Death in children's books (ages 9 to 12). How graphic?

[themalamander]

Hi all. So, I think I'm in need of a little guidance. Trying to write a rather nasty death, it pretty much sets up the main character's story so it's vital to the plot but how much is too much?

Basically, the character falls off a cliff. I've read many deaths in children's books but seem to be totally blind to this now that I'm trying to put the words on paper.

Well....nothing graphic. A basic description of how the death happens...he fell off the cliff....and then no description of injuries. It's not needed for children this young.

Obviously you're not just going to write "He fell off the cliff" but you don't need to describe blood and guts.

Nima jumped down and ran. She heard him crashing onto the ground behind her but she couldn’t give up. She dived forwards toward the ropes but felt the wind knocked out of her as a heavy weight barrelled into her side. She twisted as she fell and tried to crawl out from under him. He grabbed at her legs but she kicked her way free. During the struggle, she saw a figure hobble out from the trees. “Alex!” she almost sobbed. Getting to her feet, she stumbled backwards. She was dizzy, disoriented, desperate. Her legs wobbled but her feet moved her on. She heard the sounds of a struggle and saw Alex wrestling the man on the ground. She thought she should get a weapon, or some rope they could tie him with but then she felt the movement of loose rocks under her boots. She felt her legs sinking away below her. She heard a shout from Alex, saw him reaching out to her, but when she tried to reach him, her body was wrenched backwards as the world gave way. As she fell, she saw the cliff side rise above her, the waterfall pouring down the rocks, felt the spray covering her face and heard her own voice crying out.

This is a very rough draft of the scene. I feel like it may be too much being from her perspective.

(If it helps, she doesnt actually die, but you dont find that out till the end of the book).

Thats sound great. If she didn't die could you mabie make it look like Alex thinks she is but not explain it if that makes sense. So going back to Alex's character trying to look for her over the cliff but is unable to see her just dust/rocks.
This is why I don't write books 😁

I'm working on sorting it out into something more coherent. I just jotted down my idea for the scene in that slightly jumbled mess!
I want to end it with her falling, and then we time jump to their son 8 years later (the main character) and both his parents are missing/presumed dead. So we dont know what happened to Alex (his dad) or the man who was fighting them, all we know is last we saw them, the mum had fallen.

Are you a member of SCWBI? If not, then worth joining. You’d get useful advice there.

With that age group, yes, it’s going to be an issue. It’s difficult to tell from that passage- I think how it is dealt with in the rest of the book would be key.

Just make sure your main protagonist is a child.

The main character is 12, I cant make him any younger or the story wouldn't work.

It'll jump back a couple of times, to extend their story but I can only give things away from the past as the group of kids stumble onto the clues in the present.

I think I will tone down the fighting part. One of my favourite books in this age range begins with a pilot having a heart attack, grabbing his chest and the boy watching him slump forward and then the plane crashes. It's not too much worse than that if I take out the fighting and just have her fall.

I am not! But I've just looked them up so thank you.

Ace. And that’s The Explorer, I assume? Fabulous book!

Good luck!

Yes! It's a wonderful story. I welled up at the end when the dad came running towards them in his disheveled, unironed clothes. Trying to read it to my kids without bubbling away to myself!

I want to end it with her falling, and then we time jump to their son 8 years later (the main character) and both his parents are missing/presumed dead. So we dont know what happened to Alex (his dad) or the man who was fighting them, all we know is last we saw them, the mum had fallen.

Is the Mum a main character and a POV in the rest of the book? It seems a strange choice to give the reader so much more information than the main character right at the start of the story? And also if she's not an MC with a POV, then again, having presumably an action filled prologue / first chapter from her POV seems like a strange choice to me?

Could it be done better by the reader discovering what has happened along with the MC?

I don't read this genre btw so this could totally be the norm, in which case forgive me just wondering if it could serve as more of a hook by showing the MC discovering the information you're portraying in the above scene as part of the Inciting Incident. Then the reader is wondering what happened at the same time as the character. Wether it's being told to him by somebody else, or he discovers it, or it falls into his lap. If he already knows as much as your are showing in the prologue, could something happen which reminds him of it?

I feel like it may be too much being from her perspective.

Well, it does all need to be from her perspective (unless the boy is witnessing all of this in which case absolutely write the whole thing from his POV).

But I think you are filtering too much and that's maybe what you mean? Passive writing VS active writing. You should consider removing almost all of the "she saw this, she felt that, she heard the sound of".

Hope that helps and good luck with your story

@winched

Thank you. That was very detailed; very much what I needed!

It's going to be multiple points of view, sort of. The main character (the child) will have about 20 chapters told from his point if view. The villain will have a couple of short chapters, as there are a few things he does off screen from the kids but his identity isnt revealed. Just a shady bad guy doing bad guy stuff. And then a few chapters filling out the parents story, as at the end, the group of kids find the parents. (Parents were on expedition, left trapped by villain, kid finds his parent's notes/maps and goes on expedition to finish it for them but ends up finding them, whilst at the same time being sabotaged by the bad guy who is revealed at the end. It's a character we know).

The reader will know things the kids dont, but the surprise isnt finding out what happened to the parents. Its finding out that they are alive and finding out who the bad guy is, which we do at the same time as the kid from his perspective.

It may not work at all; it might have to just change the mechanics of the story but I'm going to try.