Judge my pitch for teaching writing workshops

[LondonWritingSchool]

Hi,

I'm a writing teacher, I'm starting a new online course this Autumn and wondered if anyone in the group would be kind enough to give feedback on my video (cringe!) and eventbrite page. Is this enough information? Do you want to know more? Less? Is it confusing. Do you understand what I'm getting at? If you've got 2 mins I'd super appreciate it.

Please be kind :)
But firm because I really want to make go of this :)
But also kind :)

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/writing-when-you-have-a-baby-intro-to-the-course-mini-workshop-tickets-676523900197

Okay this is fundamentally a writing critique, because if I was going to take this course, I'd be judging the quality of your writing to see if I think I can learn from you. My comments in italics. I'm NOT a writer but this is what I have personally picked up on.

Our 'Writing when you have a baby or toddler' workshops take into account the additional responsibilities and time pressure that comes with caring for children. I help you be creative and be a great parent .

You start with 'our' then change to 'I'. Keep consistent.
Lose the extra space before full stop on last sentence.

This free introductory workshop gives you a chance to find out about the course, and meet the teacher (me!). But because we never squander an opportunity to write there will also be a writing workshop on the theme of lost things.

Lose the 'me!' - unprofessional and over-familiar. Switch the clauses - 'chance to meet the teacher and find out about the course'. No Oxford comma needed. Jury is out on starting a sentence with 'But'. If you do, I'd put a comma in after the 'write'. It also doesn't really make sense to say 'this free intro workshop...' followed by 'there will also be a writing workshop...' Just say 'In this first session, we'll be writing on the theme of 'lost things' - or similar, you get the idea.

What you'll learn in the workshop:
Having young children (mine are big now) was actually really productive time in my writing life. I'll share some of the daily routines I adopted to sustain my creative practice during the busy times of caring for babies and young children.

Lose the 'actually'. You're also missing an 'a' before 'really productive'.

My writing practice is often rooted in my love of archaeology and old artefacts so we'll also do a writing exercise on the theme of 'lost things', in order to get your creative juices flowing.

Ah, now your workshop theme makes sense - it was really random when you first mentioned it above. You've now duplicated this info though, so re-word your stuff above. Lose the comma after 'lost things'. If you keep the 'lost things' thing in the first section keep consistent on your use of '' marks so either lose them here or add them above.

About the course:
I’m a single parent (and novelist, playwright, creative teacher, teacher, film director, producer and lots of other things). This is the course I wish I had chance to do when mine were tiny.

Okay this isn't really about the course is it? That's about you. If you're going down that line, state one or two things you've published. Take out one of 'creative teacher' or 'teacher'. I'd take out 'creative teacher'. I'd also take out the brackets, and just list all your things so they are treated equally. I'd replace 'mine' with 'my children'.

Or, actually say what the course is - is it one hour with homework tasks to encourage students to try new writing techniques. Is it life writing, fiction, history, journalism? What will happen at the end - will the writing be shared, is it collaborative? What will a student gain? Confidence? Skills? Portfolio?

I am a very encouraging and supportive teacher, come along to the session and start to make time for your creative life along with being a parent.
Last bit:

Two unrelated clauses - I'm a fan of using a dash in this case rather than a comma. Suggest alongside rather than 'along with'. Or something else- you've already got an 'along' in the sentence.

You come across as friendly and approachable. You explain the course clearly. But I take it the workshop is free but the course is paid for? When does it run? Some people may not be able to make the August workshop but still be interested in the actual course, and I'd want to know the cost (which you could put in writing in the blurb).
Plus, I couldn't see or find a link to sign up - snd there's a weird 'sales ended' pop up across the bottom. I clicked on the London Writing school link but it just seems to ask me to sign up for emails. I'm on my phone but I think most people look online with it, in case that's the issue.
So if make it clear how people can sign up for it - what steps they need to take.
Otherwise sounds like a good idea!

‘This is the course I wish I had chance to do when mine were tiny.’

You’re missing an article- a chance or the chance.

‘I help you be creative and be a great parent .’

That’s rather a tall order for a one hour workshop. I would lose the ‘great parent’ part.

Tbh I think you need to pin it down to some much more specific goals. Maybe think more about what the barriers are to writing with little ones and how you will provide solutions to them. You’re not really selling it to me which is a pity because it sounds like a positive thing for people to do and you sound like as good a person as any to deliver it. The tiny typos and sloppinesses in the writing matter more than you might think so it’s worth putting the time into proof reading it to death before you put it out there.

Best of luck op x

Thank you everyone! Great feedback, really appreciate it.

Thanks for the tip on the 'sales ended' - stupid tick box error which should be fixed now. Technology (sigh).

London Writing School's 'Writing when you have a baby or toddler' workshop takes into account the additional responsibilities and time pressure that comes with caring for children. It helps you to be creative and be a great parent.

This free introductory workshop gives you a chance to find out about the course, and meet the teacher. Because we never squander an opportunity to write, there will also be a writing workshop on the theme of lost things. [Is this a separate workshop or a writing exercise within the workshop? The lost things seems a bit unconnected here]

What you'll learn in the workshop
Having young children can be a productive time in your writing life. I'll share some of the daily routines I adopted to sustain my creative practice during the busy times of caring for babies and young children.

My writing practice is often rooted in my love of archaeology and old artefacts so we'll also do a writing exercise on the theme of 'lost things', to get your creative juices flowing.

About the course teacher
I’m a single parent ,novelist, playwright, creative teacher, teacher, film director, producer and lots of other things. This is the course I wish I'd had the chance to do when my children were tiny.

I'm an encouraging and supportive teacher. Come along to the session and start to make time for your creative life while being a parent.

You come across as friendly and approachable in the video.

You're now missing a closing bracket on this one:
Each session involves warm-up and writing exercise, as well as an exploration of one of the fundamental elements of story (plot, character, voice, world-building, structure and a host of other topics.

You might like to reconsider how many things you have in brackets in the whole text. I know it's intended to be friendly, but there's just too many for a short section of text.

My post-covid brain is on full show here! I used to be good at the details and now my eyes just don't seem to see them.

Thank you everyone for your support - this is amazing.

About the course
Many writing courses are in the evening, which is the busiest time for parents. While it's great to get out of the house and have dedicated time to yourself, not everybody can.

This course is twelve one-hour sessions, once a week, with recordings of each one available should life get in the way. Each session involves a warm-up and a writing exercise, as well as an exploration of one of the fundamental elements of story: plot, character, voice, world-building, structure, and a host of other topics. Sessions are £12 (£9 concs).

[is the warm-up an exercise or just an informal chatty bit at the start?]

The warm up is free writing - thank you, I'll add that in.

I do think it’s great that you’re doing this. People often assume that the children being small is the hardest time to write but I had a real outpouring of creativity with mine, despite everything - the lack of sleep, the busy-ness.
I actually found it much harder once they were older, so I think it would be such a pity if women were put off from writing with babies because they think it’s impossible or that it would somehow make them less good mums. I hope you get a lot of takers.

Thank you! I found the same thing, once they start speaking it can actually get a bit trickier in some ways.