Making friends middle aged

[Beansí]

This isn't a particularly Irishcentric situation but thought I'd put it in craicnet as more Irish specific advice is probably better. I'm 42 and I'm married with family in a regional town in Leinster. I lived away from Ireland for a few years. As a result, when I came back, I'd lost touch with friends and don't really have a circle as such. I didn't grow up where I live and moved here a few years ago. I have a few local friends but realistically they're more like acquaintances. I did try to have a closer friendship with one woman but she politely resisted attempts to meet up much. She seems to want a friendship just to keep abreast of any gossip. I feel like I've been burned over the last few years and I have fallen into this kind of culture of having local acquaintances rather than close friends. It's a bit lonely. In one way, I do think it's the stage of life I'm at too. People are busy with families. I only have one close friend but she lives very far away. I had a miscarriage recently and only told her. I just feel like my friends in Ireland are disingenuous and I can't trust them. Just wondering if anyone relates to this at all.

I wouldn't say untrustworthy! But most Irish people living in Ireland have a solid group of long term friends, as well as family fairly close at hand. They can be friendly without being on the lookout for any new friendship commitments, if that makes sense? Which is not unreasonable.

It's one of the reasons I would be hesitant to move back. As much as I get tired of the turnover in London, it does mean people are open to new friendships. On the other hand, when you do make friends in Ireland, you are more likely to keep them.

I'm sorry about your miscarriage - something like that is bound to make you feel low.

Thanks for replying. I agree that people don't need new friends in the same way in Ireland. I used to live in London and I enjoyed how people are open to friendship. I don't blame them at all. Just hard if you're coming from outside. I've kind of got used to it now I guess.

Hi, sorry to hear about your recent loss. I hope you've your own group of family and friends to confide in even if they're not nearby.

I've my own group of friends and family and find it hard enough to stay on top of those relationships at times so I would rarely go looking for new friendships or engage too much with people who seem to. I think now maybe I would entertain the idea of a couple friendship more for dh and I as really we've only one other couple friendship we'd do stuff with regularly!
Having said that I've developed friendships that have crept up on me without realising through work and a preschool committee. I would now consider these to be among my best friendships.
Have you many outlets outside your family?

That's a good point - a friend of mine moved from Dublin to Kells and then Meath. She started from nothing each time, but has made great friends through work, dramatic society, badminton, slimming world etc. She is great at getting out and about, and eventually friendships evolve.

Look out for other incomers too - these days you won't be the only ones.