Ireland is a hard place to live

[Mooshamoo]

Just watching the video of the black child being not given a medal by Irish gymnastics.

I was wondering if there is anyone else on here on craicnet, who is not Irish, living in Ireland. What your experiences are.

I think that Ireland can be a very hard place to live if you are not fully white and fully irish.

I'm half Irish. I was bullied all the way through school for not having an Irish surname. Then when I grew up and lived in the same small town, all of the same girls from my school were living in that town. And as adults they refused to talk to me.

I see the women who are fully Irish, being popular , having great lives.

To be totally acceptable and popular in ireland, you have to have a rich family, brothers/father who play gaa etc.

All the rich girls in my school hung around together. And again as adults all the rich Irish women hung around together in small town Ireland.

If you were foreign, from a single parent family, seen as poor, you were not accepted at all.

And it's who you know

I think this makes Ireland a very difficult place to live

@JustAMum2003 Why shouldn't I suggest autism if I see the red flags? I'm an autistic adult, my autism was missed until I was in my mid 20s. And actually it makes trauma and anxiety etc feel so much more intense than a typical person would feel it. And I say that from experience.

I felt exploring it could potentially help OP untangle her trauma. It's not an insult. As I said before i am autistic myself. And there is no shame in it. It was a suggestion not a diagnosis.

If you feel it's an insult to suggest that someone has red flags of ASD and explaining that it can hinder medication and therapy working... then maybe you should explore why you feel autism is shameful?

And for what it's worth, you said it's insensitive because not all people with ASD have rigid thinking. We do. You literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't experience rigid and/or repetitive thinking.

I don't want to go into my entire personal life but I struggled a lot with managing trauma pre diagnosis because my brain is different and I didn't know. I will always flag ASD if I see it because I know just how hard life can be when you're not the same and nothing anyone tells you to do works. It's hell on earth. And because nobody understood I lost everyone and it was an incredibly lonely torturous place to be. Diagnosis helped me build my life back up.

I have debated over posting this as like you, don't want to get drawn into an Internet debate etc.
But feel you've gotten stick for something I was thinking myself so I should put my money where my mouth is.
Perhaps people with experience of ASD see familiar traits - whether that comes from themselves or children/ loved ones and it resonated?
I certainly have.
And most of my family is ND so not something I placing any stigma on, not insulting or Internet diagnosing anyone.
Just seeing a familiar pattern of behaviour.
I'm on wait list for diagnosis myself

@Fruitandclottedcream I've just read your full post and it resonates so much.
I'm in my 40s, have been considering the fact I'm possibly ND for the last couple of years and have gone on a wait list for diagnosis.
I have always felt like an alien, everyone but me could overcome trauma and reach their potential but not me.
Slowly coming to terms with the possibility that I'm not defective, that quite possibly I process trauma differently.
And that's why my life has been so hard. Despite me trying valiantly for it not to be

@WaveyGodshawk You're not defective. I promise ❤️. And I'm glad my story has resonated with you and hopefully helped you feel less alone. That's why I share. Because between undiagnosed Autism and undiagnosed ADHD, I spent over 20 years in emotional turmoil. Because everything is processed differently and everything feels "more". I spent so much of my life feeling like I was behind a pane of glass.

If you would like to talk more about this, I'm happy for you to message me ❤️

@Fruitandclottedcream I am so so sorry I have upset you with my comments - my words obviously didn’t come across the way I had meant. I have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about with ASD.
dealing with ASD diagnosis here so that’s where my understanding of the point re rigidity came from (we’ve been told it’s not always a symptom but we are under a different medical jurisdiction so that might have something to do with it, not sure).
so I’m really sorry if I offended you. I’m sorry to hear all you’ve been through and I’m glad you’ve got a diagnosis and things are starting to feel more sense to you. Take care.

@WaveyGodshawk i feel this too. My brother got diagnosed as ADHD in his 30s, i often wonder if i am too. No idea how i'd get a diagnosis, or if it would be worth it at this stage.

@JustAMum2003 Thank you for your apology. It's really hard to gage tone on the internet. I hope you find the support you need with all things diagnosis related

Take care x

To lighten the mood somewhat, is anyone watching the Late Late? I really like PK but it's dreadful altogether. My H is getting irate!

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/sep/30/young-gymnast-ireland-racism-black-child

this article seems very relevant to the thread, particularly the reference to denial by Irish people being one of the hardest things to deal with.

Yes it's the denial by many Irish people that I find really hard to deal with too!

It's easy for them to say : this doesn't happen, there's no issue.

When I feel like my life and many other people lives have been totally ruined by racism/xenophobia in Ireland.

I can't get my life back. And I feel like a lot of it was ruined. I didn't deserve all the abuse /hatred/discrimination that I got in Ireland.

I was just chatting to someone last week who was crying about all the discrimination that she feels she goes through in workplaces.she said in her particular workplace, that the Irish people all stick together and look down on everyone else.

This is when you start to feel left out and shunned everywhere you go.

Instead of going on the defensive and saying this doesn't happen, please look and see that people are having terrible really awful lives.

And think, can you do better. Can ireland as acountry be more open to other people

I wouldn't write that if I genuinely didn't feel heartbroken myself, and I'm suffering myself so much. It's very hard to live in a place where you get abused so much.

See in that article above in the guardian that lady wrote, that when she was a teenager

-, an Irish mother gathered a group of girls together, and told them not to be friends with her, because "she wasnt suitable to be friends with a group of Irish girls".

That's happened to me so many times. Don't talk to mooshamoo because she's english. She's not suitable for you to be friends with etc. It's very hurtful

I'm just so sad and drained from it.

Taoiseaxh Leo varadkar has said that he has seen a rise in racism in Ireland.

He said that he is aiming to implement hate crime legislation. So that racist people can actually be charged and convicted. That is the only way this is going to stop.

If they take racism and xenophobia more seriously in Ireland.

There needs to be racism training in schools/workplaces and sports organisations in Ireland.

If foreigners are looked down on, left out or racially abussed, it needs to be taken very seriously and the people doing it need to be charged with hate crimes.

Taking it seriously is the way to change this.

Leo varadkar says that he is bringing in hate crime legislation to help stop racist abuse in Ireland.

@felisha54 I actually do , it’s a ridiculously beautiful in places and the scenery is so so unique. I love how down to earth and able to chat everyone is. There’s a wealth of history here and it’s a fantastic place in so many ways. I’m very proud to be Irish , fluent in the Irish language and love our history and culture. Every point I made i stand by . At work the last day a woman was slagging off a nun (they had fckn organized to come in to talk about meditation or something) , the whole thing descended into a slagging off of the Catholic Church and nuns, everyone of those doing the slagging had their kids in the communion gear , up the altar at occasions (my dh and I don’t partake in religious stuff with our kids) , the absolute hypocrisy. I also stand 100 percent by what I said re nepotism particularly in education jobs , it’s absolutely disgraceful. Totally unfair i those who turn up to interviews, many who are well qualified but don’t have the “connections” . Time it was called out more , people don’t like talking about it as everyone knows it’s exists and many have benefited. There’s also hide lack of accountability in public sector jobs like hse and many on big salaries, permanent contracts doing sweet fa.
Also just look at the reaction to housing refugees who are white Ukrainians vs other nationalities whose countries are also absolutely fckt . Look at the state of Afghanistan (I’d argue the situation is potentially worse than in Ukraine ) yet for some bizarre reason they are helped less 🤷‍♀️ I know this for a fact , Ukrainians can drive here much easier (they are given a waiver) etc etc . It’s definitely made me think re. race etc . A place in Clare protested against refugees moving into a centre near then (happened to be men not from Ukraine), yet loads of Ukrainians openly welcomed nearby and there’s plenty of Ukrainian men too not at all just women and children. Feels racially motivated the reaction tbh. Op are you white English or I’m assuming by how hard it is are you black or mixed race ?

I'm white and half English, half Irish.

Though more English I suppose as I was born in England and then moved to Ireland.

I have an English father, Irish mother.

You would think that having an Irish mother would stop me from getting abuse, but it didn't. I still got loads of abuse.

In fact a lot of the mixed race people now in Ireland, have one Irish parent and one non Irish parent. They are still seen as "other" ans foreign despite having an Irish parent.

Leo Varadkar, the taoiseach has an Indian father and an Irish mother. He was born in Ireland . He says that people ask him when is he going back to India.

I just wanted to jump on and say i’m sorry you’re having to deal with people gaslighting your lived experience. I’m sorry it’s so tough for you and hope you can be somewhere that feels better for you.

It's not only Irish though, children are arseholes to other children. I was a (Irish , poor, culchie) nerd so got picked on and called names, pretty lucky I didn't care too much .
Ireland has become so multicultural that I now have an Irish friend, who works in a global team where all the others are from one country, half in Ireland and half there. My friend has been left behind in promotions, asked to carry the can more with less rewards. So much while they all have each other's back. So culturally, it's there in all races, that want to look after your own tribe.

I don't think anyone has claimed that Ireland is some kind of utopia where no bigotry exists. Of course it's appalling when someone is subject to racism or xenophobia and that kind of behaviour should be condemned.

But the OP is posting in quite an extreme way, very black and white thinking, and getting argumentative and defensive with anyone who challenges with her generalisations, or who offers suggestions she doesn't like.

The lived experience she speaks of @Ceramicmug239 is being treated badly, and she assumes it's because she wasn't rich, wasn't involved in GAA and didn't have an Irish name. Several people (including me) who were in a similar position have pointed out that this is unlikely to be the root cause of the issue.

It's clear from OP's interactions on here and on other threads that she is very quick to take offense and accuse people of bullying her, even people who have shown kindness and concern for her wellbeing. This may be a factor in 'real life' too. I think people do have empathy for her as she's clearly had a lot of trauma in her past, but her perceptions are skewed and her need for validation of every slight she's feeling isn't helping her. Then add in the defensiveness and people become exasperated.

I hope things improve OP but change has to start with you.

Jesus.

Someone was kind to me, and for her being kind to me, I got attacked in response.

Maybe look at your own behaviour @wfhconfusion

Instead of saying "no one is saying that Ireland is some sort of utopia where racism doesn't exist".

What do you think that we in Ireland can do practically to help stop racism.

A lot of studies have shown that racism has increased in Ireland.

Leo varadkar has said that racism has increased.

What do you think we can do to improve on this?

It's not my intention to attack you, but it's not helping to blame everyone around you for your unhappiness. I think you need to untangle your traumas in a constructive way in order to move forward and live a happier life. I hope you can do that.

Eh? You told me you were Irish on another thread You accused me of being racist because I didn't believe you were Irish 🙄

You left a bit out of what happened.

I remember specifically telling you on that other thread, that I was born in England and I moved in Ireland.

Remember how you kept saying to me over and over "you weren't born in Ireland were you"?

And I said "no I wasn't. I was born in England to an Irish mother. We moved to ireland. I live in Ireland now and I have an Irish passport. Which makes me an Irish citizen"

Yes, you eventually told me you were born in England after a lot of back and forth, but you made it clear you were definitely Irish, now apparently you're more English than Irish 😂