Anyone use creative writing to grow their confidence in other areas?

[BaeArea]

I had a quick google on this but so many aspiring writers/authors seem to struggle with their confidence in writing itself that I can’t really condense what I’m asking into a Google-able phrase, so maybe if I explain a bit someone can help and share their experience...

I’m a stay-at-home trailing spouse for the next couple of years and am just emerging from the baby fog and complete lack of brain space and personal time stage and am feeling that need to do something creative (I’ve already shabby chic’d all the furniture in the house ) I’ve always struggled with my confidence when it comes to expressing myself verbally and finding it excruciating to share my written work even though (despite?) being very academic and told I write well. Typical girls school product, probably. I’ve been trying to think of ways to challenge myself while out of the work place so that when I return I am not so crippled by this, as it has really held me back and I am so frustrated by it. To be honest, joining a book club and sharing my views on a piece of someone else’s work would be a pretty big deal for me at this stage - hell, you won’t find that many posts from me on here despite being an avid lurker for 5+ years because I find even hiding behind a username is not enough protection - but where I am book clubs are not happening due to Covid at the moment anyway.

But also, a few threads from this forum have popped up while I’ve been browsing Active and I’ve kind of fallen down the rabbit hole. I’ve decided I want to start writing - just for myself, though who doesn’t harbour secret dreams of getting published eventually - and I was wondering if anyone out here has a) started totally from scratch as a 30-something b) overcome their internal critics that tell them not to even bother starting, and c) found it helped them in other areas of their life?

Thanks for reading, apologies for the length but I figure this particular section can handle it?

I had a go at fanfic writing after seeing a thread on here. It's not exactly high brow but I found it useful to bash out a few stories. Mostly because it forces you to write 300-500 words based on an idea of someone else's choosing and to just get it finished. I found it useful to find that I could actually do it and it makes writing for work easier because I approach both the same way. I write a lot of articles and blog posts for work and used to find it really difficult if a) they weren't perfect and b) were a topic I didn't care about. Now I care much less!

That’s exactly where I want to get to! Caring a lot less and being able to finish something, anything and get it out there. I can function at work, though it sounds like I wouldn’t be able to from my OP, I just waste so much emotional energy worrying what people will think of the product and how this will crush my self image if it’s negative I think you’re onto something with the low brow start. My “dream” book is a meticulously researched historical family saga, but I’m so far away from being able to create those worlds and characters I need to start in a more approachable way...

Trashy fanfic is definitely a way to get over yourself! I always wanted to write like Hilary Mantel or The Economist and never started because my ideas weren't good enough. The advantage of fanfic is that all the details of the setting and characters have been done for you so you just have to have one idea that can be realised in that setting. After bashing out a couple of stories in a couple of different styles I now realise that actually even great novels are a series of chapters or scenes and basically each scene is a self contained story. I set myself a challenge each time of writing a dialogue heavy story, or a story with a twist, or lots of suspense, or some romance etc. You just do it one at a time and it builds up. Most importantly, if you don't start, you'll never write anything! Do you remember doing creative writing at school? It was horrible, but actually once you get over the idea that it must be brilliant it is much easier.

Can I ask how long you’ve been writing and what you do with it now? Like, how do you put it out in the world? Blogging? Competitions? Etc? Getting over the “it must be brilliant” thing is a real a-ha! moment for me. I read yesterday that the job of a first draft is just to exist and so I’m fighting with everything I’ve got to just do some actual writing (And not rip it up or delete it after a few days)

I'm in no way an expert! I write a lot of non-fiction professionally but had had my confidence destroyed by some really harsh criticism. For fiction, I only started in lockdown as a challenge to myself. I post it on archive of our own, where most people are very kind. If I publish it it gives me a sense of being responsible to readers. I don't have time to do anything serious with fiction though. This thread is good:

Oops!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4223393-For-lovers-of-fanfiction

Thank you so much for sharing. Your way proves there’s no one way to do it or reason why. Which I knew objectively but when it’s just me and my mind things get a bit unobjective and defeatist so thank you for replying to my first either thread and for showing it’s possible. I’ll check out that link now

Creative writing helped me address my inner demons. I came to realise that my writer's block was caused by a chronic case of imposter syndrome (I carry this in my professional life). I duly worked through the reasons for my imposter syndrome and I'm out the other side. Writing has made me understand my core values AND it has enabled me to understand the importance of creativity in my life. It's been a long process of self-realisation.

So in short, yes, creative writing has helped me understand myself more and even encouraged a blossoming of part of myself that I never knew existed. It didn't, however, improve my self-confidence. In fact, I found writing/critique groups to be so damaging I avoid them at all costs!

Ah. That’s really interesting about the critiques. That’s my gut reaction, but I kind of feel like I maybe need to have the worst said to me, to hear what I think I know other people would say about my writing because I’m kind of optimistic that once the worst has happened I can move forward from it... does that make any sense?

How do you work on improving your writing if not through groups?

I'd say just start writing. Whether it's short stories, how you feel or a longer novel. Don't worry too much about writers' rules or publishability or whatever at first, just write what you want.

I mostly write children's stories. I have short ones I wrote for the children when they were smaller. Then I have some middle grade that I would love to get published and I also have a very long running fantasy children's book that will never see the light of day.
That's my secret indulgence. I have no plans on it getting any further than my computer so I don't need to worry too much about getting it right, overusing the word "slightly" and using ideas that are totally wacky! I know the characters so well that they tell me what they're doing not the other way round.

I also have a few short articles, a mixture of fun, perhaps if I say a little like a blog post, and some which are me de-stressing, when things are difficult I find it a relief to write down how I am really feeling. Again the latter will never be for anyone else's eyes.

What you might find helpful is NaNoWriMo which is where you aim to write 50k words in November. That sounds ridiculous when you write that down, but actually it's 1667 words a day which suddenly doesn't feel so silly. For me, children's books are about 50k, so it works well. There's quite a good community spirit too.

I don't have the nerve for face to face critique groups. I use Scribophile and that's nerve-wracking enough for me. I normally peep at the end of the crit first to check that it's not being slammed! And I've probably learnt far more from criting other people's work than by writing myself.

Good luck!

Poetry for me. Just thought ‘fuck it’ and started sharing on Instagram. People don’t hate it, one is in a print anthology now, and there are loads of prompts and challenges to keep you ticking over.

I did an Arvon online master class and that was great: really worth thirty quid and a couple of hours. I know they do classes for prose stuff as well, I think you’re ready to have a look. ‘Saying it out loud’ by posting here is a big deal, I think. What’s to lose?

Thank you so much. I feel really emotional actually, having just had a stab this nap time at producing something When I write stuff, I like the result and enjoy the process and you guys are making me think I might be able to move myself past this massive stumbling block. Thanks for all the suggestions for courses and other sites - it’s overwhelming when I don’t even know how to show not tell You’re right, saying it out loud is a really big deal. Next goal, put something deliberate out there. And keep on writing.

If you read lots and lots, and you have a shrewd idea of when a book works and when it doesn't, you don't need untrained people picking apart your words. They will always find something at fault. There will be some gold when you pan through it BUT invariably, advice will be polluted with:
They have got up in a bad mood; do not like the look of you; hate your genre/style; fancy someone who doesn't like what you've written; feel they have to say something critical because they are the 'critic'; or worst case, they have ingurgitated a bible on writing lore.
Of course, you may find the Eldorado: a group of people who are friends but not close, have time on their hands but are not professionals, and can diagnose your writing issues. It's a real skill and most people (me included) can't do it well. I do wish you luck though as I know people who have reached Eldorado and it works well for them. I always fall on the other sort sadly!
Addendum: I'm not trying to suggest basics cannot be taught. There are many, many books about that though, and probably a good few writing courses. But really the best advice is if you want to be a writer, just write.

I started by writing a story about a minor character in a story I knew well.
In addition I wrote letters to my local paper. It makes you edit and focus.
Very chuffed when I had a letter published in The Times and had responses from some people who had deep knowledgeable of the subject.

I was facing a major life event and turned to writing to help me process it. I wrote a 75,000 word novel (just for me although I did submit to a few agents with no joy). My confidence was hit initially when agents rejected it but then I realised it was not the standard of writing as such that was in question but the commercialism of the book. I have had it professionally bound/copy edited and I am delighted with the result.

It has been one of the best things I've done. I wrote it whilst my youngest dc took naps (they were pretty lengthy naps and it helped me to focus my time). I was/am a sahm and I realise now, it has helped me to establish a sense of identity and another interest has since spun off it. Like you, I don't have great confidence and not entirely comfortable with people reading my work (though I have also been told I write well). I enjoyed researching my ideas for the book as it stretched me both mentally and creatively (I have been fairly academic in the past). I found editing the book pretty intensive and challenging but finally it is finished.

I have also developed a really good friendship due to having this shared interest, though I am still seeking a writing group to settle into (I have tried one but it didn't suit me so plan to try another soon). In this way, although it is an essentially insular activity there is also the potential for there to be a social element too.

I think the main stay for me is that I write for myself...I am not writing for others as such though due to the theme of the book others might benefit from reading it and this would be utterly rewarding. Also, there is that realisation that not everyone is going to like your writing just as I frequently pick up a book and realise it isn't for me.

I have an idea for a second book but I know how all consuming it can be and for some reason I am not ready to commit to it just yet so instead, I am focusing on writing some articles/poetry relating to my first book for a potential website and researching for the second book.

I am so glad I have regained my love of writing (I used to write a lot as a young child) not least because it has helped my confidence and emotional wellbeing. Wishing you all the best op.

And yes, I find face to face critiquing groups very un-nerving. I want to find a group that concentrates on the social aspect/shared interest rather than being critique driven.

Thanks for sharing, @Agathasfriend15. So impressive that you’ve written the book and persevered through the whole process, and that you’re ultimately okay with the benefits it has brought just for yourself, if nothing else comes of it. Good luck with the second one when you have the time and energy! PS It’s a shame I bet we live nowhere near as you sound like the perfect writers’ group co-founder for me...