Can someone help me with this sentence?

[Kiplingroad]

I am writing a travel memoir and in one scene my child is having a hard time with a new school. It's a sad scene so I want to add a bit of humour.

So I'm saying "God, the child could pluck my heartstrings like a cheap banjo."

But it doesn't quite make sense, does it? Because it's the strings of the banjo, but saying "The child could pluck my hearstrings like the strings of a cheap banjo" sounds clumsy.

Should I say: Play my heartstrings like a cheap banjo? Or do I need to just delete it.

I'm basing it on the phrase "play me like a cheap whistle" but trying to make it my own.

If anyone can unravel it please do! Thank you.

It makes sense to me as it is.

I prefer "pluck" over "play"

OK. Thank you. Maybe I'll leave it.

Why a cheap banjo? Why not just a banjo?

I think cheap because it shows how good some kids are at playing their mothers, I wouldn't fall for it with just anyone with but him I'm weak.... and so a weak banjo would be a cheap one.

God, the child could pluck at my heartstrings like a busker on a (cheap) banjo.
I'd remove cheap and rewrite it thus.

Oh that's lovely... and more accurate. Thank you. I am attached to cheap but maybe it's implied by the busker/banjo.

Yes I think busker gives the nuance of cheap. Also you get the nice alliteration of busker and banjo, which the insertion of cheap between them rather dilutes.
Glad you like it! 🙂

Yes the alliteration is gorgeous.... it has more rhythm which suits the banjo idea too. Right, it's going in! 😀

Good luck with your memoir OP! 😊

More alliteration - though perhaps too much - a busker on a battered / borrowed banjo.

Thank you heldinadream

FawnDrench I do like battered as an adjective!

It's all too try hard and "writerly". It doesn't really work as a metaphor. Is a busker on a cheao banjo especially good at tugging at heartstrings? No.

"Pluck at my heartstrings" is a cliche anyway. Drop it. Just say what you mean.

@MasterBeth Not quite sure why you've commented, you sound like that classic grouch at the beginner's workshop, trying to tear everyone down while spewing bad poems about thorns on red roses.

I commented to offer my advice. It happens to be advice based on a professional writing career of just under 30 years, but feel free to ignore as you see fit.

You didn't comment to offer your advice, you commented to patronise me – if you can't see how rude your comment is you need to read it again.

And if we're pulling rank I have placed numerous short stories and essays in literary journals, write and edit full time for a living, and have a traditionally published & well reviewed novel out in the world with another soon to be signed.

Also you spelled cheap wrong.

I've heard the phrase before and it's always made sense to me as is

Good for you.

Unless you are also @Kiplingroad, I certainly didn't post to patronise you. I posted to comment on her query.

Personally, I think it's patronising to be less than honest to a new writer. Her instincts to drop the phrase are correct - it's clumsy and unclear. Do you use cliches like "pluck my heartstrings" in your writing? I bet you don't.

I agree with @MasterBeth I'm afraid. The metaphor doesn't really make sense.

"God, the child could pluck at my heartstrings like a busker on a banjo"

Effectively you're saying a busker on a banjo could pluck at your heartstrings. I'd replace the busker with something that really does "pluck at your heartstrings".

Agree with @MasterBeth and @RiderOfTheBlue Sometimes, it is easy to fall into the trap of searching for an ill-fitting image, when it is best to write clearly and simply.

However, if you want to carry on with the image, then pick some things that are comparable to the boy picking at your heartstrings. Here is a mundane example.

"Like a puppy dog's eyes or a sad song, the boy could pluck at my heartstrings."

Agree with this

As someone who is a fan of banjos I'm unsure of the image. Is it meant to be your heart being played and it sounds awful or do you mean that it's was easy for the child to do it? It's not clear to me so I suspect the joke would be lost on me.