Vulnerable adult advice

[Norniron24advice]

Hi all. I've changed my name and some details but I would really appreciate some advice.

I no longer live home in Northern Ireland and don't really understand the systems here.

My aunt has dementia. There are tough issues and it's a very complicated situation. She lives with husband. He has been abusive all the years to her, an absolute controller.

She wanders and leaves the flat, found at all hours outside. She's had falls outside and is v frail. She has lost alot of weight in the past 18 months and never leaves the flat. Her children have been banned from the flat by her husband so she doesn't have any visitors. She sits inside all day, as he barks orders at her.

Her husband often refuses her carers into the flat as they have made reports of concerns around how he speaks to and treats her, concerns around lack of food in house.

She is so unhappy and any time I visit, she cries that she is so lonely and wants to end it. She has asked repeatedly to go into care and I know that she has previously told this to a dementia advocate.

He had an accident and been hospitalised. There is no close family nearby and she has been moved into a home. I visited ladt week and she is so happy, loving the company, the activities, the staff, the food. Everything.

She was out on a walk when I arrived with staff. Unaided which I haven't seen for years.
She kept saying how content and happy and safe she feels.

I called the home to have a chat with her today but she was so distressed as she has to go home. Her husband is Demanding her back, she doesn't want to upset him and now says she has to go.
The home say they are not allowed to keep as she wishes to go back and her care manager agrees.

I am struggling to see how a vulnerable adult who wants to be there, is obviously in the best place for her can have her wishes overridden.

I have been given a number of a care manager to call.
I am trying to work out if a care manager is the same as a social worker. can anyone advise?

I tried to edit to say dhe never leaves the flat to socialise, attend the groups and activities she used to. He doesn't allow visitors.

I'm sorry about your aunt. These might be helpful:

Adult Protection Gateway Team
Contact this team if you suspect abuse, exploitation, or neglect of an adult, or if you are an adult in need of protection. You can call them on 028 9504 1744 from 9 AM to 5 PM. Outside of these hours, you can call the emergency social work service on 028 9504 9999.

Northern Trust Adult Protection Safeguarding Team
You can contact this team by calling 028 9441 3659 or emailing [email protected].

Regional Emergency Social Work service
You can call this service on 0800 1979995 outside of normal working hours.

Action on Elder Abuse
You can call this service on 0808 808 8141 from 9 AM to 5 PM, Monday to Friday. You can also email them at [email protected].

Thank you. I don't know if a care manager is a social worker but whomever they are, knows the home situation. No.power of attorney has been sought or granted as yet so whilst she has dentist, has capacity. I also thought the dementia advocate would represent her best interests?

I should say he pressurised in the past to stop contact with the advocate after she reported that my aunt wanted to go to a home.

I am so worried for her but will try those numbers in the morning.

OP I would contact everyone it was possible to contact regarding my aunt. Phone everyone and get them all on the case. I would contact the police and my local MP and get her away from that man.

The Care Manager sounds like the manager of the home, though I could be wrong. Contact them anyway and get as much advice as you can.

Also:Age NI Advice ServiceFreephone 0808 808 7575Available Monday - Friday 9am-5pm

Thank you.
She is safe tonight and the manager of the home said that it may take time to sort out her care package to return so it might give me time. They were upset at how distressed she was and that she had settled so well.

The care manager is a different role. They work for a care company but are based in a health centre so I'm not sure if health and social services trust contract out social work services?

I'll do my best for her tomorrow.

I've looked up the role and the only job description I can find is one of a home care manager.

I'm glad you've got some time. All the best and post back if you need further help.

Dear OP, I've just read your posts, and although I've no practical info to give, unlike the other wise and informative posters who've given you good advice, I'm sending you so much admiration and good wishes, you are being an absolute star to your aunt.

I lived in the UK while parents and aunts and uncles at home in Ireland reached the age where they were frail and needed help, and it was so very difficult to try to look after them from across the sea. It is draining, and I hope you can manage to look after yourself a bit in the midst of this really distressing situation with your aunt.

I learnt that there is only so much you can do and handing over the responsibility to professionals is often the best for both sides. I found that my parents got less official support because they had me, whereas aunts and uncles who had no children were immediately 'enrolled' in the system and got much more help and support.

I hope you manage to get the help you need in supporting your aunt.
She is lucky to have you.

Hi to those who read or responded.

A quick update.

My aunt was taken back to her house.
He has allowed carers jn twice a day to give her meds so there is some external contact.

I have made so many phone calls and spent hours waiting for people to get back. All v frustrating as it seems people find it hard to understand that my uncle is still an incredibly controlling man. I have been told repeatedly that he wants her home to care for her.

I have only got to speak with her twice. She isn't great at working her phone. Both times she was distressed saying she doesn't think home is good for her and she needs to go back to being cared for.

I have been told that robust evidence is now needed to prove that her home environment is no longer best for her.

I'm not sure what exactly that needs to be but intend to keep a record of calls/ missed calls and send it through. I don't have a direct line for care manager / social work and can only leave messages with switchboard for a return call. I am going to type up what has been happening and post it as j don't have an email address.

I feel.my concerns have been dismissed but will keep trying.

Have social services been to see her?

They were with her on Thursday. They said she was confused and asking to return to the home but they wanted to give her time to settle back.

She's got dementia so it's very difficult.

However there are witnesses to his behaviour, her children who have been banned and will have experienced his behaviour and the carers who have reported concerns.She's also lost a lot of weight.Staff at the home have witnessed her not wanting to go back.

Did you contact Action on Elder Abuse? The Alzheimer's Society and Age NI would also be helpful. How about her local MP? They may be able to put pressure on social services to speed things up.