Anyone willing to provide some feedback on the begin of my book?

[goodsapphic]

So I started writing something but I have difficulty seeing things that I create objectively. I don't have much self-confidence but I would like to publish a book someday and I am wondering if you think this is good enough and I should carry on, or if it is terrible and I should stop right now. I'll type the first 1000 words below if anyone is willing to critique it. TIA.

@goodsapphic

Thanks *@username4567720* your paragraph is very, very good, and so is your advice.

Thank you. I appreciate it. All the best.

Just keep going, OP. Beginnings are notoriously liable to be cut or altered beyond recognition, so there’s no point getting bogged down in revising them till much later. I do think you need to decide where this is set and look up police procedures, though. It seems deeply implausible that the statement of a crime victim who’s been hit on the head and is unable to identify her assailant is enough evidence to arrest an innocent passerby, far less have them considered dangerous enough to be kept in custody for months.

@GloriousMystery you have just given me an idea. So thank you very much.

It's an interesting idea OP. At the moment it reads more like a synopsis, so a short account of what happened, a bit more like a newspaper report - removed from the situation. But as it's a first draft there's loads you can do to make it more immediate and compelling. Take out some adjectives, show more, use some dialogue - put yourself right in the centre of the situation and describe the physical feelings, what's happening around, sounds and smells, emotions - not just 'exhausted' but how exhaustion makes your body feel - legs shaking, arms weighed down, chest tight etc etc. Agree also about the short sentences. Keep going at it - you sound like you have an interesting plot in there.

I agree with the others, it's a first draft so get your story down and then edit. There is a lot of good advice here around visualisation and sentance structure which can be the difference between a good story and a great one. The final point, already mentioned, is accuracy. I dont believe someone would be hand cuffed, arrested and jailed on a vague account (could have been either shop) from a single person. The evidence against them would need to be more compelling, and even then questioning at the police station would be the first step. You need to know where it's set and follow the procedures for that country.

Its a very good idea. But the writing needs some attention. Its a bit clumsy. Look what user has advised. I would want to know what happened too.