Am I sabotaging myself

[NouvelleMamanNouvelleVie]

I've been writing a book for so long. You could conceive a baby and be waving it off to medical school in the time I've been writing this thing.

Sick of faffing now, and desperate to see if it's any good.

So I sent the first 50 pages (which are finished) to a couple of agents, for the first time ever, today.

My heart said, Oh Nouvelle, if one comes back and says I love it! It will spur you on to finish, only about 10% to go. Er, plus edits.

But no. If someone comes back and asks for a full, what will actually happen is I will poop myself because it isn't finished.

What have I done! Do I secretly not want them to ask for it?

Alternatively if they do come back, you can reply, say you're rewriting the ending, would they like what you've got.

If they do come back wanting a full, then you know that you at least have something that has potential and you may find that inspires you to make the final push.

But well done for being brave and sending it.

The important thing is that if they don't ask to see more, you mustn't take it as meaning your book is rubbish and they hate it.

Agents have set requirements for the right way to submit work - in future, you need to find these out and follow them to the letter.

But, right now, get that first draft finished! It's no good your first three chapters being polished to perfection if your story has no ending. At your current rate of progress, your last 10% could take several years. Is that what your book deserves?

Tell yourself this:

It could easily take four months to hear back from an agent.

During those four months, you'll stop endlessly editing and re-editing as you go, you'll stop reading through your favourite chapters and thinking how well-phrased they are, you'll stop reading books and websites on how to do writing, and you'll stop having two-hour phone calls to friends about why you just find it so hard to get any time for your writing.

You will hit the Flight Mode button while you're working on your book, so you won't waste time researching minor details or scrolling through a thesaurus for the perfect words. Instead, you'll focus all your writing time on actual writing - and by the end of the four months, you will get the first draft COMPLETED, however scrappy it might be in places.

Now I'm off to take my own advice!

Fantastic advice, thank you! Peridot your first paragraph is very kind. It's been ten weeks now and I've not heard, not even a quick email so it was nice to read your words.
As for the rest of it, yep. Just replace the phone calls with mumsnetting !!

@NouvelleMamanNouvelleVie, I think your mistake was in looking for validation to keep going with the novel from querying agents, when (a) that's really not what it's for, (b) agents reject brilliant work on a daily basis because it's not what they represent, they already have an author who writes something similar etc etc and (c) sending even finished work you are completely happy with as the best you can currently do off to agents is a frequently soul-sapping experience, as you often never hear back at all. When I found my agent, I think I submitted to six -- had two offers of representation, two 'no thanks' within a few weeks, one I never heard back from at all, and one (very big name) agent asked to see the full MS so belatedly that not only had I signed with my agent, but we had already revised the novel and it had gone out to editors.

It sounds to me like you might benefit from a writing group, or an online critique group. There's a current thread on here about those.

You'll be unlikely to hear a response after sending off a 50 page file. That is not a reflection of your work so dont allow a no response to put you off.

Keep working on that book. You're so almost there, and once it is finished you'll be able to do the exits and maybe get some betas to do some read throughs.

When you're done, you'll want to submit to agents the right way. They'll want a cover letter with comparisons to similar work. Best to send to agents who rep work similar to yours. They'll also want a short summary, and a long summary, an author bio etc. The first chapter and another sample chapter.

Just check what the agent you are contacting actually wants from their submissions.