My writing reads as too rushed!

[IamTheMeg]

Hi everyone, I've written about 40k of my novel, I really believe in the story and think I write pretty well but when I'm editing it seems like something is not quite right.

In a rush to get things down, even when I've tried not to, my writing feels rushed and I feel like I have to pad it out. I'm writing suspense so this really is no good!

I'm guessing description and dialogue would be the obvious ways but I was wondering if anyone else experienced this.

Are there any exercises or books i could try?

Could you give us an extract to look at? Or maybe something not from this particular work so we could get an idea? Personally I hate too much description?
Are you telling instead of showing?

Yes I will come back and post an extract later when I'm in the computer

It feels like I'm constantly moving on too quickly. I don't write a lot of description, I have to force myself to describe basic things sometimes

For example I'd say ' I peered into the room. The boy was fast asleep. His bare feet were poking out from underneath the blanket. I would have to find his some Warmer blankets, perhaps some thick socks. Dad would have some somewhere In the house, I would look later.'

That would be me racing to get the story down. But there I could do so much more- rummage around for the socks, where would I look, describe more of the boy etc. Is he snoring, breathing etc .But as you say not go overboard.

I was taught the most mundane things are hardest to write because we want to give a galloping explanation of the inner workings of the characters mind.
I like what you've written there and I can gather a lot about the character from the extract.

What I'd pick out about that extract is the sentences are all short and snappy, which makes it feel more hurried that it is.
You want to make it more interesting by varying the length of the sentences, but by adding more detail, I think you would naturally do that.

Just trying to expand it:
"I peered into the room to see the boy still fast asleep. His bare feet were poking out from under the blanket. He'd always slept like that, wriggling his toes until they were free. I shivered; the room was icy cold once the fire had gone out. I should find some thick socks for him and maybe some warmer blankets while the snow was still thick on the ground. Dad would have some somewhere In the house. I made a mental note to look later."

A game I used to play with my children is one where you add a bit each time. So you start with "It is a dog" "It is a black dog" "It is a black dog running fast".
You could try doing that with some (not all) of the sentences and see if that slows it down.
Also look at what you've written. Ask yourself why things happen. Does the reader need to know-or does the reason why give a clue about character/plot? If so add it in. "She smiled to see his feet sticking out of baby blankets he refused to give up. She'd have to persuade him to use bigger ones over the winter, or maybe thick socks would work. Tomorrow she'd ask him."

I know this was a quick make up for you, but the other thing I picked up on was why would he need thicker blankets if his feet were poking out. Give a reason why they're poking out-are the blankets too small. Why? Are they his baby ones he refuses to give up? Are they all you can afford? Was it thoughtlessness on your part?
I made it so he kicked the blankets off, that gives you two bits of information-firstly the speaker has known him a long time, and secondly (and probably irrelevantly) he kicks his blankets off while he sleeps.

Yes that's exactly it- I actively avoid writing the mundane things 😧
Thank you

Agree with what witchend suggested but also perhaps describe the room - I peered around the door, the moonlight from the half open curtains spilled across the room and I could see the boy sleeping, his gentle snores clearly audible in the quiet of the night. He lay curled up, his face turned to the wall. I could see his bare feet were poking out from underneath the blanket, soft from being washed so many times over the years, but thin too. He would need thicker ones now winter was coming, and perhaps Dad would have some thick socks he could use. I would look later, but for now I stood quietly, watching him sleep.

Do you have a picture in your head when you write? When I read its like a film in my head, but I know some people see the writing instead - I would imagine that makes it very hard to describe the 'scene' as the brain isn't filling in the gaps already.

There's nothing wrong with a spare style of writing like in that example, IMO. It doesn't read as rushed. You're showing rather than telling, which is the key.

Witchend thank you that is so helpful!

I have a perfect idea of the room, the whole thing is alive in my head which is part of the problem, I'm writing it down quickly, thinking it's great then reading it back and feeling it just seems so rushed. And that's in every scene!

The extract above is not one from the book just a scene I remembered and how I'm generally writing. I don't want to give too much away about the plot 😁😁but she has made the boy a makeshift bed on the floor with her elderly Fathers sheets.

This help is exactly what I'm looking for, I'm writing alone with nobody to talk to about it. I'm so passionate about the story I have to write but feel like some of my writing isn't up to scratch. And I can't pinpoint why to be able to change it.

I'll pop back later and give you a proper extract, I'm writing on scrivener and can't access via my phone.

OK I have a couple of scenes here. I am writing from a number of POV but this is the same person. Being brave

The traffic was terrible today, the road was congested and it felt like there were people crawling around everywhere. I noticed a police van take the turning for the beach and for some reason I began to follow it but I quickly realised that the road was cordoned off with police tape, an officer was standing in front of the cordon. As I turned the car around, I said to him in my plumiest accent “Whatever has happened?” and he told me that a little boy was missing and I mustn’t go down to the beach today because they were looking for evidence. For the second time that day I congratulated myself, I was being clever, the policeman would never suspect me because I didn’t know what had happened, there was no sign of a child in my car and I was well dressed and well spoken. I was the last person the police would suspect of drowning a child- I didn’t have any children of my own, I didn’t even like kids! I put on my best sad face and thanked the officer for everything he was doing for the poor little boy and his Mother and I turned the car around and headed back up to town. I felt accomplished, I could now relax and get some shopping done.

I turned the spiral notebook over and placed it back in the drawer, safe in the knowledge that my secrets would be safe. As I returned the thick piece of cardboard back to the top of the notebook, I noticed some handwriting inside the cover, something written in ink. It was a telephone number and some part of my brain registered recognition. Was it Dad’s old mobile number? It was definitely a number I knew. As I entered the number into my own mobile phone, I wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me and it was one of those strange feelings of dejavu. When I realised that I was wrong, my heart fell into my stomach. I had very few contacts stored in my phone, this was a new phone, an iphone that Dad had bought for me when I came to Cornwall. But there was no mistaking this name. I knew the name, I knew the number, I knew the woman. What I didn’t know was why Francesca's number was written down in a notebook that was in my Dad’s drawer?

I can see from the advice today some of the things I am doing wrong and I need to try and pad some things out.

Just realised I've put safe twice in the second extract

You link lots of clauses together into sentences. Look at the second sentence in your first extract — you have your character notice a police van, AND follow it, AND realise the road is cordoned off, AND that there’s a cop by the cordon. All in the same sentence. And in the next sentence, your character effortlessly turns her car AND simultaneously asks the policeman what’s happened AND registers his quite lengthy response.

That reads like someone rushing to get stuff down in a first draft, who hasn’t really thought yet about detail or the character’s physical or psychological state, and how that affects what she sees, hears etc — is she frightened? Triumphant? (Has she in fact just murdered someone?) How far down the street is cordoned off? Can your character see what search activity is taking place on the beach? Wouldn’t she register something about the policeman’s appearance, especially if she’s feeling guilty? What about laying out their exchange as dialogue?

Thank you that's really helpful and obvious now. This is my first draft and I have rushed to get the ideas down.
I think I need more help in general before I start to edit

Hi OP, I have a similar problem. I like writing narrative fiction and have just started having to write plays. I get extremely carried away with the plot and what I want to happen, and am still poor on writing inofmation like stage directions and what happens to the lights. In my head, I know exactly what I want to have happen (or at least have an ida), but I know I need to slow down.

I hear ya OP! I am doing exactly the same with my first novel. The rush to get the details down means it's just quite bland race through the plot.

BUT I will write as much as I can and then do a redraft with description and texture. I did that with one chapter and doubled the word count. So I think your issue is one shared by many new writers.