bullying within the community

[spicebag7]

Hi, I am in need of help. I live in a town where, for reasons I don't know or understand, someone has been spreading rumours that I am very promiscuous. If it wasn't all so serious I would laugh at it being such a blatant lie. I work and sleep and rarely have time to sleep with my own husband. As a result, I get harassed on the street with people making loud comments when I walk by and all the usual methods of the cowardly bully. I have been to the guards and they were nice but said there wasn't much they can do and I would have to confront them myself. This has caused me stress I can't even describe. I am getting some antidepressants next week but I feel suicidal often and burst into tears. What can I do? And if you're the type of person who harasses people based on rumours, why do you do it? I want some insight into the kind of person who would uncaringly push someone to take their life.

I confronted someone openly slandering me in front of me on Friday and I snapped and roared at him. I was simply collecting my daughter. My back is completely against the wall and I don't know what to do.

I would be asking the people directly why they’ve said what they just did. Do you know where they live? If so go to their houses and ask to speak to them. Be the epitome of calm and dignified. Do not raise your voice or say anything nasty. Just ask them why they said wat they said and where they got the idea you are promiscuous from.

Do you know who stared the rumour?

Oh dear. Well don’t roar at people!!

I don't know at all. I am by nature fairly quiet. I don't go out at night much even. I feel fearful going out and I feel close to the edge.

I know I shouldn't have shouted. I was so angry at the injustice.

That's very strange. I don't know what to advise you except either to ignore them or ask them where they hears these lies from.

Around these parts people would only talk about stuff like this behind your back.

I have no trust in anyone now in case they're involved.

Please speak to your GP about it as well when you go.

If people were saying it behind my back I wouldn't mind. It's the sniggering and 'everyone knows her'comments said directly in front of me that are very difficult to cope with.

Oh love

I will go to the GP. My granny and aunt both killed themselves and I know how awful it is but I feel absolutely pushed to the brink of what one human being is able to cope with. I am trying to stay calm.

Thanks Broken11. Your flowers are lovely. I am in such a state at the moment.

This is awful. Do you have friends who can track the source of the rumour down?

People who would say such things to you are awful and not worthy of your time. Hideous.

This will pass my Lovely I promise you.

Are you new to the town? Or are these people you’ve known all your life and are now taking against you?

No, I have only lived here a couple of years. I have no idea who the source of the rumour is. The one bright spot is I have made some more friends recently which makes me feel a little less isolated. I just feel depressed because I feel like it will never be over.

This is completely awful. I'm not sure the gardaí have been as helpful as they might be, here. Does anyone else in Ireland know the position on this kind of bullying? It has obviously started somewhere, either by somebody with a grudge against you or somebody who just gets a kick out of hurting people, in which case I bet it has happened before.

Is there something going on? The house you're in - does someone feel they had a right to it? Has your partner had a run in with someone?

And I second all the suggestions to go to your GP immediately. Your reaction is very real and deserving of attention and care from your doctor, seriously.

Thank you. Just even being able to talk to someone about it gives me a little comfort. I feel very alone and it makes me feel slightly less alone. I keep going over what I have done in case I offended someone. I am so careful to cover up when I go out. I keep thinking it has to be my fault. I must have done something. After all, it's not happening to someone else. It's happening to me. But I am always at work or just at home because I feel frightened to go out. It just takes one incident of going into a shop or something and it destroys me. I was walking up main street and two women I don't know said 'look it's your one who sleeps with everyone, she must be rough'. I felt so sad and intimidated I said nothing but I felt awful.

Could you possibly screw up the nerve next time that happens to stop and say

"Hi, I'm fairly new to this area and what you just said to me is part of a bullying campaign started by someone I don't know. Obviously it's not true - I am married and hardly ever go out, but it is incredibly distressing - can you tell me what is going on so that I can fix it? I must have hurt someone and I want to sort it out."

Or words to that effect. It seems so bizarre that this is happening at all. You might have to take quite direct action.

Great advice Astoundedgoat

I would have to confront each and every one of them. How dare they? Such small minded busy body nonsense behaviour needs to be called out every time. Put your big girl pants on and front them out, they really have no right to speak about you this way