Lost confidence in my writing ability

[LittleGreyFluffyCat]

Over the years I've dabbled with writing, and have completed a few scripts and short stories, but was never happy with them.

In 2019 I decided to commit to learning more about how to write a good story, and decided I'd tackle a novel.

It's been a painful process, I kept setting off with an idea, then getting stuck, making changes then trying again.

After throwing away drafts of 2,500, 3,000, 9000, and 23,000 words I eventually forced myself to finish a first draft of 78,000 words. As I was writing I could tell I was losing my way but thought I could fix the story in the edit.

Alas I'd written a proper bottom drawer novel.

I've had some ideas on how to take my main character and setting and write a story that has conflict, but now I've lost confidence.

I feel like if I had the ability to write a decent story I would have done it by now. Maybe I'm someone who is simply unable to write a good story?

I'm not sure what to do with these feelings! I'd always thought that if I took the time and committed, I'd write something workable, but that's not the case.

It sounds like you are being unduly harsh on yourself. I suppose the question I would ask you is - why do you write? What is driving you?

I wrote my novel during the first lockdown, like a lot of people it was the first time I truly had the space and time to do it, but it has always been my dream since I was a teenager. I feel that writing is the one thing I know that I am good at, and I've always been frustrated that I didn't have the financial freedom to pursue it.

When I started writing my book I had a quote on my pinboard (I can't remember where it came from) but it says 'It doesn't have to be good, it just has to be written'. The idea being that you just write - almost like a stream of consciousness and that out of that comes a story, and your own true style. I very much believe in that. Instead of abandoning drafts why don't you try and finish a whole novel, even if it's a really short one, and then go back and edit it into shape?

The first draft of my novel was 52,000 words and the plot was really quite different to how it is now. Once you have a complete draft - it doesn't have to be perfect - you can then let someone you trust read it and give you feedback. You might find it then starts to grow into something you can't let go of.

Don't forget that all novels start as a very rough first draft. Then you can almost rewrite it as a second draft as you start to edit. Pull it apart, work out which bits work and which bits need rewriting - don't consign it straight away to the drawer under the bed! And after doing that if you still aren't happy then you can start another novel. Most authors write a couple of novels before they write one they are happy with (I wrote three!).

This reminds me of that Hemingway quote ‘it’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write, let them think you were born that way.’

Thanks for the responses.

Honestly my completed first draft really isn't salvageable. There's no real story!

I have had ideas for more of a story for that same main character, but I'm worried I'll make the same mistakes again and write another flop.

I keep writing angsty main characters with internal conflict but no decent change arc and nothing at stake!

That sounds standard enough for a first draft — you’ve got characters, but the plot doesn’t work as is. There’s something there you can move forward with. Maybe now would be a good time to do some reading about plot and structure to help your revision?

Scroll down to the storytelling, plot and structure section of this —

emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/resources.html

Other posters may also have book or resource recommendations. I’ve never read it, but have heard many people on here speak highly of Save the Cat Writes a Novel.

If you have characters with internal conflict you're more than halfway there! There has to be a reason why they are like that, and then something needs to happen over the course of the book to resolve that. If you like your characters then give them another story.

I use Save The Cat Writes a Novel, and an easy read for plotting a character arc is Take Off Your Pants by Libby Hawker.

Thanks for those recommendations, I'll go and have a look at them now!