Opinions on this book please

[Readthisbookplease]

skybornsite.wordpress.com/

Book is the link above. No fundraising information this time. I am a regular member with a name change. I was not trying to fundraise at all in my last thread which got deleted.

Please can you read the excerpt of the book and let me know your thoughts? Thank you in advance.

Thanks for posting this. I felt the opening was a bit "It was a dark and stormy night " and I had to push myself to get past it.
In short, I felt it needed tightening up. For example "Wearily, Dembei began his climb, wending his way up the incline. ". I wasn't happy with "wending his way" because it felt a bit laboured on top of "Wearily, Dembei began his climb ". Obviously, the walk itself is a physical trial but the description needed sharpening in my view.
It interested me as a world I know little about. I want to know more.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and the feedback. I will pass it on.

I'm not into fiction myself so trying to get helpful feedback for my friend. Thanks again.

Apologies, just realised I posted the thread twice!

Hi,
I like fantasy fiction, so I was looking forward to this.
I agree that the opening paragraph was a bit plodding and uninspiring in its language. A few grammatical errors here and there did distract me. I'd suggest perhaps varying your sentence length to keep the interest flowing, and don't overdo the prose too much. I thought from your description that it was set in Africa, so the reference to white breath as he walked did throw me a bit!
Overall, I quite liked it , but I must admit that it did have a feeling of the text from a fantasy game like Skyrim, which made me wonder if that was an influence?