Finding my secret sister

Travelfairy · 2025-09-02T12:40:24+00:00

Posting here as specific to Ireland.. Long story short. Dad died 4 years ago. Few months after death a solicitor letter arrived seeking contact with me and siblings from his daughter from an affair. Letter went to my Mother, she destroyed it but I saw it briefly first. Mother says Dad alluded that family of his 'partner' were dodgy people. I have no idea if this is true or whether my mother has just said this to try put us off making contact, she is very much against it. I know her name, address etc is there public records anywhere that might show if any criminality etc I would like to open some level of contact but not if its going to invite in a world of trouble. I understand its a gamble either way but would feel better if I did some sort of background check if you can call it that first....

CheeseDanish · 02/09/2025 14:00

What advice are you looking for, though? I don't think you can run a garda check as a private individual on someone else, for instance. And obviously, all that would show anyway is whether an individual had a criminal record in the jurisdiction.

Isn't a more pressing issue whether your mother will be terribly upset if you contact your half-sibling against her wishes?

Original poster

Travelfairy · 02/09/2025 14:35

Yes, you are right, I've posted a separate thread about that in the past! 🙈 I haven't made a concrete decision but obviously if a family of gangsters that would affect my decision regardless of any other reasons....

OP posts:

Suednymph · 04/09/2025 21:41

You can try check yourself through social media or whatever but we dont have this claires law stuff in Ireland so no register of so to speak but as we are an island just googling names will give you some idea.

deckchairmayhem · 04/09/2025 21:51

A solicitors letter? That's quite formal isn't it? Is it possible you and siblings are being approaching in regard to his will? Just a thought.

Silverbirchleaf · 04/09/2025 21:58

Could you contact the solicitor?

I wondered about the will as well, although I presume the solicitor would have pursued this? (Unless all left to your mum, rather than wife and ‘children’).

Original poster

Travelfairy · 05/09/2025 09:15

Silverbirchleaf · 04/09/2025 21:58

Could you contact the solicitor?

I wondered about the will as well, although I presume the solicitor would have pursued this? (Unless all left to your mum, rather than wife and ‘children’).

Everything left to wife. So apparently she is not entitled to anything. I personally think she is and when it eventually comes to me i would happily give her a portion...

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Original poster

Travelfairy · 05/09/2025 09:15

deckchairmayhem · 04/09/2025 21:51

A solicitors letter? That's quite formal isn't it? Is it possible you and siblings are being approaching in regard to his will? Just a thought.

Yeah i thought formal. We had never heard from them before that...

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Dontlletmedownbruce · 06/09/2025 00:22

I think leave it. You are playing with fire. Its up to you though. You could get a private investigator if you really want to do a background check.

mathanxiety · 06/09/2025 01:07

You could hire a private detective to do a little research.

I think you should - if your dad wasn't concocting a story to keep you all apart, it would be a good idea to understand what sort of people they are, because one day your mum's will will become an issue.

It's up to you to see your half sibling if you wish.

Anonentity · 06/09/2025 01:55

I’d hire a PI 😂.
See what they find and make an informed decision

Original poster

Travelfairy · 06/09/2025 19:22

mathanxiety · 06/09/2025 01:07

You could hire a private detective to do a little research.

I think you should - if your dad wasn't concocting a story to keep you all apart, it would be a good idea to understand what sort of people they are, because one day your mum's will will become an issue.

It's up to you to see your half sibling if you wish.

Edited

Do you think it will become an issue when my Mum dies? My Mum said she was told sister would have no claim on it as my Dad chose who he left everything to. Not that he left much!

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KrystalKrystal · 06/09/2025 21:32

By all means make contact if that's what you truly want but be very careful and under no illusion everything will be like those lovely family reunions we see on TV.

I had a situation where a secret sibling no one knew anything about (my parents were already broken up before my dad and her mum got together, dad claims it wasn't serious, as he was seeing my half brothers mum at the time) turned up out of the blue at my nans house. At first it was lovely as being the youngest I always wanted a younger sibling. However, it soon turned sour as that sibling was jealous and upset they'd been hidden, only one a DNA test was done on and that us three other siblings had a very close relationship with his family.

That sibling then proceeded to make my life pure hell, even though I was the only sibling to embrace and have a relationship with them. My other two siblings refused to have anything to do with them. I ended up having to move to a new property and change my number as sibling became threatening and attempted to attack me once! It came out they'd even physically attacked their own mother before.

I'm not saying this will be your situation as there are countless stories of it all working out between siblings meeting. However, just be very careful and even distant. Don't be like me and just let them into your life right away. All the best

Original poster

Travelfairy · 14/09/2025 23:04

KrystalKrystal · 06/09/2025 21:32

By all means make contact if that's what you truly want but be very careful and under no illusion everything will be like those lovely family reunions we see on TV.

I had a situation where a secret sibling no one knew anything about (my parents were already broken up before my dad and her mum got together, dad claims it wasn't serious, as he was seeing my half brothers mum at the time) turned up out of the blue at my nans house. At first it was lovely as being the youngest I always wanted a younger sibling. However, it soon turned sour as that sibling was jealous and upset they'd been hidden, only one a DNA test was done on and that us three other siblings had a very close relationship with his family.

That sibling then proceeded to make my life pure hell, even though I was the only sibling to embrace and have a relationship with them. My other two siblings refused to have anything to do with them. I ended up having to move to a new property and change my number as sibling became threatening and attempted to attack me once! It came out they'd even physically attacked their own mother before.

I'm not saying this will be your situation as there are countless stories of it all working out between siblings meeting. However, just be very careful and even distant. Don't be like me and just let them into your life right away. All the best

Thank you so much for replying. I'm sorry to hear of your experience..I still haven't done anything further. I'm constantly torn

OP posts:

Original poster

Travelfairy · 14/09/2025 23:04

KrystalKrystal · 06/09/2025 21:32

By all means make contact if that's what you truly want but be very careful and under no illusion everything will be like those lovely family reunions we see on TV.

I had a situation where a secret sibling no one knew anything about (my parents were already broken up before my dad and her mum got together, dad claims it wasn't serious, as he was seeing my half brothers mum at the time) turned up out of the blue at my nans house. At first it was lovely as being the youngest I always wanted a younger sibling. However, it soon turned sour as that sibling was jealous and upset they'd been hidden, only one a DNA test was done on and that us three other siblings had a very close relationship with his family.

That sibling then proceeded to make my life pure hell, even though I was the only sibling to embrace and have a relationship with them. My other two siblings refused to have anything to do with them. I ended up having to move to a new property and change my number as sibling became threatening and attempted to attack me once! It came out they'd even physically attacked their own mother before.

I'm not saying this will be your situation as there are countless stories of it all working out between siblings meeting. However, just be very careful and even distant. Don't be like me and just let them into your life right away. All the best

Thank you so much for replying. I'm sorry to hear of your experience..I still haven't done anything further. I'm constantly torn...

OP posts:

Original poster

Travelfairy · 14/09/2025 23:04

KrystalKrystal · 06/09/2025 21:32

By all means make contact if that's what you truly want but be very careful and under no illusion everything will be like those lovely family reunions we see on TV.

I had a situation where a secret sibling no one knew anything about (my parents were already broken up before my dad and her mum got together, dad claims it wasn't serious, as he was seeing my half brothers mum at the time) turned up out of the blue at my nans house. At first it was lovely as being the youngest I always wanted a younger sibling. However, it soon turned sour as that sibling was jealous and upset they'd been hidden, only one a DNA test was done on and that us three other siblings had a very close relationship with his family.

That sibling then proceeded to make my life pure hell, even though I was the only sibling to embrace and have a relationship with them. My other two siblings refused to have anything to do with them. I ended up having to move to a new property and change my number as sibling became threatening and attempted to attack me once! It came out they'd even physically attacked their own mother before.

I'm not saying this will be your situation as there are countless stories of it all working out between siblings meeting. However, just be very careful and even distant. Don't be like me and just let them into your life right away. All the best

Thank you so much for replying. I'm sorry to hear of your experience..I still haven't done anything further. I'm constantly torn...

OP posts:

Original poster

Travelfairy · 14/09/2025 23:04

KrystalKrystal · 06/09/2025 21:32

By all means make contact if that's what you truly want but be very careful and under no illusion everything will be like those lovely family reunions we see on TV.

I had a situation where a secret sibling no one knew anything about (my parents were already broken up before my dad and her mum got together, dad claims it wasn't serious, as he was seeing my half brothers mum at the time) turned up out of the blue at my nans house. At first it was lovely as being the youngest I always wanted a younger sibling. However, it soon turned sour as that sibling was jealous and upset they'd been hidden, only one a DNA test was done on and that us three other siblings had a very close relationship with his family.

That sibling then proceeded to make my life pure hell, even though I was the only sibling to embrace and have a relationship with them. My other two siblings refused to have anything to do with them. I ended up having to move to a new property and change my number as sibling became threatening and attempted to attack me once! It came out they'd even physically attacked their own mother before.

I'm not saying this will be your situation as there are countless stories of it all working out between siblings meeting. However, just be very careful and even distant. Don't be like me and just let them into your life right away. All the best

Thank you so much for replying. I'm sorry to hear of your experience..I still haven't done anything further. I'm constantly torn...

OP posts:

Original poster

Travelfairy · 14/09/2025 23:04

KrystalKrystal · 06/09/2025 21:32

By all means make contact if that's what you truly want but be very careful and under no illusion everything will be like those lovely family reunions we see on TV.

I had a situation where a secret sibling no one knew anything about (my parents were already broken up before my dad and her mum got together, dad claims it wasn't serious, as he was seeing my half brothers mum at the time) turned up out of the blue at my nans house. At first it was lovely as being the youngest I always wanted a younger sibling. However, it soon turned sour as that sibling was jealous and upset they'd been hidden, only one a DNA test was done on and that us three other siblings had a very close relationship with his family.

That sibling then proceeded to make my life pure hell, even though I was the only sibling to embrace and have a relationship with them. My other two siblings refused to have anything to do with them. I ended up having to move to a new property and change my number as sibling became threatening and attempted to attack me once! It came out they'd even physically attacked their own mother before.

I'm not saying this will be your situation as there are countless stories of it all working out between siblings meeting. However, just be very careful and even distant. Don't be like me and just let them into your life right away. All the best

Thank you so much for replying. I'm sorry to hear of your experience..I still haven't done anything further. I'm constantly torn...

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 15/09/2025 04:42

Travelfairy · 06/09/2025 19:22

Do you think it will become an issue when my Mum dies? My Mum said she was told sister would have no claim on it as my Dad chose who he left everything to. Not that he left much!

Show quote history

If your dad is already deceased, his will executed and any bequests dispersed, then it probably wouldn't be an issue at all. You could check with a solicitor just to be doubly sure.

Original poster

Travelfairy · 15/09/2025 08:35

mathanxiety · 15/09/2025 04:42

If your dad is already deceased, his will executed and any bequests dispersed, then it probably wouldn't be an issue at all. You could check with a solicitor just to be doubly sure.

Show quote history

Thank you, I might well do that. Thanks

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DeliaOwens · 07/10/2025 10:29

Nope. i know of a person who had similar experience to you, wanted to be nice and it all blew up in her face and she rues the day…the legal bills nearly ruined her

If you make contact it is proof positive you knew of her and recognised her half sibling relationship with you. Then, when your Mum dies, there will be a claim on the estate.

Be satisfied with your life as is.

Original poster

Travelfairy · 07/10/2025 10:54

DeliaOwens · 07/10/2025 10:29

Nope. i know of a person who had similar experience to you, wanted to be nice and it all blew up in her face and she rues the day…the legal bills nearly ruined her

If you make contact it is proof positive you knew of her and recognised her half sibling relationship with you. Then, when your Mum dies, there will be a claim on the estate.

Be satisfied with your life as is.

Oh gosh really? I wasnt aware of that 😳.

I am getting really conflicting information (even from legal) regarding this. My Dad left everything to my Mum. Afaik she hasn't made a will despite me suggesting multiple times 😡😡 so can my half sister make a claim on that?

OP posts: