable and if nothing else would be a really fun experience to be with other like-minded people.

OP posts:
WritingItUp · 14/01/2025 21:51

larkstar · 07/01/2025 12:11

There's a small, cold circle of steel being pushed hard into the middle of my forehead.

He's got my head rocked back.

I'm having to look down to meet him in the eye.

"Listen lady..."

He's cocking the gun.

"I ain't no patient man. I don't have the graceagod to live eternal"

"I'm a ask you summin'.... then I'm a countathree. Understan?"

I don't. move. an. eyelid.

"You wanna do summin' with the gaddamnpen!?"

....aaaand....cut.

It's a wrap!

I think you need to cut out all the negative thinking and dwelling on the past, who you think you were and what you thought you could do. It's gone, it's in the past and I think it's holding you up.

Fear is holding you up. The brilliant front-runner Steve Prefontaine said "Don't let fear make a coward of you." I'm paraphrasing/misquoting him for context.

The brain-fog aside - it's a real thing and a problem but the way I'm also looking at your situation is that you are out of practice with the way in which you move into a flow state - that's where you can barely get the ideas down on the page fast enough because they are coming to you so quickly. This is a holy grail experience for anyone and everyone that writes or does anything creative.

It seems like you are judging and editing what you have written far too soon... two steps forward and one back: that's no way to go about it - you'll never get many words down on the page if that's what you're doing - you'll never get into the next field to start growing those ideas you've been carrying around in your pockets. I'd aim to write 1500-2500 words minimum, possibly as much as 4,500 words (but you can work your way up to that) before you start looking back and interrupting your own flow, because that's what you are doing. I'll give reasons for those numbers in a moment. Better to look at your word count than what you've written.

It's never easy in the first instance and probably for you now, it'll be harder because you are out of practice. There's one thing that has helped me and it'll perhaps seem unusual but I'll explain why: it's writing letters on a penpal site (which has many other benefits).

When was the last time you were so absorbed in writing that you lost track of time? I get this almost every day writing letters - the truth is it's not every single day but I am very accustomed to slipping into that feeling really easily once I start writing. We're are all different - I don't believe in writer's block - I simply don't think that way - writing is a problem - you need creative solutions - they exist - plenty exist - you just have to find the ones that appeal to you. I don't throw up my hands when I'm stuck on a crossword thinking it's writers block - it's just a riddle, a problem that just needs a bit of invention or lateral thinking to solve.

When I'm writing a reply I'm responding to the letter I've been sent but also flowering off into tangents. I learned a lot from reading Sylvia Plath's diaries for instance and by reading the diaries, letters and interviews (in particular) with many other writers, musicians and artists. I found the free-flowing style of what these people say when speaking off the cuff or privately in diaries so inspiring - and it's not just the content but the way in which they pour out their ideas, unhindered and especially when they conjure up so many magical figures of speech. I take this mode of self expression - this spontaneous, unselfconscious, ambitious approach - as a model for how I try to write. So I find that in writing letters, I get a lot of regular practice at entering that flow state and - exactly as I've seen in Paths diaries, letter writing is an opportunity to be inventive, fearless, playful, unselfconscious - I approach every piece of writing I do with this in mind and that includes shopping lists, posts on forums, emails, WhatsApp/Messenger messages - anything and everything - it's all an opportunity to practice... so do it. A few lines back I wrote about "flowering off at tangents" and I was conscious of writing that but I was also aware, as I had mentioned Plath, of her use of the word "flower" that stuck in my mind the first time I read it years ago and it came instantly to my mind (for reasons I don't need to know or understand)... let me dig the quote out...

"When they asked some old Roman philosopher or other how he wanted to die, he said he would open his veins in a warm bath. I thought it would be easy, lying in the tub and seeing the redness flower from my wrists, flush after flush through the clear water, till I sank into sleep under a surface gaudy as poppies."

So I know my reading feeds into the reservoir of language and ideas I can draw on so don't skimp on your reading thinking that it's time that subtracts from writing - done the right way - it's the opposite. Right at the start of this post, (I have no idea why), I wrote something in a way that maybe readers of Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian might recognise.

So I have found that in my letter writing I can write 1500-2500 words pretty easily before I start thinking - where am I going, where have I been - but I can push that out to about 4,500 if I turn off all my internal alarms and insecurities. Let me just count what I've done so far... about 700 words. It doesn't take long to knock that out if you are in a flow state - you can't do that if you are stopping to check on what you've written all the time - well - I never could.

It's not uncommon at all, that the brilliant ideas you have in your head look so dead on the page - that's when your inventiveness and creativity come in - you've got to breath life into it and believe that you have what it takes to do that but you've got to get some writing down on the page first.

You'll probably ignore everything I've said so far and see the last thing I'm going to say as the magic bullet (*) you (perhaps didn't know you) were looking for!

My daughters bought me a full annual subscription to the BBC Maestro app. Go and check it out. I haven't started using it yet. hth

(*) - there are none! Don't bother looking for them!

PS The penpal app I use is called Slowly.

Edited

This has been such an excellent reply that it actually made me quite emotional and I have read it several times. These things really spoke to me:

"dwelling on the past, who you think you were and what you thought you could do. It's gone, it's in the past and I think it's holding you up."

This is absolutely what I've been doing. I've been getting so caught up in what I feel I've "lost" and what it means for my identity that I am dwelling on it instead of looking forward. I think I do need to accept that the 'before' has gone and that what I am now is what I am now.

I'm also looking at your situation is that you are out of practice with the way in which you move into a flow state - that's where you can barely get the ideas down on the page fast enough because they are coming to you so quickly.

Yes this is exactly it. Now in hindsight, I do think I've heard of a flow state before but I don't think I ever knew that it's what I was experiencing. Even reading this alone has made me happier as it feels less of a big deal to think that actually I'm no longer moving into this state as easily as I once did. It's a common thing and not a unique experience or evidence that I've irreversibly lost some talent or intelligence.

It seems like you are judging and editing what you have written far too soon... two steps forward and one back

Bingo again! This is exactly it. I've been away from home for a week and have been finding some time in the evenings on my own to write. I've been forcing myself to keep ploughing on without going back and rewriting the same things repeatedly.

This was initially hard as I kept getting distracted by thoughts about what I could do to fix the earlier stuff or what was wrong with it. I decided that when I think of something I want to change then I just add a comment to the document so I don't forget but am not actually letting myself go back and rewrite yet.

I don't want to speak too soon but it feels helpful as although it's really uncomfortable to fight the instinct, I am getting further into my writing than I usually would and I'm less annoyed with myself about my badly written sentences because I know that I can go back and fix them all but just not yet.

Interestingly I did used to use a very similar penpal app to what you have mentioned a few years ago and it is something I enjoyed but haven't thought about in a long time so I will consider getting back into it again. Great idea.

Anyway, I won't do a line by line response but I wanted to say that what you've said has really spoken to me and I am so grateful for the effort you've put into this. Thank you. Truly.

OP posts:
WritingItUp · 14/01/2025 22:09

HappyPen · 07/01/2025 21:42

You say you’ve lost your writing ability, but you’ve eloquently (and perfectly) described how I feel about my brain recently. For me, although I do have children, they’re teens, but I’ve been feeling this way too and I’m hoping it’s perimenopause because then perhaps it will pass. I can really relate to the tip of the tongue thing, the clunky sentences and feeling like I’m less intelligent than I was, it’s actually really disconcerting and quite upsetting. I find I actually struggle with basic writing too now, not just creative writing - so drafting emails and posts and even texts. It’s like I’ve lost the natural ability to write!

Thank you. What you've said describes it perfectly and I'm sorry you've experienced the same thing. I do want to say that (really genuinely) you articulated your thoughts really well in this post and I wonder if maybe we perceive our writing as clunkier and harder to read than others do.

It's interesting you mentioned perimenopause. I have found my post-baby struggles extend to other parts of life. I was always academically quite capable - logical, good at puzzles, Maths etc. A year ago, I career changed into quite a technical field and I'm really noticing how much harder it is for me to learn things, to take them in and to just generally solve problems than it used to be. It does feel like I've quite dramatically lost intelligence.

It's very frustrating because there is not a particularly long list of things I feel I'm good at on average (in fact what I've mentioned on here is really the whole list!). When the things I've been good at my whole life just vanish it's hard because it feels like 'me' is changing.

Googling did lead me to perimenopause. I (perhaps naively) didn't really take it on as I'm in my early 30s and I'd hoped I wouldn't have to worry about that yet, but there are other changes e.g. to my periods that make me think it could be this or at least something else hormonal going on. I will ask my GP about it.

I have had some success, after the lovely supportive posts you've all put on here, at pushing through with the writing. The tip of my tongue clunky sentence issue remains, but I have found that forcing myself to keep going instead of constantly editing and beating myself up has helped me just do it anyway and enjoy it again a bit more. I am hopeful that it doesn't have to be the end of my writing journey.

I hope you find improvement in the near future. Thank you.

OP posts:
WritingItUp · 14/01/2025 22:11

GiddyRobin · 13/01/2025 15:11

What helped me was role-playing. I don't mean that in the sexy way! It's more collaborative writing, there's a lot out there and I've always done it as a hobby. One person writes one post (maybe 700 words) and the next continues the plot from their character's perspective. It's usually done via forum, email, or discord between two people who come up with a fun plot. Role-playing is a crap term really because it's always from third person, past tense and not remotely akin to actually playing a role. But the term stuck!

It's different to writing a story, but it helps keep your brain moving and plot bunnies roaming. I can send you links to some decent forums or discord servers if you like. They're all usually writers doing the same thing - keeping their brains alive and trying out characters!

I'm in publishing and so, so many of the authors I speak to do this. It's been a hobby for me since I was a teen, and I'm published now (only in short stories so far), but it helps so much.

Edited

I would really love some links please if that's possible. I've never done anything like this before but I think it sounds like it might be quite fun to try. Thank you for your reply. This is a really good idea.

OP posts:
WritingItUp · 14/01/2025 22:15

I'm sorry I've just realised I've missed a couple of posts and not responded directly. I have to log off for the evening, but I wanted to say that I appreciate each and every reply and it's been very motivating and even emotional to read. I do apologise it's taken me so long to get back to the thread. I'm so pleased to find this lovely supportive board.

OP posts:
GiddyRobin · 15/01/2025 15:36

WritingItUp · 14/01/2025 22:11

I would really love some links please if that's possible. I've never done anything like this before but I think it sounds like it might be quite fun to try. Thank you for your reply. This is a really good idea.

Of course! I'll chuck you a message with some links and info. Don't want to post links on here as they're very well moderated and I don't want an influx of trolls.

writing123 · 19/01/2025 18:41

Novelist here with a few suggestions:
1/ If you're not already, then read and read and read. As writers we need to be sponges for words. And reading is the only short-cut I've found to writing better.
2/ Try getting a book you like, in a similar genre as your current idea, and typing out a scene. Literally copy it, from the book's page. (And delete it after!) Scenes look different on a word processor, and when I first started on novels this was what taught me the shape of a scene on my screen. Also, it made my fingers itch to delve into my own story!
3/ Before you start writing a scene, try stating a one sentence synopsis of it at the top. In this scene, MC confronts her cheating her husband, or sees a fairy in the garden, or gets drunk with her friend and admits a secret, or whatever, to ensure the scene doesn't meander on aimlessly.
4/ Don't worry about the words being any good. Just get the ideas down on the page. Lots of writing isn't very good until the writer has got down enough words to uncover the voice and tone and plot and characters for this story. You can edit bad writing, as the saying goes, but you can't edit a blank page. So whilst you could, as you suggest, just keep going and get a whole novel on a page before stopping to edit, you could also stop to edit earlier, when you reach an 'aha' moment where it's all flowing better. Everyone has a different approach, and part of the fun/agony is finding yours.
5/ Don't feel bad about it finding it hard. Writing a good book is incredibly hard. Clearly a multitude of things, including pregnancy and mothering, can make it even harder, but the skills you learn to slog through that will help you keep going every other time (almost all the time!) that it's hard.
6/ Did I mention to read, read read?!

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