Abrupt or aggressive NI accent

[Bookishnerd]

Bout Ye, mumsnetters. Please help. I’ve had a work thing lately where one of my colleagues said I was abrupt and aggressive. I was floored - that was absolutely not my intention and I was genuinely surprised. It came from nowhere. Trying to work out where the miscommunication has sprung from and someone said that maybe it was my NI accent?

I’ve been away from Ireland a long time so it’s much softer than it used to be, more Gloria Hunniford than Ian Paisley. But could that be misconstrued as aggressive? Anyone else had similar experiences?

I'm sure I'll be slaughtered for this - I'm originally from the continent (tho' been here over 20 years), and do find the general NI accent very aggressive and rough sounding.

(Even when it's not addressed to me, it just sounds unpleasant, aesthetically - like the opposite of how Italian or French would sound to me (I'm neither of those).)

I love the NI accent. Probably because I had a gloriously handsome and charming vet from NI.

It’s usually caused by a bit of casual xenophobia in my experience! Don’t take it personally OP - you’re not the problem, they are.

Are you quite direct? Women are often labelled aggressive when they're being direct. Just be polite and professional (which I'm sure you are).

I've also had this recently at work, and my accent isn't at all Irish (although my vocabulary is). From two separate women about the same age as me over an 18 month period.

I spoke to a senior manager who has a lot of experience dealing with people, and he said it happens a lot to middle-aged women. Because we've got to an age where we're comfortable and confident in our role, and people don't like women in authority, and for whatever reason the most frequent complaints come from other middle-aged women.

It could be the accent, I suppose, playing a part. A very strong NI accent can sound harsh. But I think it's much more likely to be your combination of age and sex. In that case, I'd suggest breezily carrying on as you have been and screw the people who can't cope with a professional woman. Although that's precisely the attitude that upsets them.

I think people do make assumptions a LOT based on accent. I have an accent often considered to be unattractive / stupid and it’s amazing how openly biased some people are.

FWIW I love a Northern Ireland accent. Make sure you hold onto it!

I worked with lots of NI people and initially found the same. But it really is just the accent. I used to have the same said of me, i have a faint Liverpool accent. It's a "them" problem.

Where are you working op?
It might have nothing to do with your (lovely) accent and all to do with your colleague. Do they fall into the "snowflake" category?

I think for British people of a certain age some N. Ireland accents are associated with the Troubles? Personally I like the accents - they can vary quite a lot.

But one can acclimatise to any accent I think? I used to dislike the English Midlands accent - always like a Scouser with a grievance. But now I'm more tuned into their sense of humour.

A strong NI accent can sound a bit abrupt and in-your-face. (I'm from Belfast, don't hurt me.) If you have had this feedback/response from multiple people and you want to do something about it, making a point of smiling and occasionally joking does an awful lot to take the edge off. I have a major case of resting bitch face and I used to get called "abrupt" all the time, but since I trained myself to smile more it rarely happens. But you're also free to decide it's one person's problem, and/or that you don't care.

You make my point exactly!

It's mysogyny, I suspect. Are you not being the tall, slim, ornate, silent, pretty ornament that society expects?

Next time, ask them to explain.

This will be annoyingly vague but bear with me 😂 (I'm also from NI if that makes any difference)

There was a chat show guest who joked about the NI (maybe specifically Belfast?) accent being the only accent where it sounds more threatening spoken quietly. Phrase he used to exemplify this was "I wouldn't continue that if I was you" and also how debt collection / HMRC call centres are better when based in NI because when you get a phone call with that accent and you're told "you owe us money," you pay up.

In all seriousness, as PP have said this strikes me as being more misogyny than anything else.

I think there are 2 separate questions.

If a colleague said that to me, I think I would go back to them and ask them to unpick it a little bit and find out what they perceived to be abrupt and aggressive, and if they had suggestions about how I could have conveyed the same information less abruptly.
You don't have to take that advice on board, but you would at least be aware what it is she was talking about.

Separately from that, I think there are very different accents from NI.
Ian Paisley and Arlene Foster definitely come across as aggressive and like they are attacking whoever they speak to each time they open their mouths. But I made a friend a couple of years ago who left NI some 25 years ago, and I could listen to her talk all day long. She has SUCH a lovely accent.

To me it is like saying 'a Scottish accent', when a Glaswegian accent (to my ears) sounds aggressive, but some other Scottish accents are like music.

<Realises I have probably upset more people than I intend to here..... if it helps, I come from an area where the accent is regularly mocked >

I saw this but can't remember who the guest was - it's really bugging me now 🤣 (obviously that 'now' is being said in a strong Belfast accent... 😉)

I'm going to guess it was Liam Neeson or Jamie Dornan!

True, or Jimmy Nesbitt 🤣

He's not intimidating enough 🤣

Ah sure, he tries!!

This is the clip you’re looking for, it’s Russell Kane on the blame game

Brilliant, thank you!

That's funny.
I've not seen that before.

This! I used to get it all the time. I became hyper aware of my accent in certain situations. I didn’t ever feel like I could angry or upset in my accent. Also the arsehole at work used to call me Ian Paisley a lot.

I'm Irish and think some Northern Irish sound more agressive and abrilupt 5han intented but it really depends on the person.

Derry being the absolute exception, it's a fantastic accent.

I'm from the 26 counties now living in the uk. My manager apparently finds me "intimidating" and "aggressive"- my accent not my words as everything has been via email !