Writing about your life

[SunshineCake1]

Dh is adamant I should write about my life. He's been banging in about it for years. I would have no truck with anyone else but him and me reading it, this is not about me thinking my life has been so interesting that people will flock to Waterstones to read about it, but I think I would like to try. Again. Some attempts have been not great as I think I have tried to hard to make it like when I read a blurb, it had to grab me in three kinds, which makes no sense as it wont be published. Other attempts have flowed and gone well but it was pretty short and would need more details.

I have a huge pile of paperwork all about my life so I have the black and white information there it's just how do I turn it into a book I can read. Reading the pages takes me right back there.

I am thinking if I was able to do it it would help me emotionally and mentally so I am wanting to give it a try. I did consider a ghost writer but dismissed that. Can anyone give me any tips, advice, encouragement please? If you have done it, about your own life not mine, then I would love to hear from you. If you are published I'll consider reading it too.

Thank you.

Have you considered writing a blog? You don't have to share it with anyone, but it means you can easily break your life/ideas into chunks.

No I hadn't. Isn't a blog about life now? My plan is write about my childhood and teenage years. Dh just read my old books when I started and said it was good. I had forgotten some of what I had written so now he knows I still had feelings for an ex when we met .

I would start by making an outline - events year by year- then you have something to flesh out.

The way you would plot a novel- start with the barest overview in keywords, then flesh out the scenes.

Who does he want you to write it for - you or him? Why is he adamant you write it? I'd be asking this as it might help the words flow more for me - audience & purpose, if that makes sense?

Has your life been very exciting? Or sadly a tragic one?

I think he thinks it should be read by others but he knows that isn't what I want.

It's not been an exciting life. A very difficult one and it still is tbh.

I have lived in denial for a long time. I felt if I wrote it down it would mean it all really happened which I didn't want to admit. Now I am wondering if actually I did write it down it would take the sting out of it and stop the power it has over me. Maybe if I wrote it in the third person. I think that's what it is called.

A blog can be anything you want
It is just a place to store your writing online

Have a look at local adult Ed classes?

Or Just start writing about one day or one event at a time.
Have you read any memoir you liked reading?

You could emulate that style
Try lemm Sissay my name is why
susan lewis just one more day
Deborah orr motherwell

Writing can help
hbr.org/2021/07/writing-can-help-us-heal-from-trauma

I have My Name is Why but haven't read it yet.

Thanks for the link. I'll look tomorrow. Feeling a bit fragile now so can't.

Try finding a local adult creative writing class.

I think there's a huge difference between writing for yourself (which can be very cathartic) and writing for publication, especially if that's in the form of a novel. Is he suggesting it should be autobiographical or written as a story?

I think he thinks it should be read but it is 100% not what I want or would agree to. I'm hoping it will be cathartic for me. Someone who did me great harm is linked to an important family but I don't know if that's his reasoning. I doubt it is.

You would never get it published, though, if you were to write about a named or identifiable person like that. A publisher wouldn't touch it as you/they could be sued by the person concerned.

I obviously wouldn't use their name. He's dead anyway. Was convicted and went to jail but he is not who I'm wanting to give any thought to. And again, I don't want to publish.

Just write it down for you

Start by making a list of the events in your life, in date order:

eg. early childhood, started infant school, moved to flat in Croydon, new baby brother born, started junior school, broke arm, moved to house in Manchester, started secondary school, p/t job in coffee shop...

Decide which parts should be included - so maybe your real story starts when you left juniors, and the earlier part of your life could just be a couple of sentences, or not mentioned.

Start with an anecdote which demonstrates what your life was like at a very happy/sad/exciting time, then flash back to the start of your story and tell it in the order it happened.

Include smells, sounds and textures to give more vivid descriptions. Skip the parts of your life which aren't relevant with phrases such as "For the next five years, all went well..."

End with a couple of paragraphs giving some kind of summary statement - for example that you had a rotten childhood but you're a survivor and now your life is great/you'll make sure your kids never go through that, or now your life is normal like everyone else's, but you'll never forget the amazing events you've described.

Good luck with your writing.

I wrote a long piece about a particular year of my life. No desire to publish it but it has really helped me. What started me off was a particular scene in my life that made me laugh, in my head I thought 'if my mother could see me now' or words to that effect. Start there, 'in the action', explain what was going on and how you felt, whether you wee laughing or crying. It should be the big reveal, the peak of the story.

Then go back and explain what led you to that point.

Then write what it led to, what happened afterwards.

That should start you off. I have 35000 words now and still add to it from time to time as I think of things I haven't explained.

Reading things out loud (In private) is a good way to see if you have explained the sequence of events.

Don't give in to any pressure from your husband. Write it for you as a way of compartmentalising your thoughts. If you're writing to get published and you don't want anyone to read it then it will inhibit you and it won't flow. Just write it for you.

There’s masses of writing guidance you can access for free, OP.

Places like Arvon, Curtis Brown, and Faber always have some information on how to write on their websites - even if one doesn’t want to pay for a course. And then there are free online writing courses from FutureLearn or Coursera.

Beyond those sources, several universities host Life Writing departments and will have material online - some even offer free writing prompts.

Your project sounds interesting - and I suspect if you start writing ‘seriously’ you may eventually want your work to be read by a wider audience.